HFBoards Bad Comment Aggregator Thread

[TorinK92]

Somewhat unrelated, but Down Goes Brown had this gem of a page on CapGeek as his most depressing CapGeek page of the week in his Grantland article today.

You’re looking at the “Published Rosters” section of the site’s Armchair GM feature. That’s the tool that lets users play around with their favorite team’s roster — adding players, buying guys out, promoting and demoting, signing free agents, and just generally doing whatever they want as long as they can fit it all under the cap. When they’re done, they can choose to make their finished roster available for public viewing.

And the results are heartbreaking. First of all, as you’d expect, the list is made up almost entirely of non-playoff teams, because those are the fans with time on their hands right now. And as you click through, it becomes increasingly apparent that everyone who uses this tool is drunk on hope. It’s just nothing but beautiful dreamers, sharing their unbridled optimism for the future with the world. And it’s awful, because you just know reality is going to come along and brutally crush them.

Check out this Toronto roster, in which the Leafs have acquired Shea Weber and Matt Duchene while using a compliance buyout (which they don’t have) on David Clarkson (who is not eligible). This Canucks fan traded Alex “coming off a five-goal season” Burrows for P.K. Subban. This Devils fan managed to sign just about every free agent, which apparently convinced Martin Brodeur to stick around for just over minimum wage. This Senators fan thinks his team will spend money.

Seeing Vanek on the senators there just makes me laugh, and Bobby Ryan staying with the Sens and playing on the first line surprises me, (but our management is proabably too cheap and lazy to deal him anyway.)
Also, how in hell do you think it's a good idea to put Jared Cowen on the first line, with Karlsson's fine defensive prowess, they'd be looking at a combined -60 at worst, what could go wrong?

[The_Admiral]

In response to tonight's question, Should penalties be called in overtime?, "jeangauthier" replies

I don`t understand the question...........English may not be my first language but I still don`t get the point of this question?

Ah, from the mouths of francophones...

[RyanMcD29]

GUESS THE FANBASE

NHL needs to renegotiate their tv deal and be less dependent on gate sales before they think of expanding tbh.

[The_Admiral]

I'm going to guess Florida; they've been getting chippier as of late.

The thing about renegotiating the TV deal is delightfully dumb. Of course the league is making less money than they should be per year. That's why NBC locked them up long-term at a low annual rate, sweetie pie. The NHL is NBC's Marian Hossa.

[RyanMcD29]

Close, it was Phoenix.

[RyanMcD29]

Meanwhile in the TV Ratings thread (emphasis mine)

Wow, the NBA is crushing the NHL.

People would rather watch the Clippers/Thunder and the Wizards/Pacers instead of the Penguins/Rangers.

OUCH.

[The_Admiral]

some guy:

Beyond that - "talk" in the media doesn't correlate to actually getting a team.roll

How much media attention was Winnipeg getting? Not very much. And how about Atlanta to Winnipeg? Absolutely none.

Fugu, an admin:

Oh, there was talk. The moderators on the Atlanta board felt overwhelmed by it so they decided to just ban any mention of relocation, which in hindsight served to have many people feel surprised.

We even had updates on the NHL preps going on to the MTS Centre.

Reporting steps toward relocation = trolling an entire fanbase, I guess. More proof that they mollycoddle the southern teams while it's open season on Canadian cities, especially ones that don't have teams yet and thus "entire fanbases." But sure, just sit on news so no feelings are hurt.

[Brass]

Very disappointed in the lack of Patrice Bergeron trade proposals. Usually the general consensus over there is "Bergeron is doing so well in the playoffs, YOU THINK THEY WOULD DEAL HIM TO EDMONTON FOR A 2ND AND JESSE JOENSUU?!"

[TorinK92]

With all the Spezza rumours popping up this time of year like [Anti?]Christmas in July almost every year, sweHockeypunk21 had this glorious breakthrough.

Let me break this down for you from the eyes of a Sens fan:

Tomas Hertl
Joe Pavelski
Jason Demers
1rst Round Pick 2014


Spezza
Karlsson
Rights to Michalek

Ottawa Gets:

Hertl - The next "totally not going to happen again" hyped up Cory Conacher.

Pavelski - An actually good centre who might be able to play up front with... Melnyk: "Hold on, what if Hemsky says no?" Oookay, moving on then.

Demers - Management says that the last thing we need is Defense, and boy do we trust the Management.

1st - Ottawa Bullies this one out of San Jose while yelling "California owes us" over and over.

San Jose Gets:

Spezza - This is what we're here for, right?

Karlsson - Here, take everything. We're alright with Cowen - Phillips getting 30 minutes a night. That's what? Only 50 giveaways per game?

Michalek - Trust us Sanny, these players are like the anti-Heatleys.

Michalek-Thornton-Burns

Marleau-Couture-Nieto
xxx-Spezza-Wingels
Torres-Desjardin-xxx
Shep/Havlat/Burish

Karlsson-Braun
Vlasic- and the rest can figure itself out

Let's play everyone's favourite game of "I'm a defensively inadequate head coach" who thinks Michalek on the first line and Spezza on the third makes perfect sense.

But we do have Irwin, Stuart and Boyle's rights.

Good for you, we east coasters always new that "Who?", "Who?", and "Oh yeah, that guy" plays for your team.

I know Karlsson is not available but would LOVE him on the Sharks.

Good enough for you, good enough for me then.

