The_Admiral

Oh, get the sand out. The rest of the world doesn't care about your stupid game. The conference doesn't revolve around the Michigan-Ohio State game.

Did we do this one already? Did I? Feels familiar. One of the stipulations of the NFL-AFL merger was that no teams could leave their cities, which was obviously ignored. Had it not been, we could've had a perfectly preserved pre-merger NFL. To wit: NFL Central: Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, Minnesota Vikings, Detroit Lions NFL Capitol: Dallas Cowboys, New York Giants, Philadelphia Eagles, Washington Redskins NFL Coastal: Los Angeles Rams, San Francisco 49ers, New Orleans Saints, St. Louis Football Cardinals NFL Century: Cleveland Browns, Pittsburgh Steelers, Baltimore Colts, Atlanta Falcons AFL East: Boston Patriots, Buffalo Bills, New York Jets, Miami Dolphins AFL West: Oakland Raiders, San Diego Chargers, Denver Broncos, Kansas City Chiefs AFL South: Nashville Titans, Houston Oilers, Charlotte Panthers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers AFL North: Cincinnati Bengals, Indianapolis Jaguars, Seattle Seahawks, Phoenix Firebirds Let's say: - Phoenix and Nashville enter the league in 1986 as expansion teams, awarded as concessions for failed Cardinals and Oilers relocations, respectively. I guess they'd be alternate-universe NeoBrowns and Texans eventually. What happened before '99 and '02, who knows. - With the new Lucas Stadium, Indy finally has an NFL-calibre stadium. Citing the fact that Rozelle only promised the 26 per-merger teams would never depart, the Jags successfully land there in 2008 after failing in Jacksonville as part of the 1995 expansion, making them the first NFL team to relocate after the merger. Mayflower arrival optional.

Those should've been full-time road uniforms with "Dallas" on the front. They'd certainly be mavericks to wear metallic uniforms 41+ times!

I 180ed on the creamsicles. Well, 165ed, since I still think Bucco Bruce is a weak logo. But I guess I decided embracing a Floridian color scheme was preferable to embracing a pirate-based visual identity. I was never enamored of the redesign; I found them too gimmicky in spots and yet too boring in others (cartoony shmartoony, you sorta have to go all out on names/numbers when you pretend your stadium is a pirate ship). If someone can make a superior logo to Bucco Bruce, go back to the old colors and forget about the poor man's 49ers.

Anyone actively involved or even emotionally invested in any of this should consume hemlock by the vat.

Indianapolis only hosts a bunch of stuff because it's a good centralized location for a lot of people, and Chicago chooses to alienate everyone with head-up-ass union regulations. It's not a compelling destination in and of itself.

Wait, so is the Lakes Division.

Oh, like Marilyn Manson.

Failure to fully grasp NFL supply and demand. They figured they could charge a premium for seats if there were fewer of them, forgetting that demand for NFL games is virtually inelastic in cities that aren't Jacksonville, and as such could've charged just as much for 75,000 seats as they could for 61,000. (Also, there's a good chance that anything bigger would sink through the landfill and into the lake.) I suppose they make enough money on luxury suites that the rest of the gate doesn't matter, but it's still pretty lame to have such a small stadium for, you know, the Chicago Bears. But hey, we'll never have a blackout! Where the Bears play isn't terribly important to me, within reason. It's not crucial that they play on the lakefront, since if you think about it, it never really made a lot of sense to have a football field amidst a bunch of world-class museums, even when Soldier Field wasn't an eyesore. I mean, I don't want them in Gary, for Christ's sake, but I'm sure there were better options than this.

There's also nowhere to park, at least reasonably and affordably. FieldTurf is no panacea for Soldier Field's ills. If the Park District installed FieldTurf, they'd still manage to half-ass that too. Watch, they'd forget to install a drainage system so that there are inches of standing water that nobody would know how to get rid of. If the Redskins can ask for another new stadium because 91,000 seats with ample parking doesn't cut it, the Bears should be able to play the same card with 61,000 seats and no parking. I don't care if that means they play in Itasca or something. What a dump.

Soldier Field hosts enough crappy football as it is without adding another Big Ten game.

How can they not raise the money? IT'S DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL

Vaguely sordid.

"What is a ute?"

Not being a fan of the 1919 Chicago White Sox, I try not to advocate getting paid to lose games. Doesn't seem very sporting.

Ohio State has no business pulverizing a little bug like Kent State anyway. That's like the Yankees playing a "tune-up" against the Montgomery Biscuits.

b-b-b-b-but the Lofty Academic Standards

It sucked anyway.

That was 2006.

A banner seems gratuitous. Maybe just a trophy, or a plaque-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack. I wouldn't see Billy Joel either, because the guy only had like three good songs.

I'm gonna check out that book he wrote. Seems like it's right up my alley.

None of this has anything to do with "academic standards." It has everything to do with exploiting fast kids for money.

Baltimore expansion team that never happened (nor did its Memphis HounDogs counterpart)

Welp, now I've done it; I've pissed off Omaha.