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Bucfan56    3,854
On 1/12/2017 at 6:06 AM, CS85 said:

 

A few recent posts seem to qualify under this advice I gave a while back. 

 

 

Its weird how how the boards edit quotes within a quote, but DAMN if that original point you made isn't spot on. 

 

Ive been dating my current girlfriend for close to a year now, and moved in with her about a half year ago. She gives me :censored: for damn near everything and we have our fights (more so for me than any other relationship I've ever been in) but she's really the first one I've been with where I never have to even question how she really feels about me because I deep down I just know. Sure you've gotta put up with some crap here and there, but it's so worth it when you find someone who's genuinely committed to you. I'm usually not much of a fighter and would rather avoid conflict at all costs, but I've been in plenty of relationships where there are never fights and everything seems copacetic all the time on the surface. Problem is, you never really can tell if it's genuine. My parents give each other more :censored: than any two people I've ever met, and they bicker and quarrel sometimes to an annoying level. But they've also been together for close to 50 years, and have never had any point that's been rocky enough to consider going their separate ways. That's pretty damn rare, and I think where most people miss the point. Relationships are hard as hell, and they kinda should be at times. The only way you can really build that commitment is to work hard on it and deal with the bull :censored: that comes with it. 

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mr.nascar13    661

Warning: Megapost, so I'mma spoiler it for ya. This is moreso me posting my thoughts and less so looking for advice, though I'm open to anything.

 



So... This weekend was... Odd. But first, a back story:

 

I'm really good friends with this girl (Girl #1) that was the underwriting director last semester for the college radio station and overall media group I work with on campus. Unfortunately, due to stress and conflicting interests with the supervising professors, she has to step down and recommended that I take her place, which I did.

 

At the end of last semester, we planned a trip to Buffalo Wild Wings during the first week of the semester, which occurred this past Thursday (my first time to B-Dubs, BTW; Not bad). She brings her best friend (we'll call her Girl #2), who I've met before and has a boyfriend in Columbus. She is pretty cute, not gonna lie, but not really my type. We go, have a great time, have some laughs, a quick run to Walmart, etc. I make the comment that no one ever texts me (they were texting other friends at this point), so they decide to start a group chat with me, making it their mission to make me as uncomfortable as possible, quoting Fifty Shades of Grey, other sexual stuff, etc, though it was all made jokingly.

 

Friday evening, I'm working with Girl #3 getting ready to go on-air in a half hour when she asks me about what all happened the night before, as she was n the room when we were discussing it earlier in the day. Girl #3 just so happens to be the one I struck out on back in September, as some of you may recall. She teased me about it, knowing I'm the youngest one in the group, but also implying that me and girls #1 & #2 "did something together" that night, which I laughed at the thought of and shot down immediately.

 

Fast forward to Friday night, and I'm needing to spend the night on campus (I commute just under an hour, so occasionally I'll stay with a friend on campus). Just so happens, Girl #1 has a third bed in her dorm that isn't occupied. I've stayed in it at least one other time before this, and nothing happened. I'm sitting on the bed when I hear that some of Girl #1's sorority sisters are spending the night in the room. Not wanting to weird anyone out, I immediately make plans to stay with a buddy two floors up who just so happened to have lost a roommate due to financial aid being rejected.

 

Just before I leave, I'm told by Girl #1 I need to stay because Girl #2 is on her way. I say OK, but then she says I can't go until I've had at least a sip of alcohol, so I agree. What's one sip gonna hurt? They give me one of those Margarita in a pouch things, and I drink the whole thing because I didn't want to stay long. At this point, Girl #2 is already here, and asks me if I want to see her boobs. Obviously, I said no, knowing she had a boyfriend and learning about her past, knew that it just wasn't right. I thank them for a fun night, and walk upstairs to my buddy's place. 

 

I get him and another friend caught up on what happened, and all of a sudden, I'm made out to be the bad guy, as they say I should've accepted her offer. Now, I've never been in a relationship, but I know for sure that's not how you start something. Most of my denial comes from religious reasons, but they don't seem to care too much about that. I told them I have a better respect for women than that, and that when the day comes, it'll be when I'm ready and in a relationship, not with some girl I just sorta-kinda met (we've known each other for about a year but never really talked until now). I'm sure they were mostly joking but if not... Oh boy. 

TL;Dr: people can be messed up sometimes. 

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Mings    577

Ummmmm....you missed out on a threesome. 

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LMU    3,137

Potentially NSFW but I'll leave this here regarding the whole high school relationship back home thing.

