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Ben5    194

You like her. You like the way she acts with you. You like being with her.

 

Screw everyone else. They can get over it.

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JTernup    113

I'm in kind of a weird place and maybe some of you can help. My long-term GF (7 1/2 years) and I recently split (On St. Patrick's Day) and I'm feeling great. We were together for long enough and it happened recently and rough enough that I almost feel strange for feeling so good.

 

I'm from CO but have been living in IN since new years for Grad school. I don't know all that many people (yet) but those who I do know I would not be interested in. I feel like I should get back out there but my mind is telling me it's too soon. Even if I were to 'get out there' It feels so odd, I'm not interested in doing the college undergrad stuff or being in a relationship with an undergrad (or really even a grad student) but I also feel the need to get back into it B) for lack of a better term. 

 

Basically this is uncharted waters for my personal, professional and now dating life and I don't know exactly how to navigate that last part just yet. Has anyone been in a similar position?

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lopernv    297

I feel like you left out one of the most important parts of this situation... how recent is "recent"?

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JTernup    113
2 hours ago, lopernv said:

I feel like you left out one of the most important parts of this situation... how recent is "recent"?

I updated my post but this Friday will be the two week mark.

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Bucfan56    3,590

Depends on what you're using it for. I had a lot of fun with Tinder back when I used it. 

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CS85    5,113

Met my current girlfriend through Tinder and even though it, like any other dating or "meet people" app, is sketchy and full of people who are totally mixed up, you have to decide if it's for you or not.  Like most of life, it is what you make it.

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LMU    3,000

Besides, if you're on Tinder with religious objections to one nighters you're wasting your and everyone else's time.

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Still MIGHTY    1,817

Also met my girlfriend of a year and a half through Tinder. Like CS85 said, there's a lot of garbage to sift through, and depending on what you're looking for, it's easier than a lot of other things.

 

59 minutes ago, LMU said:

Besides, if you're on Tinder with religious objections to one nighters you're wasting your and everyone else's time.

 

Also this. Probably one of the most frustrating part when I started with the app. 2/3 of the profiles say "not here for hookups" when Tinder was almost exclusively for hookups.

 

Then again, my girlfriend and I didn't start out with hookups. (Quite the frustrating courtship process, lol, but we persevered ;) )

 

But yeah, there's many online options (Tinder, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, etc) and it's all whatever you want to make of it. Plus I know you're young, nascar. Just ask people out on dates. You don't have to find your soulmate on the first go. You don't know what's out there unless you try.

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mr.nascar13    653

Main reason I got Tinder was because a couple friends convinced me to get it and actually have been asking to create one for me for a while, so I guess peer pressure wins this round. 

 

Part of me downloaded it just to get it, but the other part of me still thinks there's a sliver of potential with it. I think it may be better if I were living in a larger area like Columbus. However, I'm anywhere between an hour to three hours away from Columbus (depends on where I use it), and about an hour from Athens. 

 

When I use it at home, I either get people from Athens (a little far for me) or people I went to high school with, which makes it a little awkward.

 

At school (New Concord, OH), I see people from as far as Akron, Columbus, Athens, Kent, etc. It doesn't seem to matter if I change my location settings either. I've swiped right on a couple people from school but nothing yet. Given, I've only had it for less than a week, so there's that too. 

 

There is this one girl I WOULD ask out who I mentioned briefly last time I was in this thread, but we know each other a little too well and I know she, uh, gets around pretty well. I kissed her a couple weeks ago (long story) but it didn't mean anything to either of us. She's one of the two who convinced me to get the app, but as I said, we know each other a little too well. 

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Arts11    18

So things just ended with the woman I've been going out with for the last several months. It was actually pretty amicable. Definitely ended better than my last relationship. I think the writing had been on the wall for a bit now, so that made things easier. We just wanted very different things. I mean, we just discussed things calmly and rationally and realized it just wasn't going to work long term and there wasn't much reason to continue on together, even though we still got along. I don't know, never really felt this "okay" with the end of a relationship, so it's sort of puzzling to me (I'm sure it'll start sinking in in the upcoming days, but at the same time, I feel like I had already been bracing for it for awhile now). I guess things just met a natural conclusion. I'm actually excited to get back out there and meet new people again and try to actually get in a relationship with long term prospects.

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CS85    5,113
On 5/3/2017 at 10:44 PM, Arts11 said:

So things just ended with the woman I've been going out with for the last several months. It was actually pretty amicable. Definitely ended better than my last relationship. I think the writing had been on the wall for a bit now, so that made things easier. We just wanted very different things. I mean, we just discussed things calmly and rationally and realized it just wasn't going to work long term and there wasn't much reason to continue on together, even though we still got along. I don't know, never really felt this "okay" with the end of a relationship, so it's sort of puzzling to me (I'm sure it'll start sinking in in the upcoming days, but at the same time, I feel like I had already been bracing for it for awhile now). I guess things just met a natural conclusion. I'm actually excited to get back out there and meet new people again and try to actually get in a relationship with long term prospects.

