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@jdolbeer @mlindesay @Capitalics @BuzzFeedBen @jezebrowski I could care less what you're called

@MikeLisboa 100% and I can co-sign your no-tipping story. ?

This makes much more sense when you know that I thought the lyric was “Guys like what what what”

@msjwilly @jk_rowling You're my favorite professor.

Bernie: "Cardi B is right. OKURRRRrr" https://t.co/GfpmxhNoPF

Good luck to Van Nuys car dealer Russell Westbrook in GM 1 of the NBA playoffs. https://t.co/U2vMcdlEX0

@AaronHeadrick21 @NBA @Timberwolves @nuggets As long as they keep it competitive! #AllEyesNorth

[Watching a TV show] PERSON ENTERING ROOM: What movie is this? [Watching a movie] PERSON ENTERING ROOM: What show is this?

@EastBayRaymundo That’s what I was thinking, but I always seem to miss it.

The longest relationship I've ever been in. #MyTwitterAnniversary https://t.co/O8nat8X6IB

When you're 14 and got a free meal at a restaurant because your parents said you're under 12 https://t.co/NXb9478qtO

[Police Station] Officer: You said it was your friend, so it should be easy to pick out. *stares at lineup of phon… https://t.co/imBkcpHvJm

@__fatherless__ SMH

Marvel: 'Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history' Me: https://t.co/YMdBoNm9Tc

Virginia has been fool's...