The Clementine Football League

[hammerdan]

The Clementine Football League is the highest level competition in Clementine Rules Football and the most popular sporting league (by attendance, revenue and television viewing figures) in the Clementine Islands.

External History:

The league was designed initially as a backdrop to a novel I never got around to writing and fleshed out during bouts of procrastination and insomnia.

My intention was to create a colourful but believable league free of everything that irritated me about English football (principally its commercialism and domination by a small clique of soulless brands masquerading as sport clubs). As such the CFL unashamedly reflects my own biases and hangups.

I sought to give each team a distinct identity. However, as in every sports league I’m familiar with, certain teams have bigger personalities than others.

Kits/Uniforms:

My intention was not to design uniforms worn during any given season, but rather to design sketches of teams’ traditional colours ala the Subbuteo charts I recall poring over as a child (http://tinyurl.com/b24ruc9).

If you would like to design concept uniforms based on my templates then please be my guest.

PLEASE NOTE!

Teams are without logos at present because I suck at drawing. If you would like to volunteer logo concepts then please go ahead. I like the idea (as in the AFL of old, or the GAA of today) of team shields sharing common design features - I have an autistic streak.

I welcome imaginative collaboration and am happy to field suggestions.

Internal History:

Clementine Rules Football:

Like Aussie Rules, CFL (or ’Rules’) is a free-flowing, kick-and-catch game, characterised by physical play and marking. The game is played with a round ball on a large, oval field.

The central goal is shaped like an NFL goal-post .7 points are awarded for a goal and 1 point is awarded for a ‘shy’ or behind.

Unlike Aussie Rules there’s no rule preventing ball-carrying. The ball may be passed backwards, rugby-style, or punched forwards. The ball may not be thrown overarm. Backward marking is not permitted inside one’s own 50-yard line. As in rugby the ball-carrier may be tackled between the shoulder and knee.

Teams comprise eighteen players. A game is divided into three periods of 30 minutes. The team that is trailing at the end of the second period may choose which end to defend during the third.

The season culminates in the Grand Final, contested at the Fair Harbour Oval. The winner is awarded the Governor’s Cup.

The Clementine Islands:

The Commonwealth of the Clementine Islands is a country consisting of more than 900 islands, islets and cays in the Caribbean Sea; covering an area 200 miles west of Florida to 200 miles east of Mexico. The islands have a population of approximately ten million.

Capital: Cicely (Saint Anne)

Largest City: Fair Harbour (Tattered Rag)

States of the Clementine Islands (in order of population): Tattered Rag; Saint Anne; Free Island; Barmundy; Gillimoney; The Windenmost Islands; The Sergeant Islands.

Other sports:

Cricket is the Islands’ most popular summer sport. Rugby Union is the most popular winter sport in the Clementine states of Barmundy, Gillimoney, Saint Anne, the Sergeant Islands and the Windenmosts.

The CFL:

Tattered Rag, the most populous state in the Clementine Islands, is Rules’ traditional heartland. Of the eighteen teams that comprise the CFL, all but five are located on the island. Free Island, a small, urbanised statelet a short ferry trip from Fair Harbour, is home to three teams (Brown, Indigo & Yale and Observatory). Brown and Indigo & Yale contest arguably the bitterest derby game in Clementine sport. Observatory exist to make up the numbers.

Lamb and Flag, One O Cat, Downtown Old Club and Elem Station are the league’s historical powerhouses.

Cicely Capitals are a rising force in the game.

Indigo & Yale and Brown enjoyed success in the seventies and eighties. Grasshoppers were successful in the sixties.

The Cicely Capitals, founded in 1989, were the only team situated outside the islands before the ‘New Deal’ of 2001 professionalised the game and revolutionised the League’s structure.

The New Deal amalgamated certain of the smaller country sides into two new teams (Peninsula and Sunshine Coast), and created a new Saint Anne team based in Pineapple Bay (the Vegas of the Clementine Islands). A new combination - the Special Combination - was established to provide a home for the two Saint Anne teams. The third place in the Combination is determined according to rules I’ll explain later.

The New Deal granted certain smaller teams permission to ‘tour’. In practice this has allowed four of the smaller clubs to play a number of games in other states.

Each team sports one ‘colour strip’ and one ‘white strip’. In all but four cases (Downtown Athletic Club, Grasshoppers, Lamb & Flag, and Sunshine Coast) a team’s colour strip is its home strip. When playing within its combination a team is only required to wear its away strip in the event of a clash.

