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Lee.

Let's redo rap lyrics as though they were written in Victorian English

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'Twas the year of our lord nineteen hundred and eighty nine in the pleasant season of summer time

The sounds of rhythmic tapping filled the air

Music was filling our hearts and 'twas pleasing to our spirit

(Take heed my brother and sister)

It surely behooves you to listen lest you miss the merriment

Dare not look elsewhere as I regale you with my tale

For the story I tell is indeed your own story too

Indeed there is knowledge I have parsed and I desire to share it

The heat does surely affect the fellows of the ensemble

Prudence would suggest that we receive that which we desire

Prudence would also suggest that we deserve that which we require

For our ability to express ourselves will assuredly result in our undoing

Dare I say it but we must rise up against our oppressors.

Might I ask you to join me in this refrain?

We must take action and rise against our oppressors.

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This is some funny :censored: . I bet it would be even funnier if I knew any of the actual lyrics.

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"I have access to promiscuous females in different geographic locations..."

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This is some funny :censored: . I bet it would be even funnier if I knew any of the actual lyrics.

If I may please have the attention of any young females who may be currently acquainting these hallowed halls; I would like you all to know that although I am a denizen of another city, my intentions are certainly all above-board. Should you care to get to know me, you'll find that I am indeed a gentleman of character and many subtleties. Though Cricket is my game of choice, I am certain that I could strike a base-ball with the best athletes that Japan could possibly muster.

Hey ladies in the place, I'm calling out to you

There never was a city kid truer and bluer

There's more to me than you'll ever know

And I got more hits than Sadaharu Oh

--Beastie Boys, Hey Ladies

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This is some funny :censored: . I bet it would be even funnier if I knew any of the actual lyrics.

'Twas the year of our lord nineteen hundred and eighty nine in the pleasant season of summer time

The sounds of rhythmic tapping filled the air

Music was filling our hearts and 'twas pleasing to our spirit

(Take heed my brother and sister)

It surely behooves you to listen lest you miss the merriment

Dare not look elsewhere as I regale you with my tale

For the story I tell is indeed your own story too

Indeed there is knowledge I have parsed and I desire to share it

The heat does surely affect the fellows of the ensemble

Prudence would suggest that we receive that which we desire

Prudence would also suggest that we deserve that which we require

For our ability to express ourselves will assuredly result in our undoing

Dare I say it but we must rise up against our oppressors.

Might I ask you to join me in this refrain?

We must take action and rise against our oppressors.

1989 the number another summer (get down)

Sound of the funky drummer

Music hittin' your heart cause I know you got soul

(Brothers and sisters hey)

Listen if you're missin' y'all

Swingin' while I'm singin'

Givin' whatcha gettin'

Knowin' what I know

While the Black bands sweatin'

And the rhythm rhymes rollin'

Got to give us what we want

Gotta give us what we need

Our freedom of speech is freedom or death

We got to fight the powers that be

Lemme hear you say

Fight the power

Fight the Power - Public Enemy

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To my disdain, it appears fisticuffs are afoot

Be warned, sir - I possess an effective left hook

Remove yourself 3-paces, and be on your guard

I sense a befouled stirring presently, causing much unrest

With double efforts I have consumed much brandy

As dark thoughts of peppering your bodice with a thrashing

Perhaps a crushing blow upon your dimpled brow

Should henchmen of your affiliament attempt to intervene, death shall be dealt

Sending much dismay and unpleasantry asunder

You are not bamboozled, sir - my fellows and I are reposed in the thoroughfair

So farewell to ladies and gentlefellows of ill repute

Do you find your hindquarters labeled? no sir, this is myth

My carraige hastens me at great speed across the boardwalk

If your horses trot less briskly, see to their removal from my path

Being as that I am thoroughly intoxicated while helming my carriage

And you will find to your displeasure that my carriage is nearly upon you

Flee, impudent ruffian, make haste to another location briskly!

Move, B*tch by Ludacris

OH NO! The fight's out

I'm about to punch yo lights out

Get the :censored: back, guard ya grill

There's somethin' wrong, we can't stay still

I've been drankin' and bustin' two

and I been thinkin' of bustin' you

Upside ya mother:censored:in' forehead

And if your friends jump in, they'll be mo' dead

Causin' confusion, disturbin Tha Peace

It's not an illusion, we runnin the streets

So bye-bye to all you groupies and golddiggers

Is there a bumper on your ass? NO N*GGA!

I'm doin' a hundred on the highway

So if you do the speed limit, get the :censored: outta my way

I'm D.U.I., hardly ever caught sober

and you about to get ran the :censored: over

Move, b*tch, get out the way!

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I have retained my station for many years now, so please do not look upon me as though I am an upstart nor as though I have recently regained my position. Several of you would look upon me terrified by the possibility of my bodkin making a sudden disappearance. This soothing music you hear are as refreshing as a summer drizzle, though its lower tones may remind you of a sudden storm, destroying and overtaking you. I shall not concede my higher ground to usurpers; instead I shall make waste of their own fortresses, causing them such inconvenience as to alert the authorities.

