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Favorite Insult


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I heard this the other day, and though I'd heard someone say it before, and knew where it was going, it still made me laugh.

If all the village idiots left their villages, and went to live in the same village, you would be the village idiot of that town.

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Your mother wears combat boots. Three of my teachers said that in the same day a couple weeks ago. I'm still not sure what it means, but I love it. I say it to anyone who pisses me off in the slightest.

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"He's a few picnics short of a sandwich."

"He's not what I would call the brightest bulb on the Xmas tree. In fact, y'know how one bulb can go out and take out the whole strand? Yeah, that's him."

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Go drink a bucket of AIDS and sleep with a crack-addicted hooker with herpes, you infected boil on God's ass.....

and for the milder tastes:

You're not the brightest crayon in the box, are you?

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Heres an oldie but goodie it was my ganmothers favorite. "Go :censored: in your Hat" what it mean I dont know but I heard on the Sopranos recently and it brought back a flood of memories.

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my all time favorite:

after being told how to do their job by a stupid customer.

"Listen lady, i don't come to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth."

here's some classic snaps, you may be scrolling for a bit:

You're so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook Minute rice.

You're so dumb, you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

Your girlfriend is so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator she cracked her two front teeth.

You're so dumb, if you spoke your mind you'd be speechless.

Your sister is so stupid, she went to the baker for a yeast infection.

You're so dumb, you failed Romper Room.

Your mother is so dumb, she couldn't pass a blood test.

You're so stupid, you asked for a price check at a 99¢ store.

You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you plop Happens.

Your brother is so ugly, when he sits in the sand the cat tries to bury him.

Your girlfriend is so ugly, you gave her a hickey and got a mouthful of fur.

You're so ugly, you couldn't get laid if you were a brick.

Your :censored: are so small, you have to tattoo "front" on your chest.

Your mother has one leg longer than the other and they call her Hip-Hop.

Your sister is so skinny, her bra fits better backward.

Your sister is so skinny, she could win the Miss Somalia pageant.

Your mother is so crossed-eyed, she thinks her only child is a twin.

Your girlfriend has so much hair on her chest, her :censored: look like coconuts.

Your teeth have more tartar then Red Lobster.

Your sister is so bucktoothed, she can eat corn on the cob through a fence.

You're so skinny, Sally Struthers sends you food.

Your mother is so fat, she broke her arm and gravy poured out.

Your father is so fat that when he rubs his thighs together, I swear I smell bacon.

Your mother is so fat, she's got more chins than Chinatown.

Your mother is so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

Your mother is so fat, when she dances the band skips.

Your breath smells like Cheez Doodles--light on the cheese and heavy on the doo-doo.

Your breath smells so bad, people on the phone hang up.

Your mother is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Your grandmother is so old, she wrote the foreword to the Bible.

Your mother is so old, she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.

Your mother is so old, her Social Security number is in Roman numerals.

Your mother is so old, her Social Security number is 1.

Your family is so poor, your mother calls TV dinner trays her good china.

Your parents are so poor, they got married for the rice.

Your car is so old, they stole the Club and left the car.

I heard you were getting sex all the time until your wrist got arthritis.

Your father is like cement--it takes him two days to get hard.

Your mother is like a doorknob because everyone takes a turn.

The only difference between your girlfriend and a subway is that everybody hasn't ridden a subway.

When I see a Christmas card that says "ho-ho-ho," I know to address it to your sister.

Your mother has so many crabs she walks sideways.

You're so horny, the last time you felt a breast it came out of a KFC bucket.

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Here are a couple things I heard during a history class one day when the teacher was reading off actual comments from a employee review.

"The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead."

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"Somewhere a village is missing it's idiot."

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