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Jay Mohr's analysis of the NBA All-Star Game


rmackman

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This was rather amusing and I'd say Mr. Mohr hit it right on the head!

Was the NBA All-Star Game on this year? I must have missed it. Maybe it was because there was just too much great television to watch instead of the NBA's mid-winter classic. Like reruns of 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray on the Food Network or that show on Telemundo where the guy dresses up in a bumblebee costume.

For years the NBA All-Star Game has been completely irrelevant. Long ago, fans began tuning out the league's best players playing bad basketball. For too long the stars have embraced an all-offense and no-defense approach, and this is one of the many reasons it has become unwatchable. 

If you disagree with me, then explain why the All-Star Game was shown on TNT, sandwiched between Steven Seagal movies. It's because it stinks. The "events" that lead up to the game stink too. The slam dunk contest is a perennial snore. Even when it is won by New York Knicks rookie Nate Robinson, who at 5-foot-9 is barely tall enough to ride the log flume at your local amusement park.

Apparently there was some controversy in giving the dunk trophy to Lil' Nate. Not because he can fit inside it, but because he didn't deserve it. Mr. Robinson took something like 13 tries to master his dunk. Which may have been the highlight of his career, but hopefully the lowlight of Spud Webb's. Robinson jumped over the top of Webb's head and flushed a tomahawk to get a perfect score of 50 from the judges. At 5-9, the pressure was certainly on Robinson to make the dunk, but what about poor Spud? A sideshow when he played before empty house after empty house in Atlanta, now he's been demoted to the role of spectator with the worst view in the house as Robinson barely cleared his package over Spud en route to the hoop. What if Robinson didn't make it? Yikes!

Why do we celebrate a dunk contest, anyway? Aren't these players paid to make dunks? Isn't the slam dunk contest akin to the NHL having an "open net" contest? I would much rather watch a three-point shootout, and I am sure Spud Webb would also.

After all the concerts and uncontested three-pointers and dunks, the actual "game" was played. What a thrill this must have been to the fans who slapped down hundreds of dollars of hard-earned money to watch Kevin Garnett shoot 1-for-9 and the West and East shoot (with no defense) a whopping 46 and 50 percent, respectively. Where else but in a completely insignificant game can a fan watch Shaquille O'Neal only miss two free throws? On TNT, that's where!   

Only on TNT, shortly after the third showing of Joe Dirt, could a true fan watch men run around in uniforms that looked like something a Latvian immigrant would wear to Sky Bar. Did you get a load of those uniforms? I thought David Stern instituted a dress code this year. It's funny to think that to sit on the bench you must be dressed "business casual," but to play in the All-Star Game you could look like a clown climbing out of a tiny car. 

The NBA needs to spend less time putting together rap concerts at halftime and more time putting together a great game. Maybe the league needs to follow in the footsteps of Major League Baseball and give home court advantage in the NBA Finals to the winning conference. Maybe then the players would guard someone. Maybe then the dunk contest and three-point shootouts would return to what they were intended to be -- entertaining events that precede a basketball classic.

Now what we are forced to watch is something very different. Each year we have to sit through somewhat entertaining events that lead up to a basketball snore. If the league continues to endorse the shoot-first, -second and -third version of the All-Star Game, it will be lucky to have TNT as its network. Maybe next year the All-Star Game could be on Telemundo right after that guy in the bumblebee suit. At least his outfit might prepare us for the uniforms the players will be wearing.

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Jay Mohr should worry about trying to actually be funny. (Remember his show on ESPN?)

That being said, had another person written it, I might agree somewhat. All-Star games are not really necessary. Not in the NFL (certainly), not in MLB or NBA. The NHL isn't dying without one either.

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