 

 

And considering that my high school girlfriend ended up constantly bragging about sleeping on random guys' sofas due to being too drunk to ride her bike home and that she ended up getting immediately into another relationship after we ended it I can confirm Professor Leykis on some points.

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Cosmic    2,556
7 hours ago, mr.nascar13 said:

Warning: Megapost, so I'mma spoiler it for ya. This is moreso me posting my thoughts and less so looking for advice, though I'm open to anything.

 

 

  Hide contents

 

 


So... This weekend was... Odd. But first, a back story:

 

I'm really good friends with this girl (Girl #1) that was the underwriting director last semester for the college radio station and overall media group I work with on campus. Unfortunately, due to stress and conflicting interests with the supervising professors, she has to step down and recommended that I take her place, which I did.

 

At the end of last semester, we planned a trip to Buffalo Wild Wings during the first week of the semester, which occurred this past Thursday (my first time to B-Dubs, BTW; Not bad). She brings her best friend (we'll call her Girl #2), who I've met before and has a boyfriend in Columbus. She is pretty cute, not gonna lie, but not really my type. We go, have a great time, have some laughs, a quick run to Walmart, etc. I make the comment that no one ever texts me (they were texting other friends at this point), so they decide to start a group chat with me, making it their mission to make me as uncomfortable as possible, quoting Fifty Shades of Grey, other sexual stuff, etc, though it was all made jokingly.

 

Friday evening, I'm working with Girl #3 getting ready to go on-air in a half hour when she asks me about what all happened the night before, as she was n the room when we were discussing it earlier in the day. Girl #3 just so happens to be the one I struck out on back in September, as some of you may recall. She teased me about it, knowing I'm the youngest one in the group, but also implying that me and girls #1 & #2 "did something together" that night, which I laughed at the thought of and shot down immediately.

 

Fast forward to Friday night, and I'm needing to spend the night on campus (I commute just under an hour, so occasionally I'll stay with a friend on campus). Just so happens, Girl #1 has a third bed in her dorm that isn't occupied. I've stayed in it at least one other time before this, and nothing happened. I'm sitting on the bed when I hear that some of Girl #1's sorority sisters are spending the night in the room. Not wanting to weird anyone out, I immediately make plans to stay with a buddy two floors up who just so happened to have lost a roommate due to financial aid being rejected.

 

Just before I leave, I'm told by Girl #1 I need to stay because Girl #2 is on her way. I say OK, but then she says I can't go until I've had at least a sip of alcohol, so I agree. What's one sip gonna hurt? They give me one of those Margarita in a pouch things, and I drink the whole thing because I didn't want to stay long. At this point, Girl #2 is already here, and asks me if I want to see her boobs. Obviously, I said no, knowing she had a boyfriend and learning about her past, knew that it just wasn't right. I thank them for a fun night, and walk upstairs to my buddy's place. 

 

I get him and another friend caught up on what happened, and all of a sudden, I'm made out to be the bad guy, as they say I should've accepted her offer. Now, I've never been in a relationship, but I know for sure that's not how you start something. Most of my denial comes from religious reasons, but they don't seem to care too much about that. I told them I have a better respect for women than that, and that when the day comes, it'll be when I'm ready and in a relationship, not with some girl I just sorta-kinda met (we've known each other for about a year but never really talked until now). I'm sure they were mostly joking but if not... Oh boy. 
 

 

 

TL;Dr: people can be messed up sometimes. 

If you want God to be the third person in your threesome, then you did a good job. If you're looking for a "relationship", then that was a golden opportunity.

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mr.nascar13    661
On 1/17/2017 at 6:06 AM, Cosmic said:

If you want God to be the third person in your threesome, then you did a good job. If you're looking for a "relationship", then that was a golden opportunity.

Probably wouldn't have worded it that way, but your first point is correct. I know not everyone I meet is gonna have the same values I do. It's just how things are these days. I'm not going to force someone to believe what I believe, but if they have similar interests, then so be it. 

 

If I'm going to get a relationship, that's not how I'm going to do it.

 

On 1/16/2017 at 11:11 PM, Mings said:

Ummmmm....you missed out on a threesome. 

That's not what I'm looking for though. 

-------

To add to the story, I'm staying on campus this weekend to work, so it should be an interesting weekend. I'm also going to be the DD for Girls #1 & #2 as Girl #1 has a formal event with her sorority the first week of April, so that should be interesting as well. 

 

If anything does happen between me and any of them, it'll most likely be with Girl #1, as Girl #3 turned me down last September and I've lost interest for the most part, and Girl #2 has a boyfriend and has given WAY too much detail about her, uh, "private life". 

