BrandMooreArt Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 i've been working on this little project for a long while. it's an e-book called "The Modern History of Football Uniform Design" which will, when finished, be given away for free. why free? because i cant sell something with trademarked material that isn't mine. so, i'm using the 1st chapter as sort of a Beta preview; it's called "Ten Significant Helmet Designs" and you can download it HERE what i would love is some feedback on the design and layout. the whole thing will be illustrated (no pictures) with a "throwback uniform" sort of style. it's been a long time since i've done any editorial layout and i'm feeling a bit rusty. how's the type? could i use more white space? are the elements too large? you tell me. and enjoy! GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAWeaver Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 If only owners were told "You're the owner; do what you want" in today's League more often I never knew about that San Diego State helmet nor did I know about the Oregon flames helmet either. both the Texas A&M and the Maryland helmets have got to be my favorite helmets 1-2 respectively. They are so unique and what makes them even better is the fact that they are both hand-painted. HAND PAINTED. HAND. FREAKIN. PAINTED. I wish I had one of each for myself. That's how much I like them. I also wish the Bengals had some sort of gradient from white at the bottom to orange at the top, though a sudden change (like an actual stripe) might look better. The yellow Steelers helmets are also one of my favorites despite the fact that I don't really care for the team.Outstanding work, Brandon. The visuals are top-notch as always and the writing was easy to understand but not dumbed-down. Very nice! @loganaweaver - Twitter / @loganaweaver - Instagram / Nike Vapor Untouchable Football Template / Logan's Logos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JPDesign Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 This is looking really good, though I would say that the body copy is the weakest part at this point. I would look at increasing the margins on all parts to open up the whitespace more. Especially on the intro page, the lines feel too lengthy. On the column layouts, I would decrease the indentations. I'd decrease it to about 1-1.5 ems. Lastly, I'd look at maybe using a slighty more condensed font for the body copy. Something about the pairing of Gotham (I'm assuming) with the ultra condensed headlines feels a little off balance.The illustrations look great, and the content seems to be informative as well. I can't wait to see how it turns out.Edit: content-wise I would maybe argue that the Oregon Rose Bowl chrome helmet should be included as well. That seemed to spark a trend of chrome helmets nation-wide. But I also understand maybe not wanting three Oregon helmets in a row. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnWis97 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 There is a little bit of copyediting that could be done (nothing egregious, though).I wonder if rather than "Ten Significant Helmet Designs" it should be "Ten Significant FOOTBALL Helmet Designs." I know there is a football helmet on the cover (and I hate overuse of the word "football" when discussing football) but I feel like that word should be there.I like the description on how these are just 10 significant designs. It should deflect from those saying "what about the 1998 Broncos? How'd you miss that?" or whatever. I would consider facing all the helmets right; you have the Steelers that way (because the left side is blank, I assume) so maybe just do 'em all that way since that's how they are usually displayed anyway.And I had no idea about FSU using three helmets at once...thanks.That's all I have. Disclaimer: If this comment is about an NBA uniform from 2017-2018 or later, do not constitute a lack of acknowledgement of the corporate logo to mean anything other than "the corporate logo is terrible and makes the uniform significantly worse." BADGERS TWINS VIKINGS TIMBERWOLVES WILD POTD (Shared) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandMooreArt Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 thanks guys, i've gotten some good feedback on how to handle the copy so thats the first thing i'll tackle (bad pun). JP, yea the body copy is Gotham; im using it now because it's a large family, lots of different weights but i'll definitely look at others as a replacement. GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbannon92 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 As the others have said, the only issue I see is the copy. I would get rid of the paragraph indents completely, since you have a line of space between each paragraph. Personally I like to see one or the other, but not both. I also agree with OnWis97 that all the helmets should face right...that's usually how helmets are presented, anyway.On a side note, I never knew that about Florida State. Really cool story! Nike + CFL 2015 | 2015-16 NBA Concepts | Complete College Football Redesign Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jordyhazy Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I love the way that it was planned out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandMooreArt Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 hey all, i'm starting to layout the chapters for the rest of this thing now. im pasting below the topics i would like to cover in the book. my question to you is, is there anything you think i should add or would like for me to cover??Ch.2The Traditional Mold Breaks1997 BroncosCh.3ThrowbacksPrimary Uniforms1998 Jets2004 Colts2005 Giants2006 Browns2009 49ersAlt. uniformsCh.4Reebok’s NFL - 2001 - 20112002 Seahawks2002 Texans2003 Falcons2004 Bengals2005 Cardinals2007 Chargers2011 BillsCh.5Nike’s NFL 2012 - present2012 Seahawks2013 Jaguars2013 Vikings2013 Dolphins2014 Buccaneers2015 BrownsCh.6Uniform Templates1999 Nike templateOregon / Miami2000 NikeIowaOhio St?2003 NikeOregonFlorida2004 NikeMiami2005 Nike RevolutionFloridaMiamiVirginia Tech20062007 Nike Destroyer2009 Pro Combat2010 Pro Combat2011 Speed Machine2012 hypercool?2012 Elite512013 Mach SpeedOregonCh.7Hydro Graphics Inc.Ch.8Oregon DucksCh.9TrendsHelmetschrome/mirrorface mask stripetexturematte/satinJerseysall blackglovesgraypipingtexture numbersCh.10Alt LeaguesArena LeagueXFLUFLA11FLFXFLNFL EuropeCFLCh.111 game alts NCAA GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seattlesonicsofsacramento Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I just saw this thread and read through your first chapter sample, and I love it! I basically have the same feedback as the other posters ITT: lose the indentation since you already have a blank line between each paragraph, make sure to do a little copyediting before the final draft1, and I never knew that Florida State used 3 helmets in each game of a single season. Would that even be legal now? I really, really