ninersdd

Rite of Spring 2018-“What happens in the playoffs stays in the playoffs”

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Decided to use a Vegas theme

 

Anyway looks like the Keystone battle is set, plus Jackets-Capitals.

Also Jets-Wild out West, plus for sure an all California series.

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3 minutes ago, ninersdd said:

Decided to use a Vegas theme

 

Anyway looks like the Keystone battle is set, plus Jackets-Capitals.

Also Jets-Wild out West, plus for sure an all California series.

Jackets in 7 :(

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Well, it's that time of year again! Best fans in hockeyTM, I have a new anthem for our Stanley Cup chase!

 

 

A long exercise in pain awaits us in the Rite of Spring, one that may or may not end in somebody getting impaled ass-through-mouth. Are we to enact the pain, or will we be eaten alive by the rest of the Western Conference (no way this team wins the Cup)? We'll see!

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Can we just skip the first round of the Jackets-Caps & Pengs-Flyers series and get the the part where the Caps lose to Pittsburgh for the 900th time? 

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There are some good looking series here. Kings vs. Knights will be great, and I wonder if Kings fans will flood the arena in Vegas. And of course the BoC tradition continues with Ducks and Sharks. The Wild are screwed this year, but maybe the Jets will be able to stop the almighty Predators from cruising to the WCF. While it's sad that Very Important teams like the Blackhawks and Sabres won't be participating in these playoffs, I think we'll get an entertaining first round.

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Guide to the Stanley Cup From a Person Whose Team Unraveled Like a Cheap Sweater Because Only Corey Crawford Could Stop Pucks

 

1C - Nashville Predators
WHAT'S TO LOVE: predsgirl92
WHAT'S TO HATE: literally everything else imaginable about this insufferable, miles-up-its-own-ass franchise

2WC - Colorado Avalanche

WHAT'S TO LOVE: huge bounceback season, MVP year from Nathan MacKinnon, they put the finishing touch on St. Louis's hilarious swoon, mountain sweaters are back

WHAT'S TO HATE: their snowball's chance in hell against the loathsome Perds

 

2C - Winnipeg Jets
WHAT'S TO LOVE: career years from Laine/Wheeler/Scheifele/Ehlers, the Weakerthans, THE WHITEOUT!, small-town charm, Winnipeg's hockeyest self-loathing in hockey
WHAT'S TO HATE: you'll have to ask a warm-weather NHL fan because God knows they'll tell you

 

3C - Minnesota Wild
WHAT'S TO LOVE: Minnesotans, the increased prominence of Scenery Bear
WHAT'S TO HATE: Bruce Boudreau's bad coaching, the feeling that this perpetual first-round out is just taking up space, the name "Wild"

 

1P - Vegas Golden Knights
WHAT'S TO LOVE: a heartwarming underdog story if you're an idiot
WHAT'S TO HATE: the bend-the-league-over-a-barrel expansion draft, a general manager who punched a Blackhawks coach in the face because of a bad call in a preseason game, James Neal, David Perron, their wretched 100-degree low-culture hellworld city, Quebec City's "deferral," Vegas flu, unsustainable shooting metrics, the utter illegitimacy that their meteoric rise confers on the National Hockey League and perhaps even ice hockey as an entire sport

1WC - Los Angeles Kings
WHAT'S TO LOVE: saying "allegedviolentrapistDrewDoughty" like Vince McMahon saying "allegedrealworld'schampionRicFlair" at Royal Rumble '92
WHAT'S TO HATE: Dustin Brown, success without catatonic weirdo Darryl Sutter
 

2P - San Jose Sharks
WHAT'S TO LOVE: beards, Tomas Hertl, the NHL's Best Fans, the way they ripped on Winnipeg
WHAT'S TO HATE: all those weird names their players have, the way they ripped on Winnipeg

3P - Anaheim Ducks
WHAT'S TO LOVE: I dunno maybe they drafted the greatest goalie of all time for the fifth time or something 
WHAT'S TO HATE: Ryan Kesler, Ryan Getzlaf, Kevin Bieksa, Corey Perry, the phenomenon wherein you list odious players and Corey Perry ranks fourth

 

---

 

1M - Washington Capitals
WHAT'S TO LOVE: the irony of Washington's team being led by EEEEEEEEVIL RUSSIANS!!!! :o:o:o
WHAT'S TO HATE: Barry Trotz's lack of neck, the unimaginable evil most certainly perpetrated by DoD contractors in Northern Virginia

