capn89 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 After minutes of scientific research the NHL and PAULBOK company have designed what will be the echelon of athletic uniforms due out for all teams in the 2012-2013 season.The uniforms will feature some of the most amazing advancements ever seen, not just in sports, but all mankind. These uniforms, and subsequent changes to the game, will not only make the players faster, safer and more efficient than ever, they will also cure cancer, AIDS and save the world from a Texas-sized asteroid.Here are the details:? Players will be fitted with THE most streamlined uniforms ever seen in any sport. To save on the over-burdening weight of fabric nearly 90% of the uniform will be eliminated including back numbers and names.? All players will be required to have their surnames tattooed in old English.? Arm numbers will remain but will be affixed by a streamlined armband.? Large and weighty team logos will be replaced by smaller iron-on crests affixed to the right breast.? Hockey pants will remain to protect the tailbone and players' manhood but will be affixed with numbers both on the front and back.? Hockey socks will be eliminated.? Gloves will be eliminated.? Players will wear special bowties just to feel special? Helmets will remain, but only to protect players from "Eric Lindros Syndrome" where-in after getting hit in the head with a pastry you receive a concussion.Subsequent changes to the game to ensure player safety will be as follows:? Weighty sticks and pucks will be replaced with pliable foam. Average shot speeds will be reduced from the frightening 90-95 mph to a more enjoyable 5-10 mph. This will not only protect players but will allow the casual fan, flipping through the boondocks channels while scratching his twins, to see and enjoy the game easier than ever before.? Goalies will be eliminated from the playing surface and will instead be stationed behind the glass directly behind the glass controlling an RC car with a cardboard cutout of a goalie. This will, surely, increase scoring and make the game more exciting.So, without further drivel, I give you the PAULBOK RAZORZ uniforms!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old School Fool Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamieRose Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 if that's in hockey, what will happen in basketball...... *shudders* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steiny_ramone Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 White pants? That's where I draw the line facespace?http://www.myspace.com/seancalcottmusic http://www.myspace.com/forgottentoys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Am A Flaming Douche Bag Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 lol, always using the Leafs as an example for something bad...lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phenomenal Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 cant wait to see women's hockey... This post has been edited by zer0dotcom on some time in the future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maz Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 tattooed nameplates...nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BB61 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 I like the fact that players try their best to stay in playing shape, their asses still hang conspicuously over their pants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MVP Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Those are streamlined alright... But come on, choose another player, don't disrespect Mogilny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddySicks Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 ? Helmets will remain, but only to protect players from "Eric Lindros" where-in after getting hit in the head with a pastry you receive a concussion. On 11/19/2012 at 7:23 PM, oldschoolvikings said: She’s still half convinced “Chris Creamer” is a porn site.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old School Fool Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 cant wait to see women's hockey...HELLLLLLLL YEAHHHhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coast2CoastAM2006 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 if this was translated in to womens hockey, the WNHL would be the most watched league in the country toppling the NFL. just a quickie OT, but why don't the games ever feature a Create-a-Player option for female users. i've always wanted to feature female players playing along side male players or an all womens Maple Leafs team. Spoilers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capn89 Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 if this was translated in to womens hockey, the WNHL would be the most watched league in the country toppling the NFL. just a quickie OT, but why don't the games ever feature a Create-a-Player option for female users. i've always wanted to feature female players playing along side male players or an all womens Maple Leafs team. Funny, I think at one point in time they did have a few female face models... or, I might be thinking of that long-dead series NHL HITZ. I've always wondered that myself. Even if you do create a female player, the game is always set up so that the commentator says "he has the puck, he scores." They should really consider adding that type of feature into the game, though. Although the female players would probably get double the ice time and half the annual salary. oooooooh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VitaminD Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 There are just some things you can't unsee.*shudders* "Start spreading the news... They're leavin' today... Won't get to be a part of it... In old New York..."In order for the Mets' run of 12 losses in 17 games to mean something, the Phillies still had to win 13 of 17. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BroadwayBlueshirt Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 The bowties are masterstroke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phenomenal Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 or an all womens Maple Leafs team.I see that in real life This post has been edited by zer0dotcom on some time in the future Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coast2CoastAM2006 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 or an all womens Maple Leafs team.I see that in real life mind you that an all womens Maple Leafs team and the Toronto Maple Leafs are not mutually exclusive. Spoilers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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