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#1902127 When Adding Black Actually Works

Posted by the admiral on October 29, 2012 - 00:23

'47 Dodgers


#2483851 Who to support in the NFL

Posted by the admiral on August 10, 2015 - 17:57

A GUIDE TO THE THIRTY-TWO NATIONAL "HANDEGG" LEAGUE TEAMS FROM A PERSON WHO HASN'T WATCHED A GAME START TO FINISH IN ABOUT FIVE YEARS, OR, A GUIDE TO THE BLIND FROM A ONE-EYED MAN

Green Bay Packers: they play in a small northern Wisconsin industrial town as a relic of when most NFL teams were in small midwestern industrial towns. That combined with their lack of private ownership (they're a not-for-profit that occasionally pretends to sell "stock," which consists of a piece of paper saying you own a share of the team, which, for the complete lack of equity, resale value, and voting rights it confers, I could sell you just as well with Adobe Creative Suite and a decent sales pitch) gives them a populist appeal that's unmatched in North American sports. They have one of the best quarterbacks in the league, which is important, and are basically set up to contend every single year despite the NFL's attempts to engineer parity.
Recommended if you like: sausage, friendliness, Germans, flannel, beers, beards, beards named Olivia Munn

Detroit Lions: They've bounced back from the first and only 0-16 season in league history, but still haven't completed the turnaround. They recently fired a coach who had them playing like reckless dip :censored:s so they've matured into just kind of a good football team. Notable for being the one Detroit team that hasn't regularly contended for championships. They play indoors so there's none of that Battle With The Elements stuff you'd expect from a northern team, but there's not really much of a It's So Loud In The Dome thing, either, probably owing to how browbeaten their fans must be by now. They play on Thanksgiving every year, even when they're garbage. Their best player in team history was notable for not celebrating touchdowns with much enthusiasm, and then retiring from the game with the same phlegmatic trudge.
Recommended if you like: Ford cars, urban decay, square pizza

Minnesota Vikings: They seem to be good more often than not in my lifetime, seldom awful, but rarely great, and when things do start looking really good for them, everything comes crashing down in some outstandingly wonderful way that often manages to be more ridiculous than the last time. They had one of the best regular seasons of all time in '98 and then fell short of the Super Bowl on a field goal to some horsecrap Atlanta team no one remembers. Their central-casting lunkhead coach got in trouble for scalping Super Bowl tickets. There was an incident involving a "sex boat." They fell short of another Super Bowl because stupid old Brett Favre threw an interception. Then the best running back of a generation got kicked out of the league for beating the crap out of his kid with a tree branch. Through all this, Minnesotans manage to keep up their famous Scandinavian stoicism and understatement. Forget hooliganism: Vikings games, along with Packers games, are the kinds of places where if you stand up and clap, some old fart will turn to you with his or her index finger pressed to his/her lips, saying "some of us are trying to watch the game."
Recommended if you like: lakes, Norwegians, malls, losing, calm comfort in your unshakable belief that you're superior to everyone

Chicago Bears: A team that's been around since the NFL itself but hasn't used its head start for all that much. The team was owned by the same guy for about the first 60 years or so, but then passed down to his daughter and the bumbling nouveau-riche pindicks she spawned with her space cadet of a husband. The Bears have famously neglected offense in favor of defense and special teams for almost their entire history, which has been spun into an allegory for "blue-collar" Chicago, even though Chicago has been systematically dismantling its working class for decades now. They have the same kind of dynastic succession of middle linebackers that most teams have with quarterbacks. This defense-first approach worked to great effect in 1985, when they visited absolute devastation upon the league and wrote a rap song about it. It worked to lesser effect in 2005 and 2006, when winning games with everything but offense was fun in the way that watching a dog walk on its hind legs is fun, but they didn't win anything. More often than not, though, the Bears are just average, painfully average, as close to a .500 team in the modern era (2002-pres) as you'll find. Chicago has a love affair with the Bears that defies explanation given how little they give their fans, who are often fat, loud, and stupid even by NFL standards. This was a topic of parody on Saturday Night Live in the early '90s, the result of SNL's cast working up through improv at Second City and seeing these morons around. I mean, the Cubs don't win anything, either, but at least going to Wrigley Field in the summer is generally accepted as fun. The Bears play in a cramped dump of a stadium that sits on a beautiful lakefront like a turd on the train of a wedding dress, and more often than not it's cold and grey and windy, and it's not even easy to drive to. This stupid team had one good year that no one can let go of because there's nothing else. One. One year. The Bears are the worst. Don't like the Bears.
Recommended if you like: Poles, '80s novelty songs, veneers of proletarian romanticism on giant engines of ruthless capitalism, losing to the Packers

St. Louis Rams: They were really really good about fifteen years ago but found themselves among the league's worst teams recently. They're coming out of their slump now, but have one foot out the door for Los Angeles, where they had played for about fifty years until a showgirl from St. Louis killed her husband, engineered the team's failure in greater L.A., and moved them to some little nothing town in Middle America best known for a giant croquet wicket and the idea that Totino's Pizza Rolls constitute a local delicacy. They play in the most depressing venue in the league, a cheaply built dome that always seems dark and empty, but hey, not like you'll have to sweat that much longer.
Recommended if you like: Los Angeles

Seattle Seahawks: A recent Super Bowl champion behind a stifling defense after their hippy-dippy coach realized you can't call a penalty on every single play. Sometimes regarded as "the Nike team." The team has also taken on the reputation of some pretty unwavering blackness, despite playing in lily-white Seattle, where the only other things that are black are the coffee and the hearts of venture capitalists. Marshawn Lynch has become a hero for shirking his interview responsibilities to old white men, responding to every question with "yeah." Richard Sherman gives old white men trouble at any number of turns and is either America's leading public intellectual or an unspeakable word, depending on whom you ask. Even poor Russell Wilson, a talented quarterback with the personality of wet bread, got in some trouble with his locker room (and some Sherman-infatuated members of the media) for being "not black enough." Add to that that the coach is a 9/11 truther and it's pretty obvious that the Seahawks inspire some very strong opinions in people. It's really quite a feat for a team that seemed to go 8-8 every year for thirty years. Still, I wouldn't hold it against you if you don't want to piss on the third rail here.
Recommended if you like: gaudy athletic apparel, strong takes, jet fuel not melting steel beams, black lives mattering