[The_Admiral]

Has the NHL's talent level dropped since the '90s? Possibly. User "MacBradley" blames Call of Duty and iPhones:

Its a combination of several factors that many people have mentioned. Many small things add up to something noticeable eventually.

One I'm surprised no one seems to mention, is the ADD culture kids started to grow up in. More TV distractions, internet, cell phones, video games, ect. There's plenty of articles on how this is making even the most driven people less efficient in their respective workplaces, and sports aren't definitely immune to it either.

For example...a common superstar growing up in the 70's or 80's would go to school, play hockey until their parents forced them to eat, and go to bed. In the 90's and 2000's, that same kid would do all that, except might play 30 minutes of Call of Duty before going to bed, taking away from either rest and/or hockey. They will be taking small amounts of time at points during the day to check their phone, or take a photo, which can mean they need more time to do their homework or job, and get out to play hockey a little bit less.

I'm gonna spend hours and hours devoting myself to my craft, in many ways sacrificing my emotional growth by failing to develop any other passions or skills. But first...

LET ME TAKE A #SELFIE

[IceCap]

Has the NHL's talent level dropped since the '90s?

Oh for the good old days of Bobby Holik and Paul Yserbaert.

[The_Admiral]

I suffer from an ultraspecific form of dyslexia in which I always read "Mogilny" as "Moligny." Am I alone in this world?

[IceCap]

No. Right there with ya.

[Still MIGHTY]

And here I thought I was the only one. Count me among the few.

[The_Admiral]

In the thread "OT Louisiana considering changing workmans comp rules WRT non-season injuries," global moderator Killion replies:

well, of course it is, "moot". One of the pillars of their CBA's. Privately insured & covered. Its only applicable really to those suffering injury outside of the norm in (hockey crazed) Louisiana. Off~season or pre~season when some are playing without Contracts, and youve also got "practice squads" to consider when looking at football. Guys down the depth charts who might not play at all in any given year & who dont make much.

The other concern, especially in California, is lets say your an NHL'r playing for oh, I dunno, the Sharks? And during off~hours or between seasons your skateboarding down that pretty near 90 degree pitch on the north side of Hick Road to Umunhum at a buck ninety right out of control & beyond the edges of sanity... blacking~out halfway down from speed, gravity & alcohol poisoning & wipe~out.... EMT's eventually arrive, scraping up whats left of you with putty knives & squeegee's, put the parts in Glad bags, off to Emergency... you wake~up up in traction some weeks later unaware of where you are or what happened... just that your a member of the San Jose Sharks, and that your name is Joe Thornton.....

Well, all I can say is good luck with that Workmans Compo claim ever getting approved down in Sacramento Joey. Aint happenin. And your private insurance along with that of the Sharks and through the CBA, thats goin nowhere fast as well. However, having earned in excess of $70M over the course of his career and amassed a sizeable fortune, it really doesnt matter.... Just as performing in the post season seems unimportant to Jumbo Joe... not worth the bother.... I guess he's got better things to do Springtime in San Jose.... Like skateboarding down Hicks' Road.... off~road at El Diablo State Park....

[monkeypower]

I can't see Jumbo Joe being able to stand up on a skateboard, much less ride one.

[The_Admiral]

Killion again, dissatisfied with the Coyotes ownership he advocated for:

Where are the new uniforms and the complete make-overs? Where are the pop-up Gorilla Marketing kiosks and vans fanning out all over the valley giving stuff away in conjunction with a major radio campaign? Where are the outdoor, indoor, on-line, in-bar, in-print, on TV major campaigns creating a buzz throughout the Valley in every community? Are they working with Luke AFB? Are they working with the University of Phoenix & the Community Colleges, High Schools? Boy Scouts, Girl Guides, 4H & all of the amateur sports organizations?

Donald Sterling's over here like "market them as being gorillas, HOW DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT"

[monkeypower]

He just wants them to take a page from the Arizona Phoenix Suns book.

[Cosmic]

Killion again, dissatisfied with the Coyotes ownership he advocated for:

Where are the new uniforms and the complete make-overs? Where are the pop-up Gorilla Marketing kiosks and vans fanning out all over the valley giving stuff away in conjunction with a major radio campaign? Where are the outdoor, indoor, on-line, in-bar, in-print, on TV major campaigns creating a buzz throughout the Valley in every community? Are they working with Luke AFB? Are they working with the University of Phoenix & the Community Colleges, High Schools? Boy Scouts, Girl Guides, 4H & all of the amateur sports organizations?

Donald Sterling's over here like "market them as being gorillas, HOW DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT"

Two things:

- Is he really surprised that there's not wall-to-wall marketing saturation for a team that won't play a game for four months?

- He is aware that University of Phoenix is an online school, right? Perhaps they will encourage their students to get Gamecenter Live?

[The_Admiral]

"Sticks and Pucks" weighs the crimes of Dany Heatley versus those of Patrick Kane:

I think the difference between Kane and Heatley is that after Heatley's accident we all knew Heatley was sorry for killing his best friend and that he felt terrible. We pretty much knew Heatley was not going to make the same mistake again. On the other hand, I have no idea if Kane was ever really sorry for what he did to the cabbie or if he was just sorry because he got caught. He has since matured but I think Kane's lack of remorse back then still hangs with hockey fans and that's why it's harder to get over the cabbie incident compared to Heatley's incident.

See, I think the difference is that Dany Heatley killed someone. Of course that's worse!