Coolisiana

@Prof_Hinkley Yes

@punmagnate Thanks

@roostermustache Get the heck off my brand

@ryanricco813 I literally had some 4 hours ago

@SarahCubed ?

@SarahCubed By liking it you're encouraging that I do it though. Stop appropriating grandma culture

@SarahCubed Oh Sarah I just adore you and your sweetness ☃

@sug_knight No

@sug_knight Thought my ability to cut a ribbon with giant scissors at a grand opening would be used more by now

@VapingSonic This https://t.co/Uf4r8p8zJe

@yerpalmildsauce I respect that

@yerpalmildsauce Ok

*backs away*

*eats ravioli without an explanation*

*I pull the chair out from behind my grandpa but he falls down and dies* Ha ha. Why aren't any of you laughing. He was 90 anyway

*increasingly decreases*

*injects an entire bottle of caulk down my esophagus* I'm dieting

*insert 'Me at 3am' meme*

*is hot* PERSON: You're hot ME: I am not cool

*tries to throw a grenade to the opposing side but it just recoils off the back of the backboard, killing me*

*waking up, hungover-like* I was the one who started the clapping

Add me to your group DM so I can link every tweet I've ever written that starts with "Add me to your group DM" back… https://t.co/BQegPfEnAx

Before logging on to the internet at all: Well,, that's enough internet for me today

Being 40 years old does not seem enjoyable

Bully: Get lost, kid Me, leading a life with zero direction: Buddy you don't even know the half of it