The World's Most Ridiculous Sports Team Names

[roxfan00]

According to this blog site.

Ridiculous Sports Team Names

[Spearhead]

You know, the wooden shoe has, historically, been a bitch of a weapon. The word "sabotage" comes from sabot, a wooden shoe which was deliberately and maliciously thrown by workers into machinery during labor disputes to destroy machinery.

[Erik121]

I am glad that the Green Bay Packers made that list. That whole franchise/fan base is dumb all together

[Neon_Matrix]

Lame. The Leafs never come first in anything!! How could we lose out to the "Gorlocks"?

[OMMF]

You know, the wooden shoe has, historically, been a bitch of a weapon. The word "sabotage" comes from sabot, a wooden shoe which was deliberately and maliciously thrown by workers into machinery during labor disputes to destroy machinery.

Admit it, you learned that from Star Trek VI.

(Yes, I failed my own nerd check.)

[winghaz]

The guy missed a good one out of North Dakota high school sports history. We once had the Tower City Clams.

It's funny enough to have a team named the Clams. But in North Dakota, to boot?

[Spearhead]

Admit it, you learned that from Star Trek VI.

No, I learned that from an old ex-communist. Did they do an episode of Star Trek on that stuff?

[BBM]

I would have put the South Carolina Game Cocks on the list. I mean... come on.

[Viper]

The guy missed a good one out of North Dakota high school sports history. We once had the Tower City Clams.

It's funny enough to have a team named the Clams. But in North Dakota, to boot?

Speaking of ND high school, don't forget the Devil's Lake Satans. Trying to pluralize a proper name is what made that nickname so goofy. That's like calling a team the Elvis Presleys or the Genghis Khans or something.

Anyway, here are a few more they missed:

Made-up words:

Wisconsin-Eau Claire Blugolds (college)

Madison East Purgolders (WI high school)

St. Louis University Billikens (college)

Toronto Marlies (AHL); I know it's derived from "Marlboros" but their official name is actually "Marlies". Not to mention that it conjures up Bob Marley.

Abstract concepts:

Toronto Rock (NLL); it's supposed to refer to rock music, but obviously it can also be interpreted as an inanimate object

Inanimate objects:

Bakersfield Fog (minor-league hockey, since renamed)

Blooming Prairie (Awesome) Blossoms (MN high school)

Denver Nuggets (NBA)

Moorhead Spuds (MN high school)

New York University Fighting Violets (college)

Omaha Beef (UIF); there has to be a "They're what's for dinner" joke in there somewhere

Non-threatening animals:

Miami Dolphins (NFL)

CD Guadalajara ("Chivas", Mexican soccer) and their US cousins Chivas USA (MLS); "Chivas" is Spanish for "kid goats"

Non-threatening humans:

Penn Quakers (college), named for a pacifist religious sect

Sounds dirty:

Macon Whoopee (ECHL, defunct)

USC (and many other teams called the) Trojans; a condom brand

Saskatchewan Roughriders; another (defunct?) condom brand

Wheeling Nailers (ECHL)

Badly transplanted nicknames:

Los Angeles Lakers (NBA)

Tennessee Oilers (NFL, since renamed)

Utah Jazz (NBA)

Washington Bayhawks (MLL, formerly Baltimore)

Questionable role models:

Oklahoma Sooners (college); named for settlers who snuck into Oklahoma Territory illegally before the federal government officially opened it to settlement. Wouldn't this be like naming a team today in honor of illegal immigrants? Speaking of which...

Unfortunate connotations:

Phoenix Coyotes (NHL); in that part of the country, a "coyote" is slang for a smuggler of illegal immigrants

Teams named for endangered/extinct species:

Bakersfield Condors (formerly the Fog; see above)

Florida Panthers (NHL)

Toronto Raptors (NBA)

Miscellaneous:

Cuba City Cubans (WI high school); I've been to Cuba City, and it doesn't exactly remind me of Havana. And what's their mascot, a guy in a Fidel Castro costume?

Sheffield Wednesday (English soccer); strange name for a team in a sport where most games are played on weekends

Tulsa Golden Hurricane (college); since when do they have hurricanes in freaking Oklahoma?!?

[Armadillo]

I can't believe that nobody's brought up the Rhinelander Hodags from Rhinelander, Wisconsin. Supposedly, a "Hodag" is a mysterious creature that inhabits the northern forests of Wisconsin.

