Mac the Knife

Congratulations, Lottery Winner!

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You're in disbelief.  You stare at the ticket, then at the numbers, and you suddenly realize that you've hit the $1.6 billion MegaMillions jackpot.  And the next day you learn:  you're the sole winner.

 

I won't try to pretend to do all the tax calculations involved, but let's say for purposes of the story you walk away with $600 million, net, in a single payment - not enough to buy an NBA, NFL or Major League Baseball franchise, and out of prudence you don't buy into the NHL either as you want to diversify your investments at least a little.  So you make a decision:  you want to buy a franchise, but spend no more than $300 million to acquire it, in its entirety.

 

What existing team (or teams; after all, you have $300 million to play with) do you pursue... and why?

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I guess it's MLS then since the other 4 are off limits finances wise. I'll buy the Crew from Haslam and build my own stadium in Columbus. 

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Well with $300M, that automatically eliminates every NFL and NBA team (and I would assume MLB and NHL teams as well). I'd join Wings and buy into the MLS, probably with a team in Cleveland (I would love to do Pittsburgh but I'm being real here, no one cares about soccer here except the Yuppies).

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It's not the worst thing to actually describe the topic in your topic title.

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Maybe it's lame, but I'd buy the Florence (KY) Freedom of the Frontier League. I interned there for a summer, and then worked as the sound guy for two years, and was some of the most fun I've ever had (despite the internship being unpaid). I have no idea how much it'd cost.

 

I feel like it's still fun enough to own a pro team, but it'd be more of a local/community thing, which I think would be more fun. Also, it being the Frontier League, I feel like you can get away with more things marketing/production/promotion wise vs. a larger league.

 

I might pay to renovate Cincinnati's US Bank Arena, rather than a new tax, so we could have the NCAA Tournament.

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Irresponsible enough to play the lottery, too responsible to invest in the NHL

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I'd buy the on ice advertising spots for the Penguins for a season and then place either secondary / historical logos in the center ice spots, and keep the damn corners clean.  

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All the fanciest arena football teams. Dijon arena football teams!

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11 hours ago, RedRenesis said:

I'd buy the on ice advertising spots for the Penguins for a season and then place either secondary / historical logos in the center ice spots, and keep the damn corners clean.  

 

Along those lines - maybe I'd get my own arena sponsorship deal, which includes a photo of me (probably doing the Buddy Christ) right on the ice / court.  Why not?  I'm rich goddammit, and that's the kind of stuff rich people do.

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13 hours ago, BringBackTheVet said:

How much did we raise for our ABA team?  I'd pay the rest off.

$5 and a dream.

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I'd probably buy either the Revs or Fire because they both are in top media markets (higher value potential) and have ugly logos that I can change.  Though on second thought they both also have really stupid stadium locations that aren't likely fixed with just a billion.

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My wife is one of the most reasonable people I've ever met, but anytime a lotto gets super high she buys exactly one ticket. She already agreed to let me buy the Carolina Hurricanes if she wins. Forbes values them at $370M. Not the cheapest franchise though: Sabres - $350M, Blue Jackets - $315M, Panthers - $305M, and the Coyotes - $300M. Where to move them is the problem though. Houston probably allows me to immediately grow their value, but I'd like to live close to my team and Houston doesn't appeal to me. San Diego would be the only game in town during the winter months, so that might work. 

 

So there it is, the Arizona Coyotes will become the San Diego Flip Flops after I win. I will accept all concepts for the new team logos and unis, with the winner being gifted a luxury box for all Flip Flops home games.

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4 minutes ago, ZapRowsdower8 said:

My wife is one of the most reasonable people I've ever met, but anytime a lotto gets super high she buys exactly one ticket. She already agreed to let me buy the Carolina Hurricanes if she wins. Forbes values them at $370M. Not the cheapest franchise though: Sabres - $350M, Blue Jackets - $315M, Panthers - $305M, and the Coyotes - $300M. Where to move them is the problem though. Houston probably allows me to immediately grow their value, but I'd like to live close to my team and Houston doesn't appeal to me. San Diego would be the only game in town during the winter months, so that might work. 

 

So there it is, the Arizona Coyotes will become the San Diego Flip Flops after I win. I will accept all concepts for the new team logos and unis, with the winner being gifted a lQuoteuxury box for all Flip Flops home games.

 

You do realize that the Hurricanes just sold for $550 million nine months ago though, right?

 

Oh, and to answer my own question:

I take $300M (USD), convert it to CDN (currently around $390M).  I buy the British Columbia Lions from David Braley for $40-50M, then invest $250M (CDN) or so in building a new, outdoor, open-ended and oceanside stadium that seats maybe about 30-35,000.

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Welcome to MLS, Sacramento Republic FC of Colombus Crew (cause I ain’t paying the expansion fee lol. What do you think I am, crazy?) 

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Is that enough money to keep Mike Trout in Anaheim forever?

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20 minutes ago, Bucfan56 said:

Welcome to MLS, Sacramento Republic FC of San José Earthquakes and San José Earthquakes of Houston Dynamo (cause I ain’t paying the expansion fee lol. What do you think I am, crazy?) 

 

I’d say revenge is the proper course here. It gets rid of that “record transfer” $hit too. The original Quakes return (w/ Houston/old Quakes’ history), while the fake Quakes go somewhere new.

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I'd buy into the CPL.

 

 

It might be a risk with a team north of Toronto and Hamilton already in the golden horseshoe but I'd go for it and try and make this happen. Probably would try to brand it with a more regional feel (for example: Peel Region FC as opposed to Mississauga FC)

 

If I'm reading this right; the math is essentially that each team will be putting in $50 of their own money over 10 years to play in the league , that'd leave $200 million-ish (plus a bit of a buffer) to get a stadium put together. I'd assume that'd be enough to build a 15,000 to 25,000 seat stadium that isn't too over the top. 

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Let's build that proposed open air stadium on St. Louis' river front and lure the Jags out of Jacksonville. What could go wrong?

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I'd basically own an entire minor league. Run the whole thing exactly how I wanted. USHL go for about $2 million each. A 16-team league would be $32 million or so. Probably would be cheaper to start an entirely new baseball or hockey league yourself. No expansion fees. Or indoor/arena football for about $50.

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