San Francisco 49ers: long regarded as kind of the "prestige" franchise of the NFL, the one that didn't get down and dirty as it dispatched its opponents with finesse and precision. This has eroded in recent years, with a run of bad seasons ended by a renaissance where the 49ers were winning with their run game and defense -- an anomaly not only for the 49ers but for the modern NFL. Don't let the name fool you: they recently moved from San Francisco itself, a tiny little penis-head of a city amidst a big bushy junk of a metropolis, to Santa Clara in the 21st-century dystopia that is the Silicon Valley. This has made their games readily accessible to some of the world's most awful people. Now that the team's value has shot up with this move, the owners are getting the team ready for sale. In other words, holy crap, they suck now.
Recommended if you like: Vines, brand extensions, sponsored content, Latino gangs, arrogant misanthropy

Arizona Cardinals: the oldest team in the league, now playing outside Phoenix, via St. Louis, via Chicago. Spent years playing and losing as the second tenant at Arizona State's stadium. So irrelevant as to barely exist for most of their tenure, they now play in a big metal blob where the grass surface rolls out of the stadium on a tray and are moderately competitive.
Recommended if you like: being forgotten about, principled stands against American imperialism with tragic endings, xenophobic sheriffs, highs of 110 degrees

Carolina Panthers: a new-ish expansion team in Charlotte, a new-ish major American city. The team has been good and also bad. The team is owned by a crusty old ex-player who, despite having been a professional football player, is regularly the most unyielding hardliner against the players in collective-bargaining negotiations.
Recommended if you like: light blue, hypocrisy, McMansions

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Kind of the original rags-to-riches story of the NFL, they entered the league in 1976 with a logo that everyone made fun of for looking gay and promptly lost all 14 of their games. They continued to be varying degrees of bad until the Glazer family bought them and turned them into a model franchise with their revolutionary bend-but-don't-break defensive scheme. They picked up a big national following, and even an international following, because people from overseas would think "hmm, I liked Disney World, they are closest," ostensibly. Of course, all good things come to an end, but it took a pretty long time in Tampa. I think their decline lasted about ten years. Now they're really bad and have terrible uniforms, but could be saved by a Heisman-winning quarterback who may have raped a girl and stolen crab legs from a grocery store.
Recommended if you like: redemption, Manchester United, Florida weirdness, alarm clocks, Bucfan56

Atlanta Falcons: I dunno, I should have outsourced this to HedleyLamarr. They're just there. They had a quarterback who ran a dogfighting ring. They had a coach quit mid-season to coach college football instead, which is like the Atlanta-est thing ever. I'm burning out. Oh, they're getting a new stadium that looks like a robot butthole.
Recommended if you like: existing, robots, their buttholes

New Orleans Saints: famous for rebuilding New Orleans after the flood by being good at football. Actually, the team usually wasn't very good at football, and wasn't really supported all that well, either, so they had one foot out the door for San Antonio until the league made it known that bailing on New Orleans would be bad p.r. for the league. But they stayed, and eventually won a Super Bowl, and this made everyone happy. They had kind of an America's Team thing going for a while, what with how uplifting that whole thing was, but they squandered it all when they got busted for paying players under the table to injure their opponents. Their fans range from the lovable New Orleanians who make food and music for tourists to genuinely terrifying backwoods folk who like to shoot things.
Recommended if you like: redemption, vengeance, pastries, parts of America that for better or worse sure aren't boring or average

Philadelphia Eagles: Team that's usually good but never wins the big one. The Philadelphia fan mythos is pretty overpowering: they throw snowballs at mall Santas, they throw batteries at everyone else, they're mean, they're loud, there's a jail in the stadium basement, so on, so forth. I dunno, I think the Philly fan thing is kinda cool. They play it up and then go to their white-collar Comcast jobs in the morning. It's harmless.
Recommended if you like: rudeness, throwing up on yourself, ignoring professional basketball

New York Giants
Recommended if you like: sniffing your own farts

Washington Redskins: This was a team that was pretty successful in the '80s along with the Giants and 49ers, but they've traded on those years almost as much as the Bears have traded on 1985, and truth be told, it's getting a little old and they really need to write some new history. The team is owned by a weird little tyrant of a man who made his millions early in life by selling advertising space where advertising space didn't used to be, and has basically treated the Redskins as his personal toy, making snap judgments and bad decisions on a weekly basis. Of course, his worst decision is probably doubling down on calling them the Redskins, which most people would seem to prefer they not do. This, along with the years of irrelevance, has done a good job of silencing what would otherwise be a proud fanbase. Thankfully, it's Washington, so everyone was probably already a little too proud of themselves to begin with.
Recommended if you like: dearths of local culture, explaining why things aren't racist, people who can't tell you what their jobs are

Dallas Cowboys: This is America's Team, but much like the Redskins, they haven't really done much since the mid-'90s and no one has the heart to tell them that the sobriquet belongs to the Packers now. The only thing they've done since the Super Bowl years that seemed sufficiently All-American was have a fresh-faced quarterback dating a blonde with big jugs. They play in a giant monument to Texan opulence and tastelessness and wouldn't have it any other way. They're starting to turn a corner these last couple years but haven't been able to close it out. The worst thing is I wouldn't mind if they did.
Recommended if you like: anything big

Pittsburgh Steelers: Another contender for America's Team and populist spirit, but the nationwide Steelers following is less a matter of the unchurched adopting them so much as the fact that Pittsburgh has experienced a huge diaspora. They're also kind of like the Bears in terms of being a one-family business in an industrial city and loving coaches with mustaches, except the Steelers don't suck all the time. The Steelers pick up a sort of kindred-spirit respect from NFC fanbases who don't have to deal with them all the time. The 49ers used to get this too, I think.
Recommended if you like: French fries (you call them "chips") on sandwiches, life in a northern town

