Playoffs Set

[KennyRock]

Every prediction I make sucks horribly, so I've come up with something I can't possibly fail at!

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE PLAYOFFS:

Seeding:

AFC

1)Miami Dolphins - winner of AFC East

2)Cleveland Browns - winner of AFC North

3)Tennessee Titans - winner of AFC South

4)Oakland Raiders - winner of AFC West

5)Kansas City Chiefs

6)Houston Texans

NFC

1)San Francisco 49ers - winner of NFC West

2)Chicago Bears - winner of NFC North

3)Tampa Bay Buccaneers - winner of NFC South

4)Washington Redskins - winner of NFC East

5)Dallas Cowboys

6)Arizona Cardinals

Wild Card Weekend

AFC

Kansas City at Oakland - Kerry Collins puts on the MVP performance of his life as the Raiders get by their Christmas buddies 35-29.

Houston at Tennessee - Houston's former and current team square off. The only good bad team in the AFC "does their best" against the Titans, winning 17-10.

NFC

Dallas at Washington - The Redskins mock the Cowboys' different shades of blue, but the Cards blast back attacking the Redskins' sock combo. The Redskins change to all-burgundy socks before kickoff, which sparks Bill Parcells to fire his entire team except Vinny Testaverde, paving the way for him to bring in "his guys" next season. Redskins win by forfeit.

Arizona at Tampa Bay - The Buccaneers tease the Cardinals about their outdated uniforms, but then the Cards yell a scathing retort, blasting the Buccanneers ugly color choices. The teams get into a brawl, but the Cards score a lone field goal to win 3-0. As per a pre-game bet, the Bucs must wear all-Florida Orange unis next season.

Divisional Playoffs

AFC

Oakland at Cleveland - In the middle of yet another MVP game, a pair of fans who look mysteriously like Eli Manning and Kurt Warner kidnap Kerry Collins and throw him into a blue van marked "NYG". Without their "star", the Raiders fall to the Browns, who had a brown dog on their helmet for once at the start of the game, but quickly replaced it with the orange helmet during the kidnapping. Cleveland 30, Oakland 14

Houston at Miami - The Dolphins choose to wear "dirty white" alternates in honor of their victory over the Patriots five weeks back. But, the Patriots' look doesn't translate into Patriots' success, as all three Miami QB's retire during the game, leaving the NFL to go smoke the funny trees. The Texans continue their probable march to the finals. Houston 17, Miami 14,

NFC

Washington at Chicago - Clinton Portis rushes for 1,532 yards against the vaunted Bears defense, although most of his runs were for 98 yards from the WAS 1(where the Bears turn over on downs) to the CHI 1, where the Redskins turned over on downs. Still, they score a few times, as the Redskins win 49-20.

Arizona at San Francisco - The 49ers watch tapes of when they were good before the match, and that inspires them. However, inspiration doesn't translate into football talent, as the boring red-and-white Cardinals win yet again, 21-13.

AFC Championship

Hosuton at Cleveland - The Texans show the Browns that it's okay to have a logo on your helmet, as Houston wins a precedented third road game, 17-15(yes, the Browns pull off five field goals).

NFC Championship

Arizona at Washington - The Cardinals and Redskins clash, and I'm only talking about their uniforms! In a real barn-burner(the cows were all confirmed to be uninjured), Clinton Portis rushes for 87 yards right into the field goal post, knocking him out of the game. The Cardinals win yet again, becoming just the second team in these playoffs to win three straight road games.

Superbowl "-XXXIX"

Arizona vs. Houston

The Houston Texans finish their very predictable ride to the playoffs with a blockbuster(they visit one after the game). But during the game, their ability to only score an average of 17 points is tested, as Arizona puts 17 on the board in the first half. However, out of nowehere, they get a 72-yard field goal with -1 seconds left in regulation as the Texans win the SUperbowl over the Cardinals, 20-17. The Cards get a nice compensation prize, and will have updated unis with navy next season. Arizona traditionalists die of heart attacks at the announcement.