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BeerGuyJordan    915
On 1/16/2017 at 10:11 PM, Mings said:

Ummmmm....you missed out on a threesome. 

Speaking as someone with a fair amount of threesome experience, they are often more drama than they are worth. Especially if you have to regularly interact with one or more participants, afterwards.

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Bucfan56    3,854

God I miss college. 

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Mings    577
6 hours ago, Bucfan56 said:

God I miss college. 

Honestly I don't, but I was the poor kid that stood out among all the children of the 1% class. I never dated someone that went to the same university I did. Hell, I shouldn't have dated the entire time I was in New Orleans...but I was lonely. Dating/relationships because you're lonely are bad, y'all.

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CS85    5,400

The only reasons I miss college are that I wish I could go back and appreciate how interesting classes were and I'd focus more on what I was learning and trying to learn instead of simply trying to get through everything as quickly as possible.  I miss being young, but I don't miss being as reckless and stupid as I was back then.  What I've learned in my life in the years since college is so incredibly invaluable to me as a person that I would never trade that in just to have better skin, hair, and be in better shape.  

 

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mr.nascar13    661
On 1/17/2017 at 7:49 AM, mr.nascar13 said:

Probably wouldn't have worded it that way, but your first point is correct. I know not everyone I meet is gonna have the same values I do. It's just how things are these days. I'm not going to force someone to believe what I believe, but if they have similar interests, then so be it. 

 

If I'm going to get a relationship, that's not how I'm going to do it.

 

That's not what I'm looking for though. 

-------

To add to the story, I'm staying on campus this weekend to work, so it should be an interesting weekend. I'm also going to be the DD for Girls #1 & #2 as Girl #1 has a formal event with her sorority the first week of April, so that should be interesting as well. 

 

If anything does happen between me and any of them, it'll most likely be with Girl #1, as Girl #3 turned me down last September and I've lost interest for the most part, and Girl #2 has a boyfriend and has given WAY too much detail about her, uh, "private life". 

Update: spent about an hour hanging out with Girl #1 before I had to manage a quick half-hour radio show. Before the show, she puts in the group chat that she's not wanting to drink, party, or anything really, and had already had plans with me to eat pizza in her dorm.

 

Came back, picked up a pizza, and she was already drunk (I'm still learning these things). I was gonna watch her all night to make sure nothing happened to her. Luckily, Girl #2 got off work and got to campus in time before Girl #1 went 'too far'. So, hopefully everything is OK. I hahd planned to go to this event on campus with Girl #3, but when I asked if she was going she said no, which I understood be it was long and pretty lame.

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Arts11    20
On 1/11/2017 at 5:40 PM, BeerGuyJordan said:

Don't rush to define anything, right now. Enjoy her communique and company. Make sure to casually mention that you enjoy them. Don't come on too strong, but be open about enjoying her. With both of your work schedules being so busy, this is the best move, for now. Re-evaluate in about another month.

So in the almost 3 weeks since, I think I'm ready to just let it go. We've met up once or twice for a quick coffee during impromptu work breaks, but it was rushed and kind of forced. It's just too much work for such little return. That, and the fact that actual busy season at work is going to ramp up in earnest soon so I don't think things are going to get any better. I think the mutual attraction may still be there, but it's gotten buried by too much outside stuff. Think I'm just gonna pull back and forget about things for now.

 

Funny thing is, I recently met a friend of a friend (well, more like acquaintance) last week that came to town for a job interview. They asked if I could check in on her while she was here. We ended up getting lunch and spending about half the day together after her interview and I felt like we had instant chemistry. Granted, it was short and it was a different situation, but that just kinda reminded me how fun and relatively effortless this should all be. I'm kicking myself right about now for not actually getting her number before she left. I mean, I guess I could ask my acquaintance, but the chances that she actually moves here are pretty slim, so I don't think there's much of a point. For one, she lives out of state so I feel like she can find someplace closer to home, and two, the job she applied for doesn't pay all that well relatively-speaking.

 

Anyway, this experience just reminded me that things shouldn't require so much effort, and I just need to find someone more available.

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twi    277

So the past two weekends I've been to two separate teammate's/friend's engagement parties and wedding receptions. Same girl was at both and tonight we made plans to see each other again, just the two of us. First girl that's been more than a hookup since my last girlfriend about two years ago so I felt good enough about it to post here at 1 in the morning. 