Cleveland Browns: the Browns were a beloved old team that moved to Baltimore, but the NFL handled this crapstorm by "suspending" the intellectual property of the Browns and then giving them to a new expansion team, while the original Browns roster and front office continued as the Baltimore Ravens. This sends certain CCSLCers into conniption fits. Since being reinstated in 1999, the Browns have probably been the worst franchise in the league over such time, making the playoffs once, going 0-1, and generally finishing 5-11 while the Ravens have gone on to great success. The Browns, long respectful of their traditional brown and orange uniforms dating back to the '50s or '60s, just redesigned them into some monstrosity of words on pants, "rise-shadows," and head-to-toe orange. Their star quarterback is already in rehab for alcohol.
Recommended if you like: factories of sadness, LeBron James, failure

Cincinnati Bengals: just as the Bears are one game over .500 in the 32-team NFL era, the Bengals are one game under. Pretty sure they've made the playoffs more times than the Bears have in that time, though. They had a brief run as the Everyone Gets Arrested team in the 2000s, but that seems to have calmed down. The Bengals have the coolest helmets but weird overdesigned uniforms. Bengals fans share the same woe-is-me groaning as fans of other midwestern teams that go 9-7 too much, but I don't think they really add any new wrinkles to it. Still, cool helmets!
Recommended if you like: dressing up as animals, more Germans, tense race relations, some sort of ungodly chocolate spaghetti chili

Baltimore Ravens: A perennially competitive team whose fans are nevertheless perpetually aggrieved about everything all the time, real or imagined. Ravens fans seem to puff up their chests over their proximity to Bodymore Murdaland but wouldn't be caught dead in it, instead sticking to the smoked-glass midrises of suburban Maryland where people cheerlessly fill out TPS reports about drone strikes.
Recommended if you like: seafood, The Wire, Edgar Allan Poe, bureaucracy

Indianapolis Colts: Formerly Peyton Manning and the Manning-ettes, they replaced him with Andrew Luck after tanking a season and interrupting their long run of double-digit-win seasons. Colts fans are polite and boring as you'd expect from Indianoplace, but the owner himself is a drug-addled nutbar who buys up all the memorabilia and ephemera an 17-year-old boy would buy. Like the Steelers, they're hard to dislike too much if they're not a thorn in your side.
Recommended if you like: high school basketball, Jack Kerouac, leaving places unannounced in the middle of the night

Houston Texans: A replacement for the late lamented Houston Oilers, the Texans (named for playing in Texas) have had a long road to respectability since joining the league in 2002. They've since lost a lot of that respectability, so this is as close to getting in on the ground floor as you're going to get these days. Being the other Texas team keeps their fans grounded, I suspect.
Recommended if you like: humidity, pollution, sprawl, cattle

Tennessee Titans: The Oilers of old, the Titans enjoyed a bit of a cultural moment in 1999-2000 when, new to the scene with cool new uniforms and logos, they lost the Super Bowl to the Rams by a yard, making them sort of a team everyone else could get behind. Their quarterback, Steve McNair, was one tough bastard of a quarterback who could take a beating from everyone except for the mistress who shot and killed him after his playing days were done. The Titans had an orphan 13-3 season a few years ago but have fallen into small-market obscurity, just toiling and missing the playoffs.
Recommended if you like: Y2K, Smurfs, stale things

Jacksonville Jaguars: hey, "your" team! The NFL expanded to Jacksonville in 1995 after withholding better cities like Baltimore and St. Louis for existing teams to move to, leaving an overgrown port city in northern Florida. Another vaguely trendy team of the late '90s that has fallen on hard times, the team flirted with relocation rumors before getting new ownership who turned the stadium into some kind of redneck riviera with people watching the games on giant TVs from swimming pools. The fans are understandably defensive about being in the league's most irrelevant market and will get very ornery about it.
Recommended if you like: London, chlamydia, realizing what actual Florida is like

Denver Broncos: A team that couldn't win the big one until they did, twice in a row, and then went right back. Probably a safe bet if you want your team to be good every year, but who knows what the future holds once Peyton Manning retires? Broncos fans like to chant "IN-COM-PLETE!" every time the opposing quarterback throws an incompletion. It gets annoying fast. They're also very loud.
Recommended if you like: marijuana, ultimate frisbee, hiking, Subarus, the effect thin air has on blood alcohol content

San Diego Chargers: Owners of awesome throwback uniforms that they never wear anymore. A team whose window has been shut for a couple years but still hasn't had the heart to be actively terrible, thus keeping people's hopes up. They might move to Los Angeles too.
Recommended if you like: beaches, avocados, having lots of kids, Lights Out

Kansas City Chiefs: another one of those goody-two-shoes football teams that thinks it has some higher calling than making big fat guys stand in lines and run into each other. They recently tried running themselves like the Patriots, which is to say paranoid and belligerent and straight-up weird, but it didn't take and they went back to doing things in a more traditionally footbally way. Good fans. Maybe not America's Team, but about to be Missouri's.
Recommended if you like: mock turtlenecks, eating food in a parking lot

