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The Mantry, I declare you to be the worst


The_Admiral

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http://themantry.com/about-us/

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God I hate this. I hate the stupid Olde-Fashioned fingerpoints, the type treatment, the whole premise itself, really.

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lol oops

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OH FUUUUCK RIIIIIGHT OFF

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well crap there's a girl doing a finger-mustache well how can I not spend $75 a month on "birch syrup from Alaska." And why is that left panel ripping off, of all things, McSweeney's?

But seriously above all else, annoying design!

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Obviously it's a portmanteau of "man" and "pantry." "The Modern Man's Pantry."

I don't get this whole be-a-real-man-like-Grampers artisan-curated-this-and-that dandy-fop movement. (See also: the Lumineers.) Then again, I don't get anything. All this REAL MAN stuff is just like the Promise Keepers for guys who smoke pot and play X-Box.

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Target market: hipsters.

I had dinner at a hipster restaurant (sorry, ale house) on Saturday. They served (among other eloquently-named-otherwise-normal dishes) home made seasonal pop tarts with a vanilla glaze. Yes, I'd love to spend $6 on a :censored: pop tart. I'll add it to my collection on Instagram!

Also, "Hecho en America"? WTF.

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It's "Hecho in America," which makes it worse, as it's less Spanglish than it is just...dumb.

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Our proprietors. Do not leave your drinks unattended around the guy on the right.

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"Always expect to receive 5-6 full size items in each crate. We most commonly send 6 items, but in some cases you may receive 5 because the value and experience of that particular theme is so strong (i.e. Bourbon Breakfast or Into The Wild)."

Spare me.

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I wish I had the disposable income and disposable brain to pay $75 a month for organic boysenberry preserves from the wilds of Oregon, which I probably wouldn't have a chance to finish before it expired lest I exclusively consume boysenberry for breakfast. That would make me a man, though. Also, bacon or something.

♫ oh yeah, board goes on, long after the thrill of postin' is gone ♫

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Bacon, courtesy of the internet and Ron Swanson, has jumped over the highest meme-shark possible to become legendary in it's obnoxiousness, along with Chuck Norris jokes and #YOLO.

All this crap reeks of these last-second awful Father's Day gifts that are for the Man's Man.

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Christ. If you've got the money for this, just buy cocaine instead.

On 1/25/2013 at 1:53 PM, 'Atom said:

For all the bird de lis haters I think the bird de lis isnt supposed to be a pelican and a fleur de lis I think its just a fleur de lis with a pelicans head. Thats what it looks like to me. Also the flair around the tip of the beak is just flair that fleur de lis have sometimes source I am from NOLA.

PotD: 10/19/07, 08/25/08, 07/22/10, 08/13/10, 04/15/11, 05/19/11, 01/02/12, and 01/05/12.

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I just made some bomb-ass peanut chicken with a bunch of cheap, decidedly non-artisan ingredients from a grocery store patronized by males but also females. I hope my manly manliness is still intact.

♫ oh yeah, board goes on, long after the thrill of postin' is gone ♫

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I had Spongebob Mac & Cheese and a couple of hot dogs cooked on my Foreman Grill. But I must be more than a man, because my girlfriend says my gas is more than what a mere mortal can produce.

Back-to-Back Fatal Forty Champion 2015 & 2016

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Corny branding aside, what's so bad about a couple of guys supporting and promoting American artisans who are doing things to try and keep this country the way it was when it was founded?

Also, are you not supposed to leave your drinks by the guy on the right because he's hispanic and has shiny hair? If so, that is hilarious.

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