The_Admiral

None of your examples have a 75 year history of playing on the last game of the season. Everyone gets a locked in cross division opponent and most people are smart enough to understand that, but people weren't worried that the OSU-Michigan wasn't going to played. That was never a concern because it's too crazy. The biggest concern (that they'll move the game because of being in opposite divisions) is about to happen. They're going to botch this thing and this rivalry will lose a lot of its intensity because it's being moved.

Oh, get the sand out. The rest of the world doesn't care about your stupid game. The conference doesn't revolve around the Michigan-Ohio State game.

Did we do this one already? Did I? Feels familiar.

One of the stipulations of the NFL-AFL merger was that no teams could leave their cities, which was obviously ignored. Had it not been, we could've had a perfectly preserved pre-merger NFL. To wit:

NFL Central: Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings, Detroit Lions

NFL Capitol: Dallas Cowboys, New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Washington Redskins

NFL Coastal: Los Angeles Rams, San Francisco 49ers, New Orleans Saints, St. Louis Football Cardinals

NFL Century: Cleveland Browns, Pittsburgh Steelers, Baltimore Colts, Atlanta Falcons

AFL East: Boston Patriots, Buffalo Bills, New York Jets, Miami Dolphins

AFL West: Oakland Raiders, San Diego Chargers, Denver Broncos, Kansas City Chiefs

AFL South: Nashville Titans, Houston Oilers, Charlotte Panthers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers

AFL North: Cincinnati Bengals, Indianapolis Jaguars, Seattle Seahawks, Phoenix Firebirds

Let's say:

- Phoenix and Nashville enter the league in 1986 as expansion teams, awarded as concessions for failed Cardinals and Oilers relocations, respectively. I guess they'd be alternate-universe NeoBrowns and Texans eventually. What happened before '99 and '02, who knows.

- With the new Lucas Stadium, Indy finally has an NFL-calibre stadium. Citing the fact that Rozelle only promised the 26 per-merger teams would never depart, the Jags successfully land there in 2008 after failing in Jacksonville as part of the 1995 expansion, making them the first NFL team to relocate after the merger. Mayflower arrival optional.

Those should've been full-time road uniforms with "Dallas" on the front. They'd certainly be mavericks to wear metallic uniforms 41+ times!

I 180ed on the creamsicles. Well, 165ed, since I still think Bucco Bruce is a weak logo. But I guess I decided embracing a Floridian color scheme was preferable to embracing a pirate-based visual identity. I was never enamored of the redesign; I found them too gimmicky in spots and yet too boring in others (cartoony shmartoony, you sorta have to go all out on names/numbers when you pretend your stadium is a pirate ship). If someone can make a superior logo to Bucco Bruce, go back to the old colors and forget about the poor man's 49ers.

Anyone actively involved or even emotionally invested in any of this should consume hemlock by the vat.

Indianapolis only hosts a bunch of stuff because it's a good centralized location for a lot of people, and Chicago chooses to alienate everyone with head-up-ass union regulations. It's not a compelling destination in and of itself.

Wait, so is the Lakes Division.

Oh, like Marilyn Manson.

Why does the NFL's second largest market, with a slavishly devoted fanbase, have its smallest stadium by capacity?

Failure to fully grasp NFL supply and demand. They figured they could charge a premium for seats if there were fewer of them, forgetting that demand for NFL games is virtually inelastic in cities that aren't Jacksonville, and as such could've charged just as much for 75,000 seats as they could for 61,000. (Also, there's a good chance that anything bigger would sink through the landfill and into the lake.) I suppose they make enough money on luxury suites that the rest of the gate doesn't matter, but it's still pretty lame to have such a small stadium for, you know, the Chicago Bears. But hey, we'll never have a blackout!

Where the Bears play isn't terribly important to me, within reason. It's not crucial that they play on the lakefront, since if you think about it, it never really made a lot of sense to have a football field amidst a bunch of world-class museums, even when Soldier Field wasn't an eyesore. I mean, I don't want them in Gary, for Christ's sake, but I'm sure there were better options than this.