Oakland Los Angeles Oakland Raiders: The coolest. Owned for years and years by Al Davis, a crazy old Jewish man who walked around everywhere in a tracksuit and aviator sunglasses, which just so happens to be all I've ever wanted out of life. He came into ownership as a coach for the team and eventually worked his way up to owning the damn team through various deals and subterfuges, and then made life a living hell for the NFL by moving to Los Angeles without permission, moving back to Oakland without permission, and generally disagreeing with and obstructing every single thing the league tried to do, often just because he felt like it. He once fired a terrible coach and prepared a PowerPoint for the assembled media on what a terrible coach the guy was and why he deserved to be fired. Everyone was up in arms over this, but it would turn out in the years to come that this was absolutely the correct thing to do after all. Now that Al is dead, the team has been passed down to his son, who looks like a satanic Dennis the Menace. The Raiders were famous for picking up every druggie, screwup, and criminal that no one else would take, and won a few Super Bowls doing it. Unfortunately, as the league evolved, the Raiders didn't, for years sticking to a gameplan of "run, run, run, run, okay now bomb it" that worked well when just running really fast in a straight line and catching a deep pass was enough to beat a defense. Ironically, that would probably work really well in today's league. Be that as it may, nothing they do has worked well in today's league, having missed the playoffs for twelve years in a row and often being really terrible while doing so. Raiders fans tend to interpret the Raider Nation thing in different ways. While some like to play up the Black Hole thing and dress as Darth Vader or bikers or leather daddies or whatever, some people (okay, fine, cholos) will dispense with the silly LARPing and just shiv you. I haven't done photos in this and it's been by design but this is my favorite NFL picture ever:
al_davis_meets_darth_vader.jpg
A peace summit between the most evil man in the universe and Darth Vader. This is the best team.
Recommended if you like: N.W.A., playing the bad guy, grandiose sloganeering, hurting people, not actually caring about the outcomes of football games

New York Jets: The other New York team, everyone sort of picks on them because they're not the Giants, who win the Super Bowl in the years that they choose to emerge from up their own ass. Meanwhile, the Jets haven't won much of anything since the '60s, and always seem to be in some sort of tabloid controversy, like their fat loud coach having a foot fetish, or their quarterback engaging in a charming gavotte called the "butt fumble." Jets fans add spice to the annual draft ceremony by showing up at Radio City Music Hall and going "OHHH!!!! OHHHH!!! NOOOOO!!! OHHHH!!! HEEYYYY! AWWW!!!! OHHHHH!!!!" at whoever the Jets draft because it's always the wrong guy.
Recommended if you like: spelling words and repeating them three times, being the loudest guy in a bar, generalized New York agita

Miami Dolphins: the only franchise to have an undefeated championship season, the remaining members of the team get together and pop champagne every time the last undefeated team of a season loses its first game. Lots of people hate this. I think it's awesome. If you hate it so much, let's see you do it. Bitch. Recently wearers of hideous uniforms, the team debuted some cool throwbacks, which give us hope.
Recommended if you like: Ace Ventura, taking one's talents to South Beach, Cuban sandwiches, Cuban cigars, Cuban people

Buffalo Bills: Unlike the other U.S. sports leagues, the NFL doesn't have any teams in Toronto, Montreal, or anywhere in Canada, so this is the closest thing. The Bills played a couple games in Tronna but no one went, so they're back home in Western New York full-time for the time being. The Bills went to four Super Bowls in a row and lost all of them, and the team's been bad for about 15 years now, but the team was recently purchased by an oil baron whose mission in life is to make Buffalo somewhat livable. Somehow this encompasses the Bills being not terrible. They might make the playoffs this year.
Recommended if you like: chicken wings, measuring snowfall in feet, tucking your dick between your legs and dancing to New Wave music

New England Patriots: Saving the worst for last. I don't even like football and I still hate the Patriots. There's nothing to add. No one's going to let you be another goddamn Patriots fan.
Recommended if you like: treason against the Crown, persecution complexes, spying on people, surreptitiously tampering with game equipment, being a sore loser, being a sorer winner, being reprehensible in all ways to all people


#2257595 An Open Letter to the Community

Posted by Atomic on June 19, 2014 - 12:42

About two years ago, quite a few members of this forum began to complain about the actions of certain members, quality of postings/concepts being made and the relentless influx of spam posts. The call to action for the spammers was finally answered, as were numerous bannings/suspensions. To us, it showed promise and hope of a much needed change.

Flash forward to the beginning of the month of this year and the hope is all but gone. Users deemed as disruptive/disrespectful run rampant for months on end until a moderator arrives and performs “swift” justice. Certain sections of the forum are overflowing with nothing more than juvenile, undeveloped concepts and childish replies to actual, legitimate conversations.

It’s been said many times and different ways to “contact a moderator” to aid with the issues. It’s a great concept in theory; however a good majority of Moderators are either lurkers or non-existent. Their absenteeism (which includes being a lurker in my opinion) allows the issues to mount up until we get these bolded forum announcements requesting decorum well after the issue has gotten out of hand. As a long time member in good standing with this community, I find these “requests” to be insulting.

In my opinion, the Administration should take some accountability here and can solve a good portion of the issues by having dedicated, engaged, involved community moderators who have the ability to delete comments and ban users (in the worst case) but also to answer questions and provide guidance for members who are unsure of forum-appropriate behavior (in the best cases). I honestly have a hard time taking seriously people in power positions make blanket statements about banning/suspensions for not following decorum when the simple solution would be to become more active in the on goings of the community.

Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand having a life outside the boards. However, a hectic outside life isn’t an excuse for “those entrusted with the protection of Sportslogos.net's brand and reputation” to be unable to “take any and all actions necessary to uphold their responsibilities”. Lack of available and active leaders will only allow the issues to continue to accumulate and potentially drive away quality members (established or non-established).

With that said, it’s not just the Moderators’ issue. We as members need to take some personal responsibility. To me, these requests coming from the administrate should be nothing more than common sense: treat people fairly and allow an open mind to other points of view. A conversation doesn’t have to be polite, or neat and tidy, or full of everyone agreeing with each other. It just has to not be hateful and destructive and more often than not, a good majority of threads here devolve to those levels.

tl:dr - Stop allowing and excusing destructive and pointless conversations while members need to take responsibility for what they say and show common sense.
 




#2188858 Tampa Bay Buccaneers Getting New Logo, Helmet & Uniforms

Posted by CS85 on March 3, 2014 - 10:34

A very short while ago

I can still remember when the Buccaneers would make me smile

And I knew if I had my chance that I could redesign their pants 

And maybe fans would be happy for awhile

 

But February made me shiver

With every rumor they'd deliver

Strange helmet on the door step...I couldn't shake it's bad rep

 

I can't remember if I cried when I saw their unis got Nike-fied

Something broke me deep inside the day...Bucs unis...died

 

So bye, bye Quality Design

Took the bevel to new levels and many souls cried

And the good old red and pewter look that they denied

For numbers that are chrome-ified

For numbers that are chrome-ified

 

Did you make a logo site and do you have faith in Philip Knight?

