Coolisiana

@claire_boeck @Katie_Schulzet @ariasrafael65 @Mr_Freki Holy crap you have a ton of friends

Mail emergency spaghetti pronto

@yerpalmildsauce I respect that

What did I do differently

@SarahCubed ?

@SarahCubed Oh Sarah I just adore you and your sweetness ☃

Everyone at this airport is looking at me like I'm the only person playing a Game Boy Color here

(Watching Rio with my date) DATE: Gymnastics is by far my favorite event ME: *thinks silently for a full 75 seconds* I invented the Olympics

I have now committed to this new sleep regimen. It's where I get -2 hours of sleep per night. Very effective. No I'm not dead

@clit__romney I have been told this

In social situations I am the equivalent of an ambulance in traffic

@nobleofcoble Bad

I have decided to die. Thank you for the support

@House_Feminist I think this tweet automatically assumes I'm not blind and that's not cool

Bully: Get lost, kid Me, leading a life with zero direction: Buddy you don't even know the half of it

@BaconShark This is good

@justabloodygame I tend to agree

@BeTheCookie To me it just sounds better to start off with house that I plan on living in for a very long time for best financial situation

RT @buttnight: *someone pulls out in front of me while I'm driving but they're a safe, reasonable distance away* ARE You fuNKING kidding me

*injects an entire bottle of caulk down my esophagus* I'm dieting

@BaconShark Gee thanks

(Magic show) MAGICIAN: Don't see ur card eh? Well watch this *reaches for back pocket* *is immediately shot by audience member just in case*

@iamspacegirl If ur happier now and this only reminds u of those times all those hours ago then I am sorry but https://t.co/jZeKELA8Q9

The best accent hands down is Australian don't @ me

*is hot* PERSON: You're hot ME: I am not cool