There's also nowhere to park, at least reasonably and affordably.

FieldTurf is no panacea for Soldier Field's ills. If the Park District installed FieldTurf, they'd still manage to half-ass that too. Watch, they'd forget to install a drainage system so that there are inches of standing water that nobody would know how to get rid of. If the Redskins can ask for another new stadium because 91,000 seats with ample parking doesn't cut it, the Bears should be able to play the same card with 61,000 seats and no parking. I don't care if that means they play in Itasca or something. What a dump.

Soldier Field hosts enough crappy football as it is without adding another Big Ten game.

Colorado is a short-run loser in this. By jumping the gun (they thought Texas was on its way) they will have to give up Big 12 TV money for two or three years which their athletic department can hardly afford in light of the fact that the school couldn't raise $3 million to buy out Hawkins' contract.

How can they not raise the money? IT'S DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL

I'm a Pac 10 fan and wanted to see the likes of Texas and Oklahoma on a yearly basis. I know distance and all, was an issue, but purely on the competition side, to see those two in football alone would give credence (media-wise) to the Pac 10. The fact of the matter is the the Pac 10, no matter how good it is, will always be looked down upon because it's west of the Mississippi and the media is centered around NYC. It's not whining, it's just stating a fact. Heck, if the SEC schools all went 1-11 and the Pac 10 schools went 11-1, the media would crown the SEC the toughest conference. I realize that's actually impossible, but you get my point.

I'm not bashing Utah, which is a quality school all around, but Utah's not as sexy as Texas or Oklahoma. If it was up to me, I'd still rather see BYU replace Colorado and keep that rivalry going in a conference. I'm a BYU fan, until someone tells me I have to be because I'm a member of the Church, and then when the do that, I root for BYU to lose. Then again, I root for BYU to lose, just to piss people off! I just am not sold on Colorado, or should I say Berkley in the Mountains? We've already got one liberally nut-case for a school in Berkley, why add another? If you got Colorado from the late 80's, that to me would've been a better fit, but today they are a middle of the road school in everything.

Pac-10 & Mount-1

Vaguely sordid.

Finally, the day has come where my Utes are moving to a conference of legitimacy

"What is a ute?"

In your rush to be...well...you, it seems you missed the point. The Kent States of the college football world lose out if they can't score the big payday. By lining up to be a punching bag for the big schools, the mid-major schools get much needed cash for their programs. When Kent State uses their non-conference schedule to play patsy for the behemoths they pick up an extra million-five or so for the program. Losing that revenue would have a serious impact on their programs. Do you think the small schools play the big schools just because they think it's fun to get pounded 58-3? They need that money. Take that cash away and we won't be talking about the mid-majors who make a run at the top 25 and pull off the great upsets every year because there won't be any mid-majors left.

Not being a fan of the 1919 Chicago White Sox, I try not to advocate getting paid to lose games. Doesn't seem very sporting.

With a playoff the big teams will have no reason to play the little guys. Why should Ohio State bring in a team like Kent when they can just as easily schedule a good team and get a real tune-up before conference play?

Ohio State has no business pulverizing a little bug like Kent State anyway. That's like the Yankees playing a "tune-up" against the Montgomery Biscuits.

The PAC-10 seems to have open arms, barking "Come one, come all"...

b-b-b-b-but the Lofty Academic Standards

College football is about to be ruined.

It sucked anyway.

Cassell for leading the Clips to that miracle playoff run in '05

That was 2006.

A banner seems gratuitous. Maybe just a trophy, or a plaque-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack.

I wouldn't see Billy Joel either, because the guy only had like three good songs.

I'm gonna check out that book he wrote. Seems like it's right up my alley.

There is no school in the Cal State system which is even close to the academic standards which the Pac-10 demands.

None of this has anything to do with "academic standards." It has everything to do with exploiting fast kids for money.

Baltimore expansion team that never happened (nor did its Memphis HounDogs counterpart)

Welp, now I've done it; I've pissed off Omaha.