If Nike tells us so

Now do you believe in cut-and-paste with the XFL and toxic waste?

And can you teach me how to meet deadlines real slow?

 

Well I know that you're in love with matte

I saw the Vikings helmet not quite fall flat

You both made the purple look less blue

And I dug those purply hues

 

I was a lonely liker of the Bucs

With their colors rad and their old coach Chuck

But "God :censored: ing damn," I shouted, "these :censored: ing suck" 

The day Bucs Unis Died

 

*chorus*

 

Now for 17 years this look had been real swell
Saving the franchise from creamsicle hell 

But that's now how it used to be

When Dungy was praising Shaun E. King before Chucky hijacked his winning team

And they both now haunt my TV

 

And while our heads were looking down, the Glazers shopped their look around

Big investment with no return

All these jerseys should be burned

And while Goodell re-wrote a book of rules, Nike went to work with Satan's tools and the NFL played us all for fools

The day the Bucs Unis Died.

 

*chorus*

 

Hocus Pocus and a plague of locusts please descend upon the look that broke us

After the Jags we're falling fast

We landed hard upon the painted grass

Mike Glennon fumbled a forward pass, Darrelle Revis on the sidelines counting cash

 

The halftime air had scents of doom as their new jerseys entered the locker room

Random swatches on their pants, clock numbers counted their last chance

As Nike tried to rape the field

The Bucs fans refused to yield

Piss on the rotten NFL shield today Bucs Unis Died

 

*chorus*

 

And there we all were in the CCSLC

Generations of aesthetics geeks

With no patience left to start again

So Licht Be Nimble, Licht Be Quick

Fighting staph infections and Lovie Smith

Firing everyone is just a means to an end

 

As I watched the unveil take center stage

My hands were clenched in fists of rage

No designer ever lured to hell could design such a turd

As the uniforms freshly ate the flames

A fireball rose over Raymond James

Here we are left to take the blame the day the Bucs Unis Died

 

*chorus
 

I met a fan who had season tix and I asked what he thought of this

He simply frowned and turned away

I went down to the sacred store where once hung the jerseys I did adore

But the man there said the jerseys went away

 

And in the streets the children screamed

It's the XFL look of their dreams

Not a word was spoken

Adults hearts all were broken

 

Red and pewter I admired most

Now are ketchup mustard and burnt toast

I'm glad as hell I don't live on the coast today, the Bucs Unis Died.

 

So bye, bye Quality Design

Took the bevel to new levels and many souls cried

And the good old red and pewter look that they denied

For numbers that are chrome-ified

For numbers that are chrome-ified




#1946251 Logos associated with failure.

Posted by CRichardson on January 26, 2013 - 15:56

Posted Image


#2415337 Welcome to Florida

Posted by JQK on April 7, 2015 - 18:11

 

Bobcat-catches-shark-jpg.jpg
 
 
That pic sums up Florida pretty well. A bobcat hunting a shark. I love this state.


Serious question: What's the difference between that animal and a Florida panther?

 

Someone was there to watch it...




#2025573 Hidden Jersey Elements

Posted by Cujo on June 8, 2013 - 02:38

Posted Image

Each pinstripe represents a decade since their last world championship.


#2138781 A&E is not "Happy Happy Happy" with Phil Robertson

Posted by GFB on December 19, 2013 - 19:19

Let me start off by saying I've never watched Duck Dynasty. Watching a wealthy family that made its fortune inventing whistles to hunt animals roam around the backwoods of Louisiana while doing random activities doesn't appeal to my personality... It's the same reason I won't watch The Bachelor or Jersey Shore. It's nothing personal, it's just not how I choose to entertain myself.

Yet, today has been a tough day for me as a self-identified "Christian;" and it's not because of any sort of attack on my First Amendment rights or the loss of a great pillar of Christianity from my TV schedule. No, I'm disappointed in the response I see from mass majority of Christians out there, mostly because much of it stems directly from what I believe is a foremost problem with the church today.

God doesnt need Christians to defend Him, he needs us to love people. I think too many Christians see themselves as bouncers or goalies: they're the last line of defense to preserve God's truths and "the way things should be." That view of life automatically puts these Christians on the permanent defensive; everything suddenly becomes an affront on their ideals from all directions. Instead, I like what Bob Goff says, that if you boil everything Jesus said and did into one message it states: "God loves you and there's more room." If you embrace that point of view, Christians should aim to be ushers, moving people as close as possible into that love, and not bouncers who draw lines in the sand to separate the holy from the sinners. Jesus didn't make people change before he moved to meet them in their needs.

That's why I can't support Phil Robertson. Sure, he has the freedom of speech and the right to believe whatever he wants and, yes, the right to share that belief. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't face the consequences of what he says and does. I once read "Grace without truth is deception, and truth without grace is mean," and I think that best sums up my thoughts on his comments. There was no care or love in his comments. They were crass, belittling, and harsh... A&E had every right to protect their brand.

If you are a member of the LGBT community or if you were offended by his comments or maybe you were offended by something another Christian (or maybe even myself) has said on this forum in the past, I want to ask for your forgiveness. I'm sorry. That's not who Jesus is. It is my utmost hope that we can repair the rift that has grown between our communities because of what we've said and done in the past. Just remember Christians are broken people, no matter how often we sometimes forget it.


#2032318 Rite of Spring 2013 (NHL Playoffs): "You have no fear of the underdog, t...

