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New NHL Uniforms in 2012


capn89

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After minutes of scientific research the NHL and PAULBOK company have designed what will be the echelon of athletic uniforms due out for all teams in the 2012-2013 season.

The uniforms will feature some of the most amazing advancements ever seen, not just in sports, but all mankind. These uniforms, and subsequent changes to the game, will not only make the players faster, safer and more efficient than ever, they will also cure cancer, AIDS and save the world from a Texas-sized asteroid.

Here are the details:

? Players will be fitted with THE most streamlined uniforms ever seen in any sport. To save on the over-burdening weight of fabric nearly 90% of the uniform will be eliminated including back numbers and names.

? All players will be required to have their surnames tattooed in old English.

? Arm numbers will remain but will be affixed by a streamlined armband.

? Large and weighty team logos will be replaced by smaller iron-on crests affixed to the right breast.

? Hockey pants will remain to protect the tailbone and players' manhood but will be affixed with numbers both on the front and back.

? Hockey socks will be eliminated.

? Gloves will be eliminated.

? Players will wear special bowties just to feel special

? Helmets will remain, but only to protect players from "Eric Lindros Syndrome" where-in after getting hit in the head with a pastry you receive a concussion.

Subsequent changes to the game to ensure player safety will be as follows:

? Weighty sticks and pucks will be replaced with pliable foam. Average shot speeds will be reduced from the frightening 90-95 mph to a more enjoyable 5-10 mph. This will not only protect players but will allow the casual fan, flipping through the boondocks channels while scratching his twins, to see and enjoy the game easier than ever before.

? Goalies will be eliminated from the playing surface and will instead be stationed behind the glass directly behind the glass controlling an RC car with a cardboard cutout of a goalie. This will, surely, increase scoring and make the game more exciting.

So, without further drivel, I give you the PAULBOK RAZORZ uniforms!!!

Razorz3.jpg

Razorz4.jpg

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if this was translated in to womens hockey, the WNHL would be the most watched league in the country toppling the NFL.

just a quickie OT, but why don't the games ever feature a Create-a-Player option for female users. i've always wanted to feature female players playing along side male players or an all womens Maple Leafs team.

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if this was translated in to womens hockey, the WNHL would be the most watched league in the country toppling the NFL.

just a quickie OT, but why don't the games ever feature a Create-a-Player option for female users. i've always wanted to feature female players playing along side male players or an all womens Maple Leafs team.

Funny, I think at one point in time they did have a few female face models... or, I might be thinking of that long-dead series NHL HITZ. I've always wondered that myself. Even if you do create a female player, the game is always set up so that the commentator says "he has the puck, he scores." They should really consider adding that type of feature into the game, though. Although the female players would probably get double the ice time and half the annual salary. oooooooh.
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