Rite of Spring '14: Can you fall asleep with a panic switch?

[the admiral 28,260]

Squatting on the Stanley Cup megathread because it's perennially a contender for thread of the year. Thread title in honor of the Blues unraveling like a cheap sweater, the grand farce that Toews and Kane are coming back 100%, and the general malaise and self-loathing that besets us all during this. And a badass riff. And Igor.

Playoff bracket as of now, subject to change:

FACKIN' MAWSHANN!

v.

Natural Rivals of the Florida Panthers

Le seul espoir pour tout le Canada, même les merdes anglophones

v.

Maple Wings

Sidney Crosby and the "I Didn't Do It" Dancers

v.

THE BEEJ

Scott Arniel and the Columbus Blue Jackets

v.

Look, We Don't Know What We're Doing Here, Either

The Anaheim Ducks

v.

Not the St. Patrick's Day Blackhawks

The NHL's Best Fans

v.

Dynasty in the Making

So Like We Still Have Sakic and Roy Right Okay Cool I Remember Them

v.

I Come from the Land of the Ice and Snow and the Stifling Culture of Nordic/Germanic Passive-Aggressive Judgment

Arch Rivals

v.

A Passing Fad for Bros Named Chad

[TheOldRoman 1,292]

So.. are we going without a Team Justice this year, or is that to be determined later?

[TorinK92 314]

You managed to mixed my favourite band with my new least favourite thread, Admiral. Nice work.

[ninersdd 575]

What will you put if Phoenix sneaks in over Dallas? And yeah I knew for sure you were gonna put that about the Sharks.

[Funky Bunky 162]

You managed to mixed my favourite band with my new least favourite thread, Admiral. Nice work.

Silversun Pickups?

What will you put if Phoenix sneaks in over Dallas? And yeah I knew for sure you were gonna put that about the Sharks.

I don't know exactly, but something that has to do with the whole wannabe Canadian thing they got going down there.

[pollux 431]

You have the Jackets there twice, although I'm fine with you forgetting the Big Apple Country Club. Arniel is in NY...

And you should write "Le seul espoir" for the Habs.

[the admiral 28,260]

It was a rip on the Nash/Dorsett/Brassard trade.

[charger77 1,767]

I don't have a team to cheer for in the playoffs, so I guess I will sublease my fandom for the next few months...

Here are the teams I'd like to see win it all.

Columbus - It would be awesome!

Colorado - Worst to first under Patrick Roy

It would be neat if any of the following won.

Pit, Chi, SJ or ANA.

And a special place in my heart to who ever takes out Detroit.

[Sport 13,790]

It blows my mind that the Rangers are as good as they are with so many wasteland-era Blue Jackets on their roster plus the worst head coach in the last five years running their power play.

Anywhooo Blue Jackets lost Nathan Horton for the playoffs. He had abdominal surgery today, which really blows because he's a playoff monster.

[dbadefense1990 369]

It would be neat if any of the following won.

Pit, Chi, SJ or ANA.

And a special place in my heart to who ever takes out Detroit.

You have a special place for the team that beats the Red Wings, but consider it neat if Pittsburgh won. Interesting.

Anyway, I have an obvious fixation as to my champion. But if not them, here are my top three preferred teams to win it all:

1. Blue Jackets

2. Sharks

3. Avalanche

And here are the teams that would make me harpoon myself in the skull if they won the Cup:

3. Blackhawks (not really a hated team, but them winning it again? It's a fatigue thing.)

2. Penguins

1. Red Wings

And the teams which would make me slam my head against a stucco wall for every day they're in the playoffs:

1. Phoenix

2. Glendale

3. Coyotes

[RyanMcD29 771]

In memory of last year's playoff thread name

NEVER FORGET

[ninersdd 575]

I don't have a team to cheer for in the playoffs, so I guess I will sublease my fandom for the next few months...

Here are the teams I'd like to see win it all.