Mama Said Knock You Out- LL Cool J

Don't call it a comeback

I been here for years

Rockin my peers and puttin suckas in fear

Makin the tears rain down like a MON-soon

Listen to the bass go BOOM

Explosion, overpowerin

Over the competition, I'm towerin

Wreckin shop, when I drop these lyrics that'll make you call the cops

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For some reason, this part of Warren G's "Regulators" came into my mind:

Ten and six bullets loaded, there is one in the barrel

Nathaniel Dogg was forced to extinguish the life fires of some

They now plummet and vociferate

The time has now passed

Nathaniel Dogg and Warren Griffin the Third had to administrate.

Original Lyrics:

Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole

Nate Dogg had to make some bodies go cold

Now they droppin' and yellin'

It's a tad bit late

Nate Dogg and Warren G had to regulate.

And then I had to do this (thinking of the "Aquire Currency, Disregard Females" avatar I've often seen), and yea, it keeps the context of the rap song, but to me, it sounds funny. I dare anyone to vocalize this one out, though:

Beastie Boys' "Super Disco Breakin'":

Currency Aquiring, Currency, Currency, Aquiring!! (New Amsterdam!)

Keen Cabaret, Cabaret, transpiring!!

Original Lyrics:

Money makin, money, money, makin, (Manhattan!)

Super disco, disco, brakin'!!

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Per chance, I shall unfurl cannonfire upon your carriage

Disposing of any villians therein with much ease

For as of late, ill-humored scoundrels have suddenly muted previously flippant dialogue

Thusly I dictate my whims

Maintain my personal well-being

And smoke lush tobacco with only the most devout of faithful sophisticates

I am bearing a musket betwixt my vest and cloak, if you sir are of equal means - produce your valor

Such capers of ungentlemanly conduct are likely of Brooklyn, of which we monitor with all zeal

Hypnotize by the Notorious B.I.G.

Dare I squeeze three at your cherry M-3

Bang every MC easily, busily

Recently n*ggas fronting ain't saying nothing

So I just speak my piece

Keep my piece

Cubans with the Jesus piece with my peeps

Packing, asking who want it, you got it n*gga flaunt it

That Brooklyn bull:censored:, we're on it

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I choose not to have any companions or associates...

However, this does indeed explain why I engaged in fornication with your woman, you corpulent, rotund fellow.

Firstly, a pox upon your woman and the kingdom you represent

When I ride, it is the Westside that I represent, and I come thoroughly prepared with game

You have weaved many a tale about your relations with numerous amounts of women, meanwhile I have had relations with your wife

We attack your kingdom of "Bad Boys," making light of your creed of "For Life."

Additionally, your compatriot Puffy tried to meet me at said point of attack, but I responded by riving out his heart

Biggie Smalls and the Junior Mafia are elementary opposition.

"I ain't got no motherf-ckin friends...

That's why I f-cked your bitch, you fat motherf-cker.

First off, f-ck your bitch and the clique you claim

Westside when we ride, come equipped with game

You claim to be a player, but I f-cked your wife

We bust on Bad Boys, n---a f-ck for life

Plus, Puffy can't see me, weak hearts I rip

Biggie Smalls & Junior MAFIA some mark ass bitches.

- Tupac, "Hit Em Up"

--------------------------------

As I arise from my nightly slumber, I must give thanks to the almighty God

I am not entirely sure, but today seems that it may be somewhat out of the ordinary

The dog has silenced his barking, the air is particularly clear

Also, my mother has removed the pork from this morning's breakfast.

I consumed the morning feast, but not to the point of gluttony

I also received parchment from the fair lady with whome I have been intending to fornicate with for quite some time

I set out date for dusk as I exited my domicile

While pondering my chances of survival past today.

- Ice Cube, "It Was a Good Day"

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Verily! Cease those activities of which you currently partake and take heed of what I am about to say

I, Vanilla Ice, have returned with the latest brainchild to spring forth from my laboratory

There is something that caught me in its mightily powerful grip

My rhyming skills are streamlined like a whaling instrument cutting through the ocean's depths, both when the sun is high above and when it has tucked itself behind the horizon of the western skies

Will said skills ever cease to be so powerful over the course of my lifetime? Surely it is not for me to judge

However, if one were to extinguish all the candles in a given room, an eerie luminescence would emanate from my body

To the farthest reaches, I display my rhyming skills through an electret condenser microphone in the manner of a common street urchin

Said skills are so vast that they are known to illuminate entire theatres, as well as laying waste to those who would dare oppose me in much the same manner as an experienced candlemaker makes expedient work of his quota of wicks and beeswax for the day

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when the lord of the house is present

release it as if it were a scalding iron

when the constable is attempting to besmirch your dignity

release it as if it were a scalding iron

if a ruffian approaches your carriage without the courtesy of a gentleman

release it as if it were a scalding iron

I have a fine time-piece dangling from my silken vest, and am drinking high quality spirits

