Lee.

I may never go back to tomato based chili again.

I bet Stephen King wrote "Under The Dome" after spending like an hour at the Phoenix airport.

i like my yogurt like i like my sex. Greek.

cat might be pregnant. I'm too young to be a grandfather

RIP Stompin' Tom

I mean, I like Archer, Legit, Bob's and Community.....and that's about it.

It takes a village to charge a toilet.

I was gonna make a tweet about Macklemore ripping off the Tragically Hip until I remembered their song was "Gift Shop." Carry on.

It was nice of clearly contacts to send my glasses in this handy penis warmer. http://t.co/iA18KMp74O

Tasty little sucker. strong, malty.. — Drinking a Faxe Royal Strong by Royal Unibrew — http://t.co/eA8pqPRPQh

Hey nerds: are the Marvel animated movies as good as the DC ones?

"@FoxMe: Still looking for a place to stay during #SXSW. If you know of ... a spare couch or room, give me a holler// ATTN @causticchick

I miss my phone. Warranty better cover it.

Just four more months until http://t.co/hQSh6oEUoB arena becomes Arizona's Hardest To Get To Indoor Flea Market!

"@604Heather: I would #drunktweet but I fell asleep after one glass of wine. :(" and by glass she means super gulp cup

Hey Act II popcorn, you guys really gotta pull up your socks. Redenbacher is killing you quality wise.

Behold: THE ONE TRUE CHILI and my dirty stovetop http://t.co/YL2taM6Ofh

"@hockeynight: Two quick goals from the #Caps have made this a 3-0 game! What are you thinking, #Jets fans? #hockeynight" I'm thinking .

And he calls Wonder Woman "Watermelon" always has

Watching Looney Tunes with the clone. He likes the same cartoons as I did when I was a kid. #Bringonfearlessfreep

"@jocethetip: I don't really think you're all :censored:s, bee tee dubs." Just me. That's cool.

Baraka Bama #mortalkombatforpresident

.@KidAgency67408 no

The human body is basically just a potato clock.

Hey @Netflix_CA when do we get to start watching Disney titles?