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ZEGH82    9

So, I've fallen for my best friend. She's this amazing, beautiful, and dorky girl. We spend every day talking to each other like every second. Reason why we can't date? She got a boyfriend this January. She never talks about him unless I ask how they're doing. The response is usually how he's a typical, confusing guy. One day, I joked saying I wasn't the typical guy. She replied with "that's true. You're caring and nice and know how to make me smile. And you're always here for me." She often tells me that I make her day especially on the bad ones. The other night I went to Dave and Busters and she joked and asked if I could win her a stuffed animal. I had just enough points to buy her the biggest one there. I'm supposed to give it to her soon (she lives 30 minutes from my town). Would it be right to tell her then and there that I've fallen for her? Or should I hold on and see how things go with her and her boyfriend?

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CS85    5,400

She's got a boyfriend, dude.  You're her friend now, and if you tell her you have feelings for her you'll not only screw up how she's feeling about you as a friend, but may also sabotage your chances of getting with her. 

 

I'd advise actually becoming distant with her, for yourself more than anything.  At some point if she asks why you're being so aloof, that's when you can say something to the effect of, "I felt like there were a lot of feelings and emotions for me with you, and needed to back away."  At that juncture, you'll basically find out if she reciprocates or not and if she'd ever even considered you in that regard. 

 

The problem in these situations is that she's dating someone who is a satisfying match in a lot of ways she's prioritized, likely physical and in terms of challenge, but obviously there's some emotional aspects that aren't being met and perhaps validation problems that she's not getting from her girlfriends.  That's where you come in.  If all you seem to do is agree with her and give her positive feedback without her ever indicating you're more, you're being used and should walk away out of principle before you get your heart broken. 

 

Because again, you've fallen for somebody who's got a boyfriend yet apparently has indicated to you mixed signals. To me, you're in a no-win situation with no happy ending in sight, but do whatever you want.  I've been in your shoes before several times and it never ended well once. Just left me hurt.  She's not worth it. 

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Arts11    20

What's everyone's thoughts on dating or not dating based off of someone's public reputation? I've been seeing this woman for the last several weeks, but despite my best efforts to keep my personal life private, I guess someone saw us out one night and suddenly I've been dragged into the office rumor mill. We work for different, but sometimes competing companies so there's always been some intermingling and networking between employees.  And apparently she's developed an unpleasant reputation among the office gossip mongers, all unbeknownst to me, because she's gone out with 1 or 2 of my coworkers, who to be honest, are not the most scrupulous or trustworthy of people to start with and apparently love to talk about their "social" agenda at work a lot.

 

Anyway, I've been approached by a number of "concerned" coworkers who've not-so-casually mentioned that she "gets around" and that I should be careful. I would normally kind of shrug this off, but it's gotten to the point that I'm hearing from some work friends that random coworkers are talking about us and throwing in even more rumors, and now I don't know what to believe. She brought it up herself without prompting, but she says she's been ostracized at her work because she actually tries to challenge certain practices/promote change and so plays devil's advocate at times, making her unpopular among some of her coworkers (although some rumors are saying she's "difficult to work with"). That and people using rumors about her personal life (she's one of those unintentionally flirty girls who gets along better with guys than girls) as further reason to shun her.

 

Basically, this is like High School all over again but with 20-30something year olds, and like it or not, it's starting to get distracting. I like this woman and wouldn't stop seeing her just because of what everyone's saying, but I'm also not going to lie and say that some of the rumors (professional and personal ones) don't bother me. After all, some must be steeped in some truth for them to have grown so much, right? At this point, we still get along, but I feel like there's just a little bit of tension there now since things kinda got more public with us, and I don't really know where things are going relationship-wise. It also doesn't help that she's told me she's starting to look for new jobs in a different city now because of all of this. 

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burgundy    543
8 hours ago, Arts11 said:

What's everyone's thoughts on dating or not dating based off of someone's public reputation? I've been seeing this woman for the last several weeks, but despite my best efforts to keep my personal life private, I guess someone saw us out one night and suddenly I've been dragged into the office rumor mill. We work for different, but sometimes competing companies so there's always been some intermingling and networking between employees.  And apparently she's developed an unpleasant reputation among the office gossip mongers, all unbeknownst to me, because she's gone out with 1 or 2 of my coworkers, who to be honest, are not the most scrupulous or trustworthy of people to start with and apparently love to talk about their "social" agenda at work a lot.