Posted by the admiral on June 20, 2013 - 14:02

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOO I CAN'T TAKE THIS CRAP ANYMORE


NOW YOU LISTEN HERE AND LISTEN WELL CS85. I KNOW WE'VE ALL ASSUMED THIS SORT OF PSYCHOLOGICAL HANDICAPPING WHEREIN WE SET OURSELVES UP FOR FAILURE SO THAT FAILURE MEETS EXPECTATIONS AND SUCCESS EXCEEDS THEM BUT JESUS A-S-S-F-U-C-K-I-N-G CHRIST ENOUGH ALREADY THIS HAS GOTTEN CATEGORICALLY ABSURD AND IT'S WHY I DON'T READ THIS THREAD DURING GAMES ANYMORE I JUST SIT AND WATCH TELEVISION OFF THE GODDAMN GRID PARTYING LIKE IT'S 1993 AND IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THIS WAY

NO GOD DAMN IT NO EVERY TIME THE HAWKS GIVE UP A GOAL THEY ARE NOT DONE, THEY ARE NOT FRAUDS, THEY ARE JUST PLAYING A REALLY GOOD TEAM WHILE ALSO BEING A REALLY GOOD TEAM THEMSELVES BECAUSE HOLY CRAP IT'S ACTUALLY A STANLEY CUP FINAL WHERE BOTH TEAMS ARE ELITE AND RIGHTFULLY PLACED AND NOT JUST GOOD TEAM VERSUS HOT GOALIE AND THE HOT BUTTERED CRAPWAGON. YOU MAY REMEMBER THAT THE HAWKS DESTROYED EVERYONE IN THE LEAGUE EXCEPT BALDY AND THE QUACKERS SO HEY HAVE SOME :censored:ING FAITH. ALSO, THE BRUINS WERE IN THE TOP OF THE EAST ALBEIT QUIETLY BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS ON PITTSBURGH'S DICKS BUT STILL THEY WERE REALLY REALLY GOOD. SO RECALIBRATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS OR STOP GODDAMN WATCHING.

I'M USUALLY PESSIMISTIC BUT NOOOOOOOOO I AM DOING SOMERSAULTS OF JOY BECAUSE I THINK THE HAWKS CAN WIN

AND IF THERE'S A PARADE IN CHICAGO, DON'T COME UP. YOU'RE NOT INVITED. I WILL SCOUR THE ENTIRETY OF THE LOOP TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE NOT THERE, AND IF YOU ARE, I'LL KICK YOU IN THE NUTS, GRAB YOU BY THE ANKLES, AND IF I DON'T JUST THROW YOU IN THE LAKE LIKE THAT METEOROLOGY STUDENT WHO JUST DIED, I'LL DRAG YOU TO UNION STATION AND STUFF YOU IN AN AMTRAK FOR NOT NECESSARILY DOWNSTATE BUT ANYWHERE BUT HERE BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS THEN JUST GO AWAY FOREVER AND DON'T LIKE HOCKEY. DON'T LIKE BASEBALL. DON'T EVEN LIKE TENNIS. JUST LIKE GOLF. THAT MUST BE YOUR FATE. ONLY LIKING GOLF.

GO HAWKS


#1985754 New Vikings Uniforms

Posted by ColorWerx on April 5, 2013 - 09:11

I'm on a string of conf. calls right now...

(I hate corporate America. Really.)


I hear if you say his name three times, he shows up with Pantones of long forgotten franchises.


Posted Image


#2014994 Toronto Raptors to get an overhaul? Maybe name change as well?

Posted by wildwing64 on May 21, 2013 - 14:11

Maybe they could change from the Raptors to...

*Sunglasses*

...the Toronto Saurus.


#2002293 The 2013 NHL Season Thread

Posted by the admiral on April 29, 2013 - 02:09

Maybe teams should hold official initiation ceremonies for their beat writers where they are not allowed to write about hockey until they have put on a pair of skates. So some old skates are handed out to the assembled press, they are made to skate a lap around the ice--even if they trip and fall, it's okay; players are standing by to help them along--and then when they reach the "finish line" as demarcated by a pair of sticks on the ice, they are officially allowed to write about hockey, for they have Put On Skates.

But it doesn't end there.

"Maybe they ought to take a check," a third-line winger shouts over the polite applause.

"Make 'em win board battles," shouts a thirteenth forward.

The light-hearted ceremony takes a turn for the sinister, as players and coaches start shepherding the skating writers back to their ad hoc starting line, mumbling "come on, let's go" and other such phrases which don't even begin to hint at what lies in store. "Skate, skate!", implores the head coach, as the writers embark upon their second lap along the boards. "We don't got all day!", shouts an assistant, as unconcerned with his grammar as he is with the welfare of the ink-stained wretches whose day will be one they won't soon forget.

The beat writers clumsily skate, holding onto one another in lieu of their once-helpful journalistic subjects. Their strides are graceless and tremulous. "Just like being out on the old pond, right?", a newspaper writer jokes to a blogger, trying in vain to defuse the situation. They hear behind them and on their left, "Here it comes!"

A thud is heard. The plexiglass rattles. A stanchion hints at dislodging. The other skating scribes stop as one of their own has been knocked to the ice by a well-placed body check. "Clean hit," a player laughs to the crowd. "Well, don't just stand there," he continues. They do. The winger's patience running thin, he checks each fear-petrified writer into the boards and down to the ice. The writers dutifully take their punishment, pervaded as they are by the overwhelming sense of guilt accrued from years of covering a sport they had never deigned to play. Shuddering, throbbing, fighting back tears of agony, the media contingent slowly pulls itself back up to its collective feet. Scared to say a word, they wait for further instructions from their "assignments," who have now become, at least in some sense of the word, their captors.

"I guess you can say now you've played The Game!", laughs the captain.

"Welcome to hockey, boys," adds the head coach.

The battle-scarred media, not knowing what to make of the situation, finds itself in polite applause, cutting the ponderous tension as only the waterfalls of golf claps can. They joke to one another, "some game, huh," "I guess now we really do know," "I hope our insurance will cover this!" They unlace their skates, their steel-bladed souvenirs of war, and throw them to the side for the equipment manager to round up and sharpen. In a way, one writer thinks to himself, you'd almost kind of want to take one home as a memory of what happened at the practice rink that fateful day. In another way, a way no one could have foreseen, the mere sight of an ice skate would mean a second mortgage to cover the therapy sessions. The writers trudge back to the dressing room to meet the players at their stalls for some soundbites. It seems, at the time, that the cloud of Never Having Played The Game has finally passed and given way to a sunshine of empathy and enlightenment. It seems.

