Coolisiana

RT @kingofcreame: bartender "ok i just need to see an ID"Charmander *nervously hands over fake* http://t.co/CQHPz2n3NP

RT @lionprincessval: Cool Tip for how to get out of a conversation: pretend to be on the phone https://t.co/r58XGRr8gX

RT @noog: My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn't act the way he…

RT @NoToFeminism: I don’t need feimsn because I love kids, & all femisits LOVE abortions! Instead of going to get massages they get abortio…

RT @omically: what if humans were on Mars first and :censored:ed up so bad the planet died and all space exploration is just subconsciously tryin…

RT @pumpkin_horse: #relatable #RelatableVine #mom #momsbelike that feel when!!! https://t.co/OdBBHrbQqP

RT @ruinedpicnic: [throws salt over my shoulder]slug behind me in line: dude what the

RT @Seinfeld2000: all jerys gfs http://t.co/WfXq8RKDS5

RT @Seinfeld2000: Uncle leo eyebrows on fleek http://t.co/kVrzgzAixg

RT @TheAlexP: *dog pokes me with nose**stop, it's late*(Dog looks at me with sad eyes)*ugh, ok*[sets up poker table for him and his…

RT @what_a_messs: The first person to see the sun rise was probably up so early

Society: Be yourself Me: Ok wow how can all 7 billion of you speak perfectly in unison like that Society: Ok except for you. You be nobody

This used to be on my Favstar

What will I wake up and tweet at 3am THIS time? Stay tuned

What? "Delectable" has a highly positive connotation "While this is true, 1) You're saying it about my baby & 2) I have no idea who you are"

Why Happy Easter! And don't worry, Wester will be here in only a short few hours I didn't forget about y'all

Why's life so difficult I never sleep anymore "Um ur tweeting at midnight maybe t-" DID I ASK FOR UR OPINION "Um literally yes you just did"

Would the American version of Chappie star Jay-Z and Beyoncé?

.@cool_as_heck I have executively decided to never bring children into this world because of people like you

(2037) *invents a car that literally projects entire widescreen movies onto the windshield* *zero people object whatsoever*

(Magic show) MAGICIAN: Don't see ur card eh? Well watch this *reaches for back pocket* *is immediately shot by audience member just in case*

(To the tune of "it's 5 o'clock somewhere") Me (standing, eternally): The national anthem is playing somewhere

(Watching Rio with my date) DATE: Gymnastics is by far my favorite event ME: *thinks silently for a full 75 seconds* I invented the Olympics

@1flowerkid Ok. That will be thirteen cents

@adiablo20 Stop this