 

Anyway, I've been approached by a number of "concerned" coworkers who've not-so-casually mentioned that she "gets around" and that I should be careful. I would normally kind of shrug this off, but it's gotten to the point that I'm hearing from some work friends that random coworkers are talking about us and throwing in even more rumors, and now I don't know what to believe. She brought it up herself without prompting, but she says she's been ostracized at her work because she actually tries to challenge certain practices/promote change and so plays devil's advocate at times, making her unpopular among some of her coworkers (although some rumors are saying she's "difficult to work with"). That and people using rumors about her personal life (she's one of those unintentionally flirty girls who gets along better with guys than girls) as further reason to shun her.

 

Basically, this is like High School all over again but with 20-30something year olds, and like it or not, it's starting to get distracting. I like this woman and wouldn't stop seeing her just because of what everyone's saying, but I'm also not going to lie and say that some of the rumors (professional and personal ones) don't bother me. After all, some must be steeped in some truth for them to have grown so much, right? At this point, we still get along, but I feel like there's just a little bit of tension there now since things kinda got more public with us, and I don't really know where things are going relationship-wise. It also doesn't help that she's told me she's starting to look for new jobs in a different city now because of all of this. 

 

Tell your coworkers you're a grown ass man, and it's none of their damn business who you date. If you like her, that's all that matters.

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monkeypower    656

Yeah it's up to you who you want to date and (for the most part) up to you if you want to continue dating. If coworkers are coming up all hours of the work day with unsolicited advice and gossip, make it repeatedly known it's not something you want to talk about and they shouldn't either.

 

That being said, I personally wouldn't entirely discount what people are saying. Someone who has been ostracized at her office for repeatedly playing devil's advocate and for being an "unitentionally flirty" girl who gets along with guys better than girls does bring up some yellow flags to me.

 

As for her "getting around" it's also up to you if that matters or not, though it could mean something just as much as it could mean nothing.

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Arts11    20
11 hours ago, burgundy said:

 

Tell your coworkers you're a grown ass man, and it's none of their damn business who you date. If you like her, that's all that matters.

 

11 hours ago, monkeypower said:

Yeah it's up to you who you want to date and (for the most part) up to you if you want to continue dating. If coworkers are coming up all hours of the work day with unsolicited advice and gossip, make it repeatedly known it's not something you want to talk about and they shouldn't either.

 

That being said, I personally wouldn't entirely discount what people are saying. Someone who has been ostracized at her office for repeatedly playing devil's advocate and for being an "unitentionally flirty" girl who gets along with guys better than girls does bring up some yellow flags to me.

 

As for her "getting around" it's also up to you if that matters or not, though it could mean something just as much as it could mean nothing.

 

Yeah, it's frustrating because it's so petty. Prior to all of this, I really was just not plugged in to office drama and I was content with that. Now, I just get random stares and hear my name passed around, and it's not likely to abate until the next bit of gossip comes out. 

 

The part about her not exactly gelling with her coworkers is sort of a yellow flag for me because I can't tell if it's the situation or something related to her. It's weird because when I first met her at a networking event, she seemed to be talking and laughing and really getting along with her colleagues. It's really only been like the last month or two that she's been telling me how things suddenly started to change. Apparently there was one incident where she came against one of her "queen bee" coworkers and that's when everything just started coming down. She's been light on the details, but she allegedly tried to stick up for another coworker that was the focus of drama and I guess she sort of inherited that position afterwards.

 

One of the things I like about her is how she really hasn't been that stereotypical "girly girl" who tries to play hard to get or who lives off drama and gossip and attention. She's been straightforward and relaxed with me and we kind of hit that "sweat pants and messy rooms" comfort level real quickly. I don't know, I guess those same qualities that make her unique in a relationship don't gel with the way those stereotypical "gossip girl" women like to act. [I know I'm generalizing a lot with these stereotypes and I don't mean to offend, but this is based off of my own dating history and a lot of the girls I remember from HS/college/post-school]

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monkeypower    656
1 hour ago, Arts11 said:

The part about her not exactly gelling with her coworkers is sort of a yellow flag for me because I can't tell if it's the situation or something related to her. It's weird because when I first met her at a networking event, she seemed to be talking and laughing and really getting along with her colleagues. It's really only been like the last month or two that she's been telling me how things suddenly started to change. Apparently there was one incident where she came against one of her "queen bee" coworkers and that's when everything just started coming down. She's been light on the details, but she allegedly tried to stick up for another coworker that was the focus of drama and I guess she sort of inherited that position afterwards.

 

That's sort of what I was getting at with a yellow flag.

 

"Hey, maybe our building shouldn't be powered by orphan children running on giant hamster wheels hooked up to generators" or is it like she goes to all meetings with the purpose of inventing devil's advocate positions.

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