 

It's okay when relationships end on good terms.  It doesn't happen often, but it's healthy when it does.  My latest ex and I had kind of a dismal breakup but it wasn't angry or contentious.  Sometimes it just kinda...ends.  And that's okay.  We've texted from time to time, but it's very sparing and mostly of a, "you doing okay?" nature.  We're both with new people now and happier, but it's not a waste to tell somebody that used to be special to you and are still on okay terms with that they didn't lose a friend. 


There are times when it's extremely patronizing and insulting when a significant other breaks up with you and expects there to be a friendship between you two, don't get me wrong, but that's kind of up to you.  

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Arts11    18
On 5/5/2017 at 0:29 PM, CS85 said:

 

It's okay when relationships end on good terms.  It doesn't happen often, but it's healthy when it does.  My latest ex and I had kind of a dismal breakup but it wasn't angry or contentious.  Sometimes it just kinda...ends.  And that's okay.  We've texted from time to time, but it's very sparing and mostly of a, "you doing okay?" nature.  We're both with new people now and happier, but it's not a waste to tell somebody that used to be special to you and are still on okay terms with that they didn't lose a friend. 


There are times when it's extremely patronizing and insulting when a significant other breaks up with you and expects there to be a friendship between you two, don't get me wrong, but that's kind of up to you.  

 

Even though we broke up, we're still texting each other some. Pretty superficial topics. Mostly stuff like, "what'd you eat for lunch? how was that movie? Etc." 

 

That being said, I've kinda been talking to this new girl. Well actually, I knew her as a friend of a friend from before this last relationship, but we were never really close. She's quite a bit different personality-wise, but there's something about her. It may just be because she's a new mystery to me so it's kinda exciting/fresh, but we've got similar backgrounds, jobs, and I've learned we've got a couple surprising shared interests.

 

Either way, I'm debating whether or not to actually test the waters right now. From what I've been told by our mutual friends, she can be a little clingy (think: always a bridesmaid, never a bride). Plus I'm changing jobs soon and I'll have stuff to prepare for that transition, so the timing's not great right now. Still, I kinda want to see what happens and if nothing develops, itll help me get it out of my system now so I can focus on the other stuff.

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MCM0313    766
On 4/14/2017 at 3:47 PM, mr.nascar13 said:

Main reason I got Tinder was because a couple friends convinced me to get it and actually have been asking to create one for me for a while, so I guess peer pressure wins this round. 

 

Part of me downloaded it just to get it, but the other part of me still thinks there's a sliver of potential with it. I think it may be better if I were living in a larger area like Columbus. However, I'm anywhere between an hour to three hours away from Columbus (depends on where I use it), and about an hour from Athens. 

 

When I use it at home, I either get people from Athens (a little far for me) or people I went to high school with, which makes it a little awkward.

 

At school (New Concord, OH), I see people from as far as Akron, Columbus, Athens, Kent, etc. It doesn't seem to matter if I change my location settings either. I've swiped right on a couple people from school but nothing yet. Given, I've only had it for less than a week, so there's that too. 

 

There is this one girl I WOULD ask out who I mentioned briefly last time I was in this thread, but we know each other a little too well and I know she, uh, gets around pretty well. I kissed her a couple weeks ago (long story) but it didn't mean anything to either of us. She's one of the two who convinced me to get the app, but as I said, we know each other a little too well. 

I had Tinder. Swiped right a bunch of times but got very few matches and those I did match with usually wouldn't talk. I'm not into hookups either so, whatever. Right now there are a couple ladies in my hometown that I'm trying to get the 411 on, but I'm going old-fashioned and asking mutual acquaintances to help me out. We'll see how it goes.

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CS85    5,113

Time for an update on the "Always on the Hunt For a Future Ex-Mrs. CS85" / AKA Andy's Romantic Trainwrecks segway that keeps steadily zooming along toward inevitable heart decay:

 

So as some of you may or may not have noticed, depending on if you notice board patterns at all, is that I've been insanely quiet around here for a few months.  That's a quality symptom of indicating that I'm in a relationship, as often I have so little time for anything else that I rarely find time to post.  Since February I was dating a wonderful girl with two children, and as of yesterday we are no longer together.  I was near elation when she finally said that we should break up, and I hope you use my story here as a cautionary tale.