would like to see it, even if it's just a one-off throwback for FSU.One throwback helmet I've been wondering about you including is the 1932 Redskins helmet with the leather-esque finish they wore in 2012. It seems like this was the go-to throwback finish for everyone to rave about before the NFL killed it the next year and Texas A&M's came out this past season.1If you want a second pair of eyes to help you with that, I could do it for you free of charge (just like this ebook). I do copywriting and editing as a subcontractor so it's right up my alley. Just PM me about it or something. "The pictures looked good on the computer," Will Brown explained Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandMooreArt Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I just saw this thread and read through your first chapter sample, and I love it! I basically have the same feedback as the other posters ITT: lose the indentation since you already have a blank line between each paragraph, make sure to do a little copyediting before the final draft1, and I never knew that Florida State used 3 helmets in each game of a single season. Would that even be legal now? I really, really would like to see it, even if it's just a one-off throwback for FSU.One throwback helmet I've been wondering about you including is the 1932 Redskins helmet with the leather-esque finish they wore in 2012. It seems like this was the go-to throwback finish for everyone to rave about before the NFL killed it the next year and Texas A&M's came out this past season.1If you want a second pair of eyes to help you with that, I could do it for you free of charge (just like this ebook). I do copywriting and editing as a subcontractor so it's right up my alley. Just PM me about it or something.thanks for the feedback and the offer for checking my writing. i've actually had 2 other guys go through it since i posted the rough draft here and the rewrites they gave me are a huge improvement. i will definitely keep you in mind for the next round though. GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandMooreArt Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 VERSION 2 HERE thanks for all the feedback here, on twitter, and IG. i've made some changes to this chapter, most notably in the copywriting. I think what you see here will be the final version and set the format for the rest that is to come. GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnWis97 Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Regarding the above post about uniforms, how about something on traditional / pre-Broncos. Basic stripes-on-sleeves patterns:Packers/Lions/Vikings/Steelers.Northwestern, Bears, Colts/UCLA, etc. Disclaimer: If this comment is about an NBA uniform from 2017-2018 or later, do not constitute a lack of acknowledgement of the corporate logo to mean anything other than "the corporate logo is terrible and makes the uniform significantly worse." BADGERS TWINS VIKINGS TIMBERWOLVES WILD POTD (Shared) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
officeglenn Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 Very nice. Liking the pull quotes and infographics mixed in to break up some of the text. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandMooreArt Posted March 11, 2015 Author Share Posted March 11, 2015 Regarding the above post about uniforms, how about something on traditional / pre-Broncos. Basic stripes-on-sleeves patterns:Packers/Lions/Vikings/Steelers.Northwestern, Bears, Colts/UCLA, etc.the 97 Broncos re-brand is where this all starts. i dont want to write about the entire football history, just the last 20 years or so. but like with this chapter, im sure all those teams will make an appearance in some way as it comes together. GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 This is some killer stuff Brandon, look forward to the rest of the chapter. Huge improvement from V1 to V2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sc49erfan15 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 This is awesome.A few spelling/copy-editing nitpicks that just stuck out at me:Rams: Fred Gehrke, not Gerhke Maryland: Under Armour, Under ArmorSDSU: Marshall Faulk, not Marshal FaulkAlso, is there any reason Cincinnati (1981-pres) is before Pittsburgh (1962), when they're otherwise in chronological order?Small thought: having the professional teams' names larger than the city works. But having "University" larger than "Florida State," "San Diego State," etc. looks redundant. Maybe have "Florida State" larger with "University" on the bottom - or if you're worried about keeping continuity by having the smaller text always above the larger, how about replacing "University" with "Seminoles," "Aztecs," etc.?Other than that, nice job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandMooreArt Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 This is awesome.A few spelling/copy-editing nitpicks that just stuck out at me:Rams: Fred Gehrke, not Gerhke Maryland: Under Armour, Under ArmorSDSU: Marshall Faulk, not Marshal FaulkAlso, is there any reason Cincinnati (1981-pres) is before Pittsburgh (1962), when they're otherwise in chronological order?Small thought: having the professional teams' names larger than the city works. But having "University" larger than "Florida State," "San Diego State," etc. looks redundant. Maybe have "Florida State" larger with "University" on the bottom - or if you're worried about keeping continuity by having the smaller text always above the larger, how about replacing "University" with "Seminoles," "Aztecs," etc.?Other than that, nice job!all good ideas. ill make those changes tomorrow. thanks! GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandMooreArt Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 the next chapter GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C-Squared Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Just read the first PDF... pretty cool stuff, but wouln't this 2012 Skins helmet predate the Texas "relic" design from 2014? My TeePublic Shop My Instagram Art Page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandMooreArt Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Just read the first PDF... pretty cool stuff, but wouln't this 2012 Skins helmet predate the Texas "relic" design from 2014?you could make the case for the shell. but HGI didn't just stop there with the relic processing. the bumpers and face mask clips were all airbrushed to simulate rust and age on the Texas A&M helmets. that complete attention to detail makes it in my mind the first true relic design which went through a process much like Fender's guitars' every piece of those get touched and "aged". the Washington leather helmet was a first of its kind (Packers wore a gloss brown helmet ffor their leather throwbacks) but not on the same level as A&M GRAPHIC ARTIST BEHANCE / MEDIUM / DRIBBBLE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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