Columbus - It would be awesome!

Colorado - Worst to first under Patrick Roy

It would be neat if any of the following won.

Pit, Chi, SJ or ANA.

And a special place in my heart to who ever takes out Detroit.

Fortunately I haven't been in the situation of my team not being in the playoffs recently. However if not the Sharks, I don't want Anaheim, LA, Chicago, St. Louis, Dallas, Boston, Pittsburgh, and Detroit. Basically, I don't want any rivals and/or recent champs to win.

[Kramerica Industries 1,854]

Playoff time. and the Rangers are there but the Lightning are not?



RANGERS BANDWAGONING

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Wait a minute, that's not the case this year. Woo-hoo!

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In any case, for a team called the Maple Wings, do the Lightning inherit Toronto's choking mentality or Detroit's winning mentality? Dammit I'm so confused!

[Still MIGHTY 3,834]

I'm kind of disappointed with your effort on the Ducks, admiral. I mean hell, "Getzlaf's Bald Spot", "How long until Teemu kicks the bucket?", "Bruce Boudreau avoids the early flameout", "Real Hockey Players of Orange County", etc. Something!

Otherwise, exemplary, as always.

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My playoff rooting interest power rankings:

1. Mighty Anaheim Ducks (duh, obvi. leggooooo.)

2. Columbus Beej Jackets

3. Whoever isn't San Jose/Los Angeles/Pittsburgh/Detroit

4. Le Club de hockey Canadien

5. St. Louis Blues

6. Minnesota Wild

7. Colorado Avalanche

8. Tampa Bay Lightning

9. Chicago Blackhawks

10. Boston Bruins

11. New York Rangers

12. Philadelphia Flyers

13. Dallas Stars

[rams80 4,231]

Chicagiensis Delenda Est?

[Funky Bunky 162]

I'm kind of disappointed with your effort on the Ducks, admiral. I mean hell, "Getzlaf's Bald Spot", "How long until Teemu kicks the bucket?", "Bruce Boudreau avoids the early flameout", "Real Hockey Players of Orange County", etc. Something!

Otherwise, exemplary, as always.

---

My playoff rooting interest power rankings:

1. Mighty Anaheim Ducks (duh, obvi. leggooooo.)

2. Columbus Beej Jackets

3. Whoever isn't San Jose/Los Angeles/Pittsburgh/Detroit

4. Le Club de hockey Canadien

5. St. Louis Blues

6. Minnesota Wild

7. Colorado Avalanche

8. Tampa Bay Lightning

9. Chicago Blackhawks

10. Boston Bruins

11. New York Rangers

12. Philadelphia Flyers

13. Dallas Stars

I agree with this list 100%.

[IceCap 21,978]

When push comes to shove anyone but San Jose ("NHL's Best Fans"? Seriously?), Boston (UGGGGG), or Detroit (die) would be fine.

It would be neat if any of the following won.

Pit, Chi, SJ or ANA.

And a special place in my heart to who ever takes out Detroit.

You have a special place for the team that beats the Red Wings, but consider it neat if Pittsburgh won. Interesting.

Leafs fans really don't like the Red Wings and are generally neutral when it comes to the Penguins.

And here are the teams that would make me harpoon myself in the skull if they won the Cup:

3. Blackhawks (not really a hated team, but them winning it again? It's a fatigue thing.)
2. Penguins
1. Red Wings

And the teams which would make me slam my head against a stucco wall for every day they're in the playoffs:

1. Phoenix
2. Glendale
3. Coyotes

Stop trying so hard.

[twi 378]

How do the worst posters always make the threads I'm interested in reading...

[the admiral 28,260]

[CS85 10,488]

To my fellow Blackhawks fans whom I enraged last year and showered with gloom and death, I have a new catchphrase this post-season:

Also I'm glad the 'Yotes were screwed/Blues are melting down. Please let this persist indefinitely.