The Minnesotan in me is desperate to make some Wisconsinite jokes, but since my beloved pregnant wife is from Wisconsin, I shall refrain.

[habsfan1]

Saskatchewan Roughriders; another (defunct?) condom brand

I'm going to have to search that one up.

Back on topic.

-I can't believe that as I scrolled down that link, I found a team called the Banana Slugs! Not the Sabres, the UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs. **clap, clap, clap...**

-With teams names like the Hot-Dogs, Syrupmakers, Salsa, and Black C*cks, I understand why the Montgomery Buiscuits were left out.

[Mac the Knife]

Admit it, you learned that from Star Trek VI.

No, I learned that from an old ex-communist. Did they do an episode of Star Trek on that stuff?

Kim Cattrall is an ex-communist?

[BlueSky]

In the Non-Threatening Humans category, they definitely missed the high school from where I lived in Florida:

Something tells me the kid in the mascot suit has been skipping class...perhaps for many years.

For those interested in background, Tarpon Springs has the largest percentage of Greek-Americans in the nation. From Greece they brought the business of sponge-diving (harvesting sponges). For quite a while it had devolved into just a tourist business because sponges were available more cheaply from the Mediterranean area but the industry has rebounded in Tarpon Springs and is once again thriving.

Coincidentally, my daughters' alma mater in Texas is also a contender in this category:

[SmoothieX]

You know, the wooden shoe has, historically, been a bitch of a weapon. The word "sabotage" comes from sabot, a wooden shoe which was deliberately and maliciously thrown by workers into machinery during labor disputes to destroy machinery.

Admit it, you learned that from Star Trek VI.

(Yes, I failed my own nerd check.)

That's where I learned it! Speaking of uniforms, those movie unis were the best ones in the Trek universe. I still have nightmares about the TNG spandex suits.

Made-up words:

Wisconsin-Eau Claire Blugolds (college)

Is it still customary to shout out, "Ewwwwww, Claire!" when driving through said town? I kept myself amused for an hour on a road trip once doing that.

[pcgd]

The guy missed a good one out of North Dakota high school sports history. We once had the Tower City Clams.

It's funny enough to have a team named the Clams. But in North Dakota, to boot?

Speaking of ND high school, don't forget the Devil's Lake Satans. Trying to pluralize a proper name is what made that nickname so goofy. That's like calling a team the Elvis Presleys or the Genghis Khans or something.

Anyway, here are a few more they missed:

Made-up words:

St. Louis University Billikens (college)

Billiken's isn't really a made up word. Its basically a character that was created by an American art teacher back in the early 1900s. Essecially like naming a team Kilroys...

[-kj]

Is it still customary to shout out, "Ewwwwww, Claire!" when driving through said town? I kept myself amused for an hour on a road trip once doing that.

More like "Ohhhhhh, Claire!"

[tBBP]

All this talk of goofy sports names...

...Banana Slugs--okay. Sounds goofy, but at least it also halfway seems feasible. (it IS an animal, after all...even if it is made up.)

Boilermakers (Purdue University)...sounds goofy, but at least actual boilermakers existed in American history. (IIRC, these are people who actually crafted boilers back in the day...and, I believe, this trade still exists today. I guess Purdue pairing that nickname with the imagery of a speeding train kinda makes sense, since one of Indiana's nicknames is "the Crossroads of America", or something to that effect, due to the National Railroad running through there. I believe that's how that goes...)

Montgomery Biscuits. My favorite goofy name. Kinda hard to be scared of food...but, again, at least it IS an object.

But all this talk and I can't believe the overglowing obvious omission...probably because it's so goofy no one here has even thought of it.

And that goes to...the TARTANS. Of Carnegie Mellon University.

Tartans. What the hell is a daggone TARTAN? Well...despite the scottish terrier that now serves as the school's mascot, a tartan is not the dog...it's the thing around the dog's neck. Actually, it ain't even that...it's the PATTERN that's ON the thing around the dog's neck.

How's THAT for goofy? A nickname that isn't even an OBJECT? It's a PATTERN! How in the world does one fear a form of plaid???

(Whoever did the most recent branding package for this school though certainly made the best out of it and turned out some really good stuff.)

[totc]

All this talk of goofy sports names...