"I took harder hits in junior!"

Footsteps cease. The din of friendly chatter turns to silence, which in turn gives way to anxious murmurs. The asswipe from the blog. Of course. Some people don't know when to let it go.

"Oh, you played junior?"

"You wanna talk about junior?"

"...well, it was USAHL. Or, well, a level below USAHL. I played."

He is lying.

The players are salivating like a ravenous pack of animals. This loudmouth. Shoves are exchanged. A defenseman is the proverbial Third Man In. Then comes a fourth, a fifth. The chirping blogger is quickly overtaken and thrown to the ground. Laces from the skates are used to bind his arms behind his back. A hand towel is fashioned into a blindfold. The players grab the writer, one at each end, and carry him out to the parking lot, where he is stuffed into the trunk.

"Oh, you want to talk about junior, you bitch? We'll show you what junior is all about."

The players drive for several miles, past the rink, into the suburbs, and into a nearby forest preserve. Turns are taken beating the man. Screams are heard before learned helplessness overtakes his pain, reducing him to the resigned silence of the condemned. He is stripped nude, as a mere matter of course. It's not long before critical areas of the man's epidermis are as pink as a Smithfield ham. Finally, the assault relents.

"Okay, okay. I never played the game," the man sobs. "I've never even covered hockey before. This was my first. This was. This was my first day."

The players knew this fact without his testimony, for no man who had ever Played The Game would have had the audacity displayed on the ice that afternoon. But they weren't through. If he hadn't played the game, and had no familiarity with hockey, then there was no better way to introduce the man to the game's unique culture than to supply him with a special treat.

"We're taking you to Timmy's," one of the players says.

"Who's Timmy?"

"Oh, for god's sake," mutters a player.

"And someone is waiting there for you," adds another, as a Cheshire Cat grin grows on his pockmarked, weathered face.

They drive to the local Tim Horton's, telling him that if this man were to continue to cover hockey, which in spite of the day's events he swore he wanted, there were certain procedures that had to take place. A procedure, the man would find out, that included none other than Dougie Gilmour, arguably the most rugged and Canadian of all rugged Canadians. But the blogger was aghast to discover how Mr. Gilmour would welcome him into the fraternity.

"...in...my mouth?"

"You have a better place in mind?" a player snickers.

"It's not exactly up to you," another player adds, owing to the eminently compromised position of the writer.

The car pulls up to the Tim Horton's. They enter through the back door, and the naked hog-tied blogger hopes that this will not prove to serve as a metaphor.

"On your knees!"

"Here's Dougie!"

The sounds, muffled as they may be by the ambient whirrs of donut-baking, are all too familiar to any post-pubescent male. The slapping. The heavy breathing. The hints of groans, barely held back. The endgame is inevitable, and the reality sets in. How will this man face his family at the end of this day, now night? How will he explain the late arrival, the sure-to-be-obvious limp? How will he undress for bed with these splotches and welts? How will he kiss his wife with a mouth that has unwillingly received another man's seed? even if that man was indeed the mighty spiritual leader of sports fans throughout Ontario?

"THIS IS FOR EVERYONE YOUR PEOPLE HAVE EVER WRONGED!", the man hears as the sounds of self-gratification escalate to the point where they can escalate no further. His jaw is held open to receive what he must receive.

It is there.

It is concussive in its release.

It is cloyingly vanilla.

"HAHA, WE GOT HIM, BOYS!", a player laughs. "Better give him the rest of a donut, too!" And so a plain donut is stuffed into his mouth. The blindfold is unfurled. Laughs are had. Hugs are shared. You see, the true initiation into the fraternity of hockey is simply to consume Tim Horton's donuts. The shenanigans beforehand were completely unnecessary, as they were for others before him, as they will be for those who follow. But hockey has its traditions, and we who have partaken in them know not to question them. I suppose it's obvious now.

"Now, my friend," he laughs with his arm around my shoulder, "now you can write whatever the hell you want about us."

"Now you've Played The Game."


#1987088 NBA Votes Against Sacramento Kings' Relocation To Seattle

Posted by the admiral on April 7, 2013 - 20:50

Well, let's break down:

Is there some billionaire who has been in talks to buy the team?
Seattle: maybe
Quebec: yes
Advantage: Quebec

Is there a world-class arena being built to house this team?
Seattle: hopefully in a while maybe
Quebec: yes
Advantage: Quebec

And will the team be the anchor tenant at this arena, which is imperative for sufficient revenue streams?
Seattle: no
Quebec: yes
Advantage: Quebec

In the meantime, is there a suitable place to play?
Seattle: we sort of have 75% of a suitable place to play
Quebec: it's old but it's still bigger than Winnipeg's barn
Advantage: Quebec

Would you happen to own your own RSN, a virtual necessity these days?
Seattle: maybe later
Quebec: yes
Advantage: Quebec

Can you say with certainty that the team will be a success there?
Seattle: Of course! As long as you don't make us suffer the growing pains of an expansion team, I mean I think we're a little too good for that, those hoser bastards will watch any old crap but we're Seattle
Quebec: bien sur!

Wait, did someone just speak :censored:ing French.
Seattle: Wasn't me.
Quebec: Hi didn't ear anyting.


QUEBEC LOSES BY FORFEIT

WINNER: SEATTLE BY A SCORE OF A MILLION TO NEGATIVE INFINITY


#1938201 Change one thing.

Posted by aci on January 12, 2013 - 17:54

End the era of white-vs-colour. As long as teams don't have similar looks or colours, it shouldn't be a problem. I'd love to see home and road jerseys be replaced with 'primary' and 'clash'.


#2462889 SCOTUS Gay Marriage Ruling

Posted by Ice_Cap on July 1, 2015 - 12:08

 

 

 I just believe that if any church truly wants to follow the bible, there can never be a same-sex wedding in that said church.