EDIT: On a side note, how sad is the NFC that the Giants don't even make it in to the loser playoffs?

[EagleFan344]

"Atlanta doesn't have a QB"

"Atlanta can't beat Green Bay in the playoffs"

"Atlanta's D is worse than Philly's"

"Atlanta's WRs are worse than Philly's even without TO"

These are the four most absurd things I have heard on this board since 'someone' got suspended.

The Falcons QB has issues. Fumbles, INTs, thowing under or over occationally. I agree. But one problem that he DOESNT have is knowing how to win. Game on the line, few minutes left, he makes excellent passes, insane runs, and gets the score, gets the job done. The team has an overwhelming winning record when he's in the game. Thats all that matters for a QB - Make the team win, and Vick does that. Period.

Atlanta HAS beat GB in the playoffs. AT GB!! This is absurd. Atlanta will beat GB at the dome more easily than they beat them outside before. GB just simply isnt that good this year. Their D is horrible, their receiving corp starts and ends with Walker. And Bret is making bad decisions this year. They will be lucky to beat the Vikes.. no chance against Atlanta.

Atlantas D is one of the best in the entire league. You wanna 'except' games? Take out the ONE game at KC and Atlanta has the best statistical D. They WON a game that the O only scored 6 points. Their D plays UP to game situations, and has been their secret to success. The Eagles have had one game that the D stepped it up. Otherwise, they are a strong, but not exceptional Defense. Atlanta's is better.

Philly WRs - TO vs. Atl WRs The Falcons win this comparison hands down. ANY of the Falcons' top 5 WRs could play the #2 on pretty much any other team in the NFL, save Indy. Guaranteed. The Falcons WRs are the deepest of any team. All of those guys run good routes, have good hands, and can handle the lightning that vick shoots out of his arm. The Falcons have a far better TE, too.

Look... my second favorite team is Philly. I have two authentic NFL jerseys.. one is McNabb, the other Vick. If the Falcons can't go to the SB, i want the Eagles. But the Eagles/Falcons game, if played, is going to be very close and tight to the wire. That puts the result in the hands of the playmakers. And personally, i think Vick is the biggest playmaker in football.

It will be exciting and fun to see how it all turns out. Hell. It could be a Rams Broncos SB for all we know!

Hooray!

ANY of the 5 Falcons WRs can be a #2? I admit Philly's recievers minus Owens blow, but the Falcons WRs arent any better. If they are its a slim margin.

[TFoA]

Well at least our receivers will take a hit

[EagleFan344]

Well at least our receivers will take a hit

Our recievers will, just not #87.

[Sec19Row53]

Why is EVERYONE saying Denver doesn't have a shot in hell?

Plummer just tied Elway's record for most the Broncos TD passes, and broke Elway's passing yard single season record. Plummer plays well on turf, and as long as he playes like he's capable of the Denver has a great chance. 

The ONLY thing that will prevent Denver from winning this game would be stupid mistakes. Plummer was sacked less than any other consistant starting QB in the league this year.

Ranked in the top 10 ALL year in total defense.

That's all I have to say.

Well, at least you're not as much of a homer as some other people , but...

Sacks - Favre 12 times for 93 yards; Manning 13 for 101; Plummer 15 for 90. I didn't look at any other QBs, just two that I figured would disprove that "nobody sacked less" statement.

Great - Plummer broke some of Elway's records. The fact that he's capable of playing great has to be offset by the fact that he's equally capable of stinking up the joint (or at least making some bonehead moves). Geez, sounds an awful lot like the guy I'll be rooting for!

[dwertman]

Just wait til next year!  Super Bowl XL Bears 97, Steelers 3

Now is that with the mini Bears and a full-sized Ditka, or will Ditka be mini, too?

LOL Now that was funny