In any sport at any level, what would you be? Would you choose to be a superstar or a role guy? What position? What city? Give as many or as few details as you’d like. Here it goes:
I’m the baddest closer in baseball, preferably for the St. Louis Cardinals, but I’d play anywhere. I’ve got a flaming fastball that regularly touches triple digits and a nasty cutter that is damn near unhittable. You could describe my pitching style as violent. I wear #50. Of course I have a mullet that’s a little thin up top, but who cares, sideburns and a sweet ‘stache and I’m always dripping with sweat. I wear my jersey a little baggy with tall stirrups because the Cardinals socks are :censored:ing sweet. When I come into the game, everyone knows it’s OVER.
Its game 7 of the World Series and we’re winning 3-2 in the top of the 8th, the starter is in trouble with runners on 2nd and third with one out. The manager walks to the mound and calls for the right hander. I walk out of the bullpen at Busch Stadium-walk not run- Stranglehold is blaring from the stadium speakers and the standing room crowd is going absolutely insane. The noise is deafening. Of course I strike out the side and we go to the bottom of the 8th and the house is shaking. We get a runner on with one out but the next batter hits into a double play. Now it’s the top of the 9th and this is what I get paid for. Everyone knows the game is pretty much in the bag, you can feel the air in the stadium buzzing with electricity. The Angels have the meat of their order up to bat 2, 3, 4. The first batter pops up on the first pitch-a high fastball-one out. Second batter, a leftie, battles, running the count full after fouling off a couple hard fastballs. He strikes out looking on a cutter that cuts him off at the knees. Now there are two outs and the fans are on their feet and the place is rocking. The Angels’ cleanup hitter is the best in the game. He’s the AL home run leader and he has one last chance to keep his team alive. First pitch is a 98 mph fastball low and away, just missed-ball 1. Second pitch is another fastball low and in. This one is a strike looking. 1-1. Third pitch is a fastball that catches a bit too pitch of the plate, but he’s a little late and fouls it off-strike 2. Now the place is REALLY out of control. The catcher calls for a cutter and I shake him off. Fastball it is. I wind up and let it rip. High and out over the plate, but it’s too high for the batter to catch up and he can’t lay off. Swing and a miss. The game’s over. Fireworks are going off, people are screaming and crying and I just wrapped up the Cardinals’ 12th World Series title.
I told this story to my wife last night and I couldn’t tell if she was a little turned on or a little concerned for my mental health. Maybe both.