Tartans. What the hell is a daggone TARTAN? Well...despite the scottish terrier that now serves as the school's mascot, a tartan is not the dog...it's the thing around the dog's neck. Actually, it ain't even that...it's the PATTERN that's ON the thing around the dog's neck.

How's THAT for goofy? A nickname that isn't even an OBJECT? It's a PATTERN! How in the world does one fear a form of plaid???

(Whoever did the most recent branding package for this school though certainly made the best out of it and turned out some really good stuff.)

It's also used by the Stuart Country Day School of Princeton, NJ ... to great effect, I might add.

A couple were missed:

Boiling Springs (Pa.) Bubblers

Annville-Cleona (Pa.) Little Dutchmen/Little Dutchgirls

Watersmeet (Mich.) Nimrods

Macon Trax (an ECHL team post-Macon Whoopee)

Sport Boys (Peru soccer team)

McDaniel Green Terror (a college in Maryland)

And four of my old-time soccer favorites:

Ohio Xoggz

Cincinnati Kids (MISL)

Columbus Ziggs

St. Louis Screw

[Coast2CoastAM2006]

Coincidentally, my daughters' alma mater in Texas is also a contender in this category:

silly name yes, i seriously doubt there is a farmer left in lewisville. i would have to think the farmers in texas would be residing in surrounding counties west of tarrant. however they've had some damn good teams. i think they won state back in 99 or so. There was a lewisville team that went undefeated and won state. It was the same year the Grapevine Mustangs won state in the very same fashion.

[Coast2CoastAM2006]

The guy missed a good one out of North Dakota high school sports history. We once had the Tower City Clams.

It's funny enough to have a team named the Clams. But in North Dakota, to boot?

Speaking of ND high school, don't forget the Devil's Lake Satans. Trying to pluralize a proper name is what made that nickname so goofy. That's like calling a team the Elvis Presleys or the Genghis Khans or something.

Anyway, here are a few more they missed:

Made-up words:

Wisconsin-Eau Claire Blugolds (college)

Madison East Purgolders (WI high school)

St. Louis University Billikens (college)

Toronto Marlies (AHL); I know it's derived from "Marlboros" but their official name is actually "Marlies". Not to mention that it conjures up Bob Marley.

yeah most of these are bad.

Abstract concepts:

Toronto Rock (NLL); it's supposed to refer to rock music, but obviously it can also be interpreted as an inanimate object

or they are named after Dwayne 'Rock' Johnson.

Inanimate objects:

Bakersfield Fog (minor-league hockey, since renamed)

Blooming Prairie (Awesome) Blossoms (MN high school)

Denver Nuggets (NBA)

Moorhead Spuds (MN high school)

New York University Fighting Violets (college)

Omaha Beef (UIF); there has to be a "They're what's for dinner" joke in there somewhere

some of these are pretty good like Fog or Nuggets. Violets is inexcusable.

Non-threatening animals:

Miami Dolphins (NFL)

CD Guadalajara ("Chivas", Mexican soccer) and their US cousins Chivas USA (MLS); "Chivas" is Spanish for "kid goats"

17-0 helps the dolphins. Chivas is a bit questionable.

Non-threatening humans:

Penn Quakers (college), named for a pacifist religious sect

that might explain why the Philadelphia Quakers was a short lived team.

Sounds dirty:

Macon Whoopee (ECHL, defunct)

USC (and many other teams called the) Trojans; a condom brand

Saskatchewan Roughriders; another (defunct?) condom brand

Wheeling Nailers (ECHL)

honestly i've not heard 'whoopee' be referenced in anything sexual except vh1. most of the time i generally think of a bird related to Whooping Crane. Trojans isn't as dirty if you know the history. The trojans being the citizens of Troy in the trojan war. Rough riders is another one historically had a different meaning. TR employed his own band of rough riders in the spanish american war.

Nailers well, that one is pretty inexcusable.

Badly transplanted nicknames:

Los Angeles Lakers (NBA)

Tennessee Oilers (NFL, since renamed)

Utah Jazz (NBA)

Washington Bayhawks (MLL, formerly Baltimore)

i have no problem with this list.

Questionable role models:

Oklahoma Sooners (college); named for settlers who snuck into Oklahoma Territory illegally before the federal government officially opened it to settlement. Wouldn't this be like naming a team today in honor of illegal immigrants? Speaking of which...

oh good finally a reason i can expunge the sooner identity from college athletics. at least thats my target after we take out the deadskins identity.