 

The first 2-3 months of our relationship was awesome.  She had a great, twisted sense of humor and was always looking for a reason to laugh, smile, and be warm to me.  It took awhile before I was able to meet her kids, which is very sensible, and when I did, I found out I really dug them.  There was definitely a learning curve, and this wasn't my first time dating somebody with children, but despite a few minor bumps in the road, I ended up truly caring about them and wanted to be as good of a dad figure as possible for them.  I read them bedtime stories, wrestled with them pretending I was a bad guy they had to take down, gave them hugs when there were tantrums, and tried to show them tiny life lessons as they showed up.

 

However, as my relationship with them developed, her relationship with me got worse and worse, namely because she went off of her birth control and more importantly stopped taking her medication for her depression.  To be fair, one was causing her to have lots of issues with her digestion, the other was making her hair fall out, so I didn't argue.  That said, she didn't go back to her doctors (to my knowledge) to find another solution.  Her moods became almost instantly worse, and she was essentially exhausted and uninterested in virtually anything for many weeks.  We had one fun time together in 3 months, and never once had sex in that span.  Sex isn't everything, obviously, but to be candid I am a 32-year old man who enjoys sex quite a bit, and require a partner to at least make an effort.  That was apparently too much to ask for.  


We communicated about these things sparingly, as she was never one to want to discuss relationship stuff very much, and when there were dips we'd often have a brief talk and things would return to a gentle accommodation where I felt we could both be happy-ish.  That's no way to be. 

 

This summer has been extraordinarily hectic, and between changes to my job (in a positive way), family vacations, and preparing to move, the rest of my precious free time was split between being with her and the kids, spending time with my friend/roommate, and honestly just playing some goddamn video games to unwind and get some me-time.  

 

I had a blog that I was doing a lot of writing with that I really enjoyed - I've made one mediocre post in 6 months.

My Bears forum needed some design work done.  It took me almost a month to finally get a design done that I was happy with.

Stories I had started for possible books I would write needed time and love - I had none to give.

Time and energy to keep up going to the gym?  Not anymore.  I gained some weight and feel weak and crappy.

 

That said, I STILL tried to make it work.  I drew a portrait of her that took me hours of my limited available time, and she kind of gave it an "oh neat" response.  I bought us tickets to go to a baseball game and see a concert, even discussed going on a trip to a beach.  Those were met with "oh neat."  

 

My oldest friend and a guy who is like a brother to me got married on Saturday and she was supposed to come.  I was hoping with my whole heart that she wouldn't be there.  To my delight, she didn't show.  My friends asked why she wasn't there, and I responded with "who cares," wearing a smile on my face.  Yesterday we facetimed and both agreed the relationship should end.  

 

We both agreed we had very little in common, and things had changed (on her end, but I wasn't going to just come out and say that).  After our call I felt so damn good.  I felt free.  I have time for stuff again!  I can do things I want to do!  Things that make me happy!  Things that provide a two-way flow of pleasure and creativity!  What a concept.

 

That said I am going to really, really miss one of her kids, a 4-year old who absolutely got me wrapped around his little finger.  I never knew I could care about somebody that much, but my heart hurts for him, and that I won't be able to be a dad figure to him or even his admittedly-not-awesome brother.  Hopefully she finds somebody who isn't an abusive lowlife, but that doesn't seem to be the trend besides yours truly.

 

Anyway, just wanted to get some of that off of my chest, and to say that it's good to be back among the unshackled.  

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Cosmic    2,477
10 hours ago, CS85 said:

and more importantly stopped taking her medication for her depression.  To be fair, one was causing her to have lots of issues with her digestion, the other was making her hair fall out, so I didn't argue.  That said, she didn't go back to her doctors (to my knowledge) to find another solution.  Her moods became almost instantly worse, and she was essentially exhausted and uninterested in virtually anything for many weeks.

This part certainly hits home for me right now. My wife decided to stop taking her Prozac a few months ago. Everything was fairly normal, up until about a few weeks ago. Huge panic attacks, crying fits, etc. over stupid crap. I didn't argue when she wanted to stop taking it, because I know it flattens out your highs as well as your lows, and I think it's preferable if you can manage without having your brain chemically altered. Did she go off of it for those reasons, though? No. It was because of her f---ing hair. I didn't even notice it was thinning, but she was convinced it was bad. The anxiety kind of amped up over the past couple of months. First, she was worrying over dumb stuff, but not obsessing. Gradually, it got worse, and I've spent my days answering the same two or three questions a thousand times twelve different ways. This past week was bad enough to convince her she needs to be back on her meds. It's not a long-term problem... we'll be fine, but it has been a crappy ride lately. And when I suggested trying therapy for at least a couple of sessions when she was still resistant to going back on medication? Wouldn't even consider it. smh

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CS85    5,113
13 hours ago, Cosmic said:

This part certainly hits home for me right now. My wife decided to stop taking her Prozac a few months ago. Everything was fairly normal, up until about a few weeks ago. Huge panic attacks, crying fits, etc. over stupid crap. I didn't argue when she wanted to stop taking it, because I know it flattens out your highs as well as your lows, and I think it's preferable if you can manage without having your brain chemically altered. Did she go off of it for those reasons, though? No. It was because of her f---ing hair. I didn't even notice it was thinning, but she was convinced it was bad. The anxiety kind of amped up over the past couple of months. First, she was worrying over dumb stuff, but not obsessing. Gradually, it got worse, and I've spent my days answering the same two or three questions a thousand times twelve different ways. This past week was bad enough to convince her she needs to be back on her meds. It's not a long-term problem... we'll be fine, but it has been a crappy ride lately. And when I suggested trying therapy for at least a couple of sessions when she was still resistant to going back on medication? Wouldn't even consider it. smh

 

That's horse :censored: .  I get the hair falling out - no woman ever wants to deal with that, but to shrug off therapy in addition to medication is reckless.  Honestly I've been on anti-anxiety medication for a few months now and without it I can feel the bad moods settling in so much easier.  I can't imagine what it's like for people on more powerful medications in higher doses.  That can't simply stop.

 

Therapy is helpful for some, not so much for others, but to not even make an attempt is asinine.  

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ninersdd    344

Well I can say that I have to confess something. I have always had trouble talking to new people, let alone girls(I only have 1 friend that I talk to nowadays). I was diagnosed with autism a couple of years ago, so it made sense that I had issues with that. I am more comfortable usually talking with older guys(like my dads friends in my fantasy league).

Something weird though happened at my family reunion at Tahoe a couple of weeks ago. I'm probably the only one over 18 who hasn't brought a significant other to it(which I haven't cared about). I usually just talk with a few certain people(mostly about sports like the Giants and Warriors, etc). So during our goofy 10 v 10 beach volleyball game(which is silly as it sounds), one of my cousins girlfriends(who I hadn't even met or talked to) randomly smiled at me. I of course didn't think much of it, but then afterward she shook my hand and introduced herself, which again I didn't think much of.   That night, I went to the casino, and was joined by some people, including those 2. After I was done playing she again shook my hand to meet me. She was from Washington, but currently lives in Phoenix. I asked "Are you a Seahawks fan?", to she said she isn't really into sports, but would claim them as her favorite team.(I said I like the Niners and the Cardinals are my #2 team). I also said I have family from Tucson and love the Wildcats. What was weird is after that the conversation continued and I seemingly had very little issues talking to her(about several topics). She paid more attention to me then her boyfriend playing blackjack. She touched my shoulder/arm a few times. Oddly enough I was barely sweating and even shared some personal things with her. I admitted that I don't really have many friends and it was weird for me to be talking to her, to which she thought that I was doing a great job. She had said she enjoyed talking with me when I had to leave the next day. I realized that I actually like her and would like to maybe see her again, but obviously I'm well aware that she's taken(and she doesn't live near me). It just made no sense that she was actually interested in talking to me initially and that I wasn't nervous at all in talking to her.

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BeerGuyJordan    840

@ninersdd

 

Since you said, yourself, that you have a hard time making friends, maybe reach out, via social media. Just reiterate that you enjoyed the conversation, and thank her for breaking the ice.

 

That's it. Don't send any sort of friend request, don't mention any potential interest, on your part. This puts the ball in her court to reach back out. Maybe nothing comes of it, maybe you get some valuable social interaction, with the opposite sex. It could develop into a friendship, or maybe more. Don't get your hopes up, but you never know.

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ninersdd    344
21 hours ago, BeerGuyJordan said:

@ninersdd

 

Since you said, yourself, that you have a hard time making friends, maybe reach out, via social media. Just reiterate that you enjoyed the conversation, and thank her for breaking the ice.

 

That's it. Don't send any sort of friend request, don't mention any potential interest, on your part. This puts the ball in her court to reach back out. Maybe nothing comes of it, maybe you get some valuable social interaction, with the opposite sex. It could develop into a friendship, or maybe more. Don't get your hopes up, but you never know.

Thanks for the advice. Since she is going out with my cousin, I couldn't bring myself to ask for contact info, etc(I know her first name and where she lives, that's it) and I don't even want to even remotely hurt anyone. It feels like uncharted waters for me thinking about someone.  It just seemed so weird how she had showed an interest in me initially(didn't really bring any attention to myself) and how smoothly the conversation went. It seemed like I was slowly blocking out outside distractions the more I talked to her. I did want to maybe take her to another room and talk to her one on one, but I just couldn't do that(again I didn't want to hurt anyone). 

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