 

1WC - Columbus Blue Jackets 
WHAT'S TO LOVE: BobroCop, Seth Jones, Artemi Panarin
WHAT'S TO HATE: that dang cannon, whatever John Tortorella did to break Brandon Saad's brain

 

2M: Pittsburgh Penguins
WHAT'S TO LOVE: Crosby, Malkin, Kessel, Mike Lange, the Skating Penguin, a cool city
WHAT'S TO HATE: how obnoxious it would be if they three-peated and how it would further diminish the Blackhawks' achievements
 

3M: Philadelphia Flyers
WHAT'S TO LOVE: Claude Giroux, Shayne Gostisbehere, Travis Konecny, Flyers fans, the hope that this will distract Philly from the 76ers
WHAT'S TO HATE: nothin' really

 

1A/2A: Boston Bruins
WHAT'S TO LOVE: Patrice Bergeron, Zdeno Chara, Jack Edwards, predicting which elite player they'll trade for an Ogie Oglethorpe this summer
WHAT'S TO HATE: Brad MAW-SHAN, his limbs, his stick, his face

 

1A/2A: Tampa Bay Lightning
WHAT'S TO LOVE: skilled hockey with a loaded lineup
WHAT'S TO HATE: that they seem to play the NHL like a video game and get whoever they want, Stamkos's rodential face
 

3A: Toronto Maple Leafs

WHAT'S TO LOVE: the M&M boys, Toronto's long-overdue and VERY IMPORTANT resurgence

WHAT'S TO HATE: Uncle Fester-looking Lamoriello washed up here, Mike Babcock running so much interference you can't call all of it


2WC - New Jersey Devils
WHAT'S TO LOVE: a Devils team without Fatso or Lou Lamoriello, Chico Resch
WHAT'S TO HATE: horsemouthed bitch Taylor Hall ranting to anyone who'll listen about how awful the Oilers are
 

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20 minutes ago, the admiral said:

Guide to the Stanley Cup From a Person Whose Team Unraveled Like a Cheap Sweater Because Only Corey Crawford Could Stop Pucks

 

1P - Vegas Golden Knights
WHAT'S TO LOVE: a heartwarming underdog story if you're an idiot
WHAT'S TO HATE: the bend-the-league-over-a-barrel expansion draft, a general manager who punched a Blackhawks coach in the face because of a bad call in a preseason game, James Neal, David Perron, their wretched 100-degree low-culture hellworld city, Quebec City's "deferral," Vegas flu, unsustainable shooting metrics, the utter illegitimacy that their meteoric rise confers on the National Hockey League and perhaps even ice hockey as an entire sport.

1

 

You forgot the Maloof brothers being in the ownership group as something to hate.  Sure a reason enough for me to wish them a quick exit from the playoffs and a one-way ticket to obscurity.

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Oh God, I did. Maybe there should have been a country concert in their front office.

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51 minutes ago, the admiral said:

3P - Anaheim Ducks

WHAT'S TO LOVE: I dunno maybe they drafted the greatest goalie of all time for the fifth time or something 
WHAT'S TO HATE: Ryan Kesler, Ryan Getzlaf, Kevin Bieksa, Corey Perry, the phenomenon wherein you list odious players and Corey Perry ranks fourth

 

Point of order, the Ducks finished second because the Sharks apparently got their choking done early by having a 7-point lead and the tiebreaker over the Ducks with 5 games left and still giving up home ice.

 

Also, I’m actually curious, what’s so “odious” about Ryan Getzlaf? Like when it comes to people hating Ducks players, I get it with the other culprits. But what about Getzlaf is there to hate at this point? Yeah, he was definitely a demonstrative complainer early on, but I’d say that’s been thoroughly flushed out of his system now. Sure, he had the “cocksucker” thing from last season, but find me someone among the hockey community that hasn’t said that and they’ll be the first. Skills-wise, he’s the next Joe Thornton in waiting (hopefully without the lack of playoff success).

 

What puts Getzlaf on the same level as Kesler/Perry/Bieksa?

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1 hour ago, the admiral said:

Oh God, I did. Maybe there should have been a country concert in their front office.

Stay classy, admiral.