You must also acknowledge my exotic tobacco, as I acquire only things best suiting a scholar of fine taste

Drop it Like It's Hot by Snoop Dogg

When the pimp's in the crib ma

Drop it like it's hot

When the pigs try to get at ya

Park it like it's hot

And if a n*gga get a attitude

Pop it like it's hot

I got the rolley on my arm, and I'm pouring Sean Don

And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on

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when the lord of the house is present

release it as if it were a scalding iron

when the constable is attempting to besmirch your dignity

release it as if it were a scalding iron

if a ruffian approaches your carriage without the courtesy of a gentleman

release it as if it were a scalding iron

I have a fine time-piece dangling from my silken vest, and am drinking high quality spirits

You must also acknowledge my exotic tobacco, as I acquire only things best suiting a scholar of fine taste

-drop it like it's hot, snoop dogg

You, sir, win the thread.

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Not exactly the same, but this thread reminded me of this:

Gin and Juice read as spoken word poetry

(Some lyrics NSFW)

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when the lord of the house is present

release it as if it were a scalding iron

I lost it when I read that. Great post.

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So far this is hilarious. There's some potential here for funniest thread ever.

I'm pressed for time and sure don't claim to be a master at this but at least got a start on Atlanta's own anthem, Usher's Yeah!. Anyone can feel free to finish it.

Aye! by Doorkeeper

Greetings! This town is most popular among stylish ladies and gentlemen!

Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye ayyyye!

Perusing the pub with my compatriots, hoping to court a lady

I refrain from drawing attention, you can commiserate I am certain

I observed a petite female observing me in turn; if whispered niceties indicated familiarity, one would imagine we were acquainted

We agreed to enjoy conviviality

===

Real lyrics:

Peace up! A Town Down!

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Yeah, Yeah! Yeaah!

Up in the club with my homies, tryna get a lil' V-I, but keep it down on the low key, 'cause you know how it is.

I saw shorty she was checkin' up on me, from the game she was spittin' in my ear you would think that she knew me.

So we decided to chill

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I have accumulated four score and nineteen problems, but not amongst them is a female.

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Yea verily, one might desire to verbalize portions of the aforementioned lexicon upon thy Impending Loom. Listen forsooth upon thou internet whence the bell strikes 5 in the Pacific domain, until 8 in the eve. Pointeth thy sundials toward http://www.chly.ca

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Come fellows, we can equally share this frolic

Behest your damsel to a wall, where I shall make much merriment with her pantaloons

While I appear to be isolated in my grief,

I am actually randy with the giddy lust of a prancing stallion

Placing my groin betwixt the layers as per Monee

Preferably a lady of some massive girth

The like that would enjoy a heavyset carraige

Upon which I shall encourage her to gleefully bash upon my groin, as if keeping time with the waltz

Or perhaps in the manner of a feline, making play with a flightless canary

As a gentleman, I prefer the company of a girl of ill repute from an unfortunate upbringing

That sir, is not folly

Back That *ss Up by Juvenile

We can go get it y'all gang split it y'all

Put the b*tch on the wall and I hit it y'all

I'm looking kind of lonely

I'm feeling horny

Put the d*ck in the middle like Monee

Big, thick plumber chick

And a Hummer chick

Beat the d*ck like a mother:censored:ing drummer chick

Cinch that putty-cat look at that

I love a :censored:ing hoody-rat

That's a fact

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I am aroused by large derrières, and unable to conceal this truth

Each of my fellow African-American males knows securely in his bosom

That on the occasion in which a woman enters the room carrying an abnormally petite abdomen

Whist simultaneously exposing her spherical object in such a position that it obstructs one's line of vision

His member abruptly compiles, and he desires to exhibit audacious, conspicuous behavior

Due to the fact that her posterior is so ample as to seem artificial

Far into the depths of her azure trousers

By which I am captivated and curiously powerless in diverting my glare from

Oh fair woman, how I long to be your companion

And visually preserve your mesmerizing figure

My dearest acquaintances have cautioned me from doing so

However, your hindquarters has rendered me concupiscent enough to continue

Rear end, so level and unwrinkled

Did you mention that you covet an excursion in my Mercedes?

I hereby give you permission to do as you wish with me and my possessions

Because I view you as more than a run-of-the-mill clinger of men

Mine eyes have witnessed dames of this litter promenade to music

O, cursèd is fornication!

Damp sudor has accumulated quite thickly

So rampant is her perspiration that I liken it to the speed of a traveling rickshaw

Exhausted I am of prattling newsletters

Insinuating that compact fundaments are fashionable

Gather a commonplace negro and question him this

He shall concur with his shared preference of more substantial fanny

Subsequently, colleagues! (To what do I owe you, sir?) Associates! (At your service!)

Is it or is it not accurate that your significant other possesses the desirable tailpiece? (Absolutely!)

Command that she brandish it! (Brandish it!) Oscillate it! (Oscillate it!)

Flutter that staunch prat!

Baby got back.

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