 

I'm not trying to catch you or be a smart ass, but I just want this answered honestly because I've never heard anyone actually answer it.

 

Why is homosexuality such a big deal out of all the old biblical stuff but things like eating shellfish, wearing gold, gossip, gluttony, women speaking in church, wearing blended fabrics, working on saturday, or trimming your beard don't seem to matter to churches like yours?

 

(Note I did leave out adultery, divorice, and tattoos as I know there are plenty of churches that do ban those)

 

Again, I just would like an answer because I hear things like "You're not really a christian if you support gay marriage because its in the bible and the bible is 100% accurate!" and I've never heard anyone say why its ok to ignore the other things but not homosexuality. I'm certain those words have been said by a clean shaven man, wearing a wedding ring and a tri-blend t-shirt, eating tons of shrimp after work on a saturday at least a few times before. 

 

This has always been my contention as well. It's the selectiveness of the condemning that is so bothersome. Like "oh those passages about shrimp and beating your wife don't matter, but that one that's in the same book THAT one matters and we'll make life a living hell for anyone who violates it" - said by premarital sex having, tattoo-sporting, seafood fans. 

 

The hypocrisy is the most annoying and zoning in on one part of the book while missing the overall point is the second most annoying. Seems to me you should either follow every single rule to a T or just follow the over-arching theme, which is basically be good to each other and don't be an a$$hole. 

 

Here's the thing about all of that...

These restrictions, which come from the Book of Leviticus, have no barring on life in the 21st century. People who read the Bible and just accept everything word for word miss the point of the books that make it up. It's not enough to know WHAT Leviticus says. You should ask yourself WHY it says it.

Leviticus is interesting, and quite useful, from an academic standpoint. It gives us a peak into a mindset and lifestyle of pre-Common Era/AD Judeans, a culture that's long-since vanished. As a guide for living in the contemporary world? That's just silly. It would be like replacing the criminal code with the Code of Hammurabi. Being historically significant doesn't make it applicable to the times we're living in.

 

So let's try to understand Leviticus. You have a small tribe of Jews in the middle of the desert. Surrounded by enemies on all sides. Survival is going to be the community's top priority. So shellfish? Out. Why? Well shellfish eat a lot of bacteria, and if you don't cook them right eating them can be deadly. Same with pigs, actually. So they're out too. Homosexuality? Communal survival starts with the next generation. So be fruitful and multiply. Any sexual activity that can't result in pregnancy is going to be discouraged.

Leviticus is a guide for communal survival in a harsh environment in the ancient world. It is not a timeless code of conduct.

 

Now some might ask "well what about condemnations of homosexuality outside of Leviticus?" Sodom and Gomorrah are prime examples. That's a case where G-d destroyed two entire cities because of homosexuality! Except He didn't. 

It's a common misconception that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of homosexuality. They weren't. G-d destroyed them because their populaces were jerks who turned strangers away.

The Bible, perhaps sensing that some people might take the wrong message from the Sodom and Gomorrah story, is kind enough to clarify.

 

Ezekiel 16:49

"Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed, and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy."

 

So now, if you're a Christian, that just leaves Paul as the one carrying the anti-homosexual message. Except even he agrees that Sodom and Gomorrah wasn't about homosexuality.

 

Hebrews 13:2

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it."

 

That's in clear reference to the Sodom and Gomorrah story where Lot, the nephew of Abraham, is living in Sodom. Lot is visited by angels disguised as men, and they stay in his house. The people of Sodom, being jerks, don't like that he's letting strangers stay with him and demand they leave.

 

Now if you're still determined to harp on the homosexual thing, yes. Paul makes it clear elsewhere that homosexuality is supposedly a sin. Except...Jesus doesn't. Jesus never mentions homosexuality. At least not directly...

 

Matthew 19:11-12
“Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”

 

That's from Jesus. And the word we must concern ourselves with is "eunuch." Today it has a very specific meaning. A man who has been castrated. Back in 1st century Judea though? It had a broader meaning. It referred to any man who didn't sleep with women and, in fact, was known to be used in reference to homosexuals.

So when Jesus talks about "eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others" he refers to men who have been castrated. "[E]unuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven" are the priests who practised celibacy.

And "eunuchs who have been so from birth"? Men born without the desire to sleep with women. Spoken in a time when "eunuch" was a common term for a gay man. I'm no Christian but I have to think that Jesus' own words trumps Paul's when it comes to what qualifies as a sin or not.




#2013814 2013 MLB Logo and Uniform Changes

Posted by Lee. on May 19, 2013 - 12:23

I like that Angles uniform

It's acute one, to be sure.


#2011834 Whats the greastest era ever?

Posted by infrared41 on May 15, 2013 - 14:39

The era before flacco5 signed up for an account here.


#1991400 UNC uniforms

Posted by Buc on April 14, 2013 - 14:09

For those unaware of where this "zero dark Thursday" thing came from, I'm fairly certain it's a play on "0dark:30", said as "zero dark thirty" (actually, its really only just O-dark thirty"). Anyway, that phrase is fairly standard military jargon to describe any time before sunrise.

Just thought I'dd add that piece into the equation.


Homie, O Dark Thirty is used to designate half past midnight


Homie...I spent fourteen years in the service. Don't even try to pull that mess with me.


#1988632 New Vikings Uniforms

Posted by the admiral on April 9, 2013 - 22:23

The slogan in the collar of the jersey is most likely designed so that it can change every year (even if the uniform design itself doesn't) which will "force" the hard core collector to buy a new one of his team's jerseys for each season just so he has every slogan.

The idea that it's a "tribute" or "inspiring" to the players is laughable at best. It's marketing. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, just let's not think that it's for any noble reason.


I know every day when I put on a shirt, "Tumble Dry on Low" inspires me to greatness. It's kind of become a personal slogan for me and a tribute to me, the way it captures how I really wring people out and toss them around, but warmly and gently.


#2409572 New Browns uni coming 2015

Posted by BringBackTheVet on March 28, 2015 - 14:22

nobody is going to read that.