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1 hour ago, the admiral said:

1P - Vegas Golden Knights
WHAT'S TO HATE: the bend-the-league-over-a-barrel expansion draft, a general manager who punched a Blackhawks coach in the face because of a bad call in a preseason game, James Neal, David Perron, their wretched 100-degree low-culture hellworld city, Quebec City's "deferral," Vegas flu, unsustainable shooting metrics, the utter illegitimacy that their meteoric rise confers on the National Hockey League and perhaps even ice hockey as an entire sport

 

Yup. You bet your ass it does. If this stupid team wins the cup in their very first year of existence, I'll NEVER watch a hockey game again as long as I live. I mean, I don't watch hockey now anyway, but it still registers to me as a legitimate sport. Vegas' wannabe-Army jackwagon expansion crew wins the title in the top league in the world in their first go around? Yeah, :censored: hockey. That drops them to somewhere just behind tennis and figure skating in terms of what registers with me. 

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2 hours ago, Still MIGHTY said:

Point of order, the Ducks finished second because the Sharks apparently got their choking done early by having a 7-point lead and the tiebreaker over the Ducks with 5 games left and still giving up home ice.

pfffft oh Sharks. Sorry I missed this. But Getzlaf is still pretty obnoxious. Punchable face. Still complains too much. 

 

We can say "cocksucker" here now? Nice.

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Here's a true story: A couple weeks back my parents were in Pittsburgh visiting my sister and bumped into Barry Trotz in a downtown CVS. My dad, incapable of leaving anyone alone (once told Sam Wyche he should try Stanford Jennings on kick returns and thus takes credit for his Super Bowl touchdown), told him they were from Columbus and huge Blue Jackets fans and that he was rooting for the Capitals that night. My mom, thinking he was the coach of the Penguins said "we don't want to play the Penguins in the playoffs" and Barry Trotz said "well we don't want to play the Blue Jackets." So there you have it, Barry Trotz, scared of the Columbus Blue Jackets. 

 

The one day tank worked. Im just thrilled we don't have to play the Penguins again, even if we lose to Washington. At least I know a series with Washington will be called fairly and I don't personally know any ahole Capitals fans. 

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5 hours ago, the admiral said:

3M: Philadelphia Flyers
WHAT'S TO LOVE: Claude Giroux, Shayne Gostisbehere, Travis Konecny, Flyers fans, the hope that this will distract Philly from the 76ers
WHAT'S TO HATE: nothin' really
 

Appreciate the kind words...you don't hear them too much about the Flyers from an outside perspective. 

 

The Flyers will probably lose in 4 or 5 to the Penguins but it's fun to have playoff hockey in the area.

 

Also, I'm a Sixers fan too but I'm not buying into the crazy hype that they could go to the conference finals, but they will fare better than their hockey counterparts.

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7 hours ago, the admiral said:

1A/2A: Boston Bruins
WHAT'S TO LOVE: Patrice Bergeron, Zdeno Chara, Jack Edwards, predicting which elite player they'll trade for an Ogie Oglethorpe this summer

 

Peter Chiarelli left a few years ago.

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Ducks will beat the Sharks. They just will because of things and stuff.

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8 hours ago, the admiral said:

Guide to the Stanley Cup From a Person Whose Team Unraveled Like a Cheap Sweater Because Only Corey Crawford Could Stop Pucks

 

1C - Nashville Predators
WHAT'S TO LOVE: predsgirl92
WHAT'S TO HATE: literally everything else imaginable about this insufferable, miles-up-its-own-ass franchise

I'll grant that the Preds bandwagoners are annoying, but aren't all bandwagoners? LA and Chicago specifically come to mind on that front.

 

I'll also grant you that, now that I've lived in Minnesota for a few years, I find the Predators' SEC football game vibe less charming than I used to.

 

That being said, last year's playoff run did a lot to help me get the "sunbelt chip" off my shoulder. Nashville is in a good position to be a force for years to come. Hopefully that helps the rest of the fanbase calm their :censored:.

 

I'm glad we won the President's Trophy. The cup is the goal, but it'll be nice to add another banner to the rafters. Anyone who feels differently probably can't relate to the struggles of the 98-2000 expansion teams and their collective lack of success.

 

As a parting shot (because I'm certainly not above being petty), I just want to mention how happy I am that we get our second straight postseason without hearing Chelsea Dagger.

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Enjoy it. Is it true that the Nashville bars make you drink straight from the bottles because there won't be any cups?

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It's pretty amazing that every Ducks season sees them get ravaged by injuries in the first half and have generally poor results, and then after the second half is over they've got Game 1 at home in the first round.

 

Groundhog day, these Ducks. Every season is the same.

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