The CFL comprises 18 teams subdivided into three ‘Combinations’ of six teams, each comprising two ‘Conferences’ of three teams.

Each team plays its two Combination rivals three times and the other three teams in its Conference twice. During the Mid-Season Series teams play one game against each team outside their Conference.

The post-season is complicated. I’ll explain it later.

The Country Combination

Country Conference East (The ‘Suburban Conference’)

Grasshoppers (officially Eastern Suburbs)

Hundred Acre Meadow

Indian Harbour

Country Conference West (The ‘Up-Country Conference’)

Elem Station

Peninsula

Sunshine Coast

The Special Combination

Island Conference

Brown

Indigo & Yale

Observatory

Special Conference

Cabbagetown

Cicely Capitals

Pineapple Bay

Town Combination

Downtown Conference

Downtown Athletic Club

Downtown Imperial Theatre

Downtown Old Club

Old Town Conference

Lamb & Flag

One O Flag

Victoria

[hammerdan]

Country Conference East (‘The Suburban Conference’)

From left to right…

Grasshoppers (officially ‘Eastern Suburbs’)

Founded: 1905

Nicknames: The Burbs, The Hoppers; Fiji (a play on the club’s apocryphal initials Fair Harbour Grasshoppers); The Grass-Stained Angels.

Colours: white, green and red

Home ground: County Park

Representing Fair Harbour’s blue-collar East End, Hoppers are famous for their large, boisterous support; aggressive playing-style, and inability to win anything, ever. Captained by the great Jim Pantoliano (‘Jimmy Pants’, a cast-iron replica of whose handlebar moustache is suspended above County Park‘s main scoreboard) Fiji achieved some success in the 60s, taking Governor’s Cups in successive seasons. Since then, nada.

Hundred Acre Meadow

Founded: 1922

Nicknames: The Pickers (in reference to the fruit groves north of Fair Harbour); The Saffrons; The Silver and Gold

Colours: yellow and white

Home ground: Spotsylvania

Based in Maxinedale, one of Fair Harbour’s nicer suburbs, and named for one of the city’s lovelier parks; Meadow are an old-fashioned, family-friendly club drawing an almost exclusively middle-class following. The club have never won the Governor‘s Cup, despite appearing in five Grand Finals.

Indian Harbour

Founded: 1892 (admitted to the TRFL 1927)

Nicknames: (officially) The Braves; (unofficially) The Gutters (in reference to the town’s fishery industry); The Magpies.

Colours: black and white

Home ground: Dove Park

Less a suburb and more a satellite, Indian Harbour is famous for fish, football and being home to the largest prison in the Caribbean. Notorious for the fanaticism of their followers, Braves manage a Grand Final once a decade on average. Wearing the colours of an opposing team while walking the streets of Indian Harbour is not advised. Doing so on a match-day would just be silly.

[PacificCoastRL]

This is pretty cool stuff. It is very close to what would come out of my head - if I had an imagination. It has given me inspiration and I look forward to seeing how things progress. Will there be any documentation of seasons played? What would be a typical final score?

[hammerdan]

Thanks for the words of encouragement - much appreciated.

Will there be any documentation of seasons played? What would be a typical final score?

Good questions…

The need to convert goals would give the game a scoring rate more reminiscent of Gaelic Football than AFL - it’d be impossible for the ball simply to bounce uncontrolled through the central uprights, as in Aussie Rules.

Examples of typical scores:

Elem Station - 3 Goals; 10 Shies = 31 Points

Cicely Capitals - 2 Goals; 12 Shies = 26 Points

Grasshoppers - 1 Goal; 14 Shies = 21 Points

Victoria - 4 Goals; 8 Shies = 36 Points

Time permitting, I may document historical Finals winners; perhaps even simulate a postseason; but we’ll see…

[hammerdan]

Old Town Conference

From left to right...

Lamb and Flag

Founded: 1889

Nicknames: The Grand Olds; The Rose of Fair Harbour.

Colours: white and black

Home ground: Taylor Street Oval

The oldest football club in the Clementine Islands, its members were instrumental in formalising the game’s rules. Named for an exclusive district of West Central Fair Harbour, The Grand Olds are a conservative, Anglo-Saxon, establishment team. Successful throughout the game’s history and utterly dominant in the seventies and eighties the club has suffered a trophy-doubt since the turn of the millennium. Their rivalry with One O Cat is the League’s oldest and most storied.

One O Cat

Founded: 1903

Nicknames: The Cats (official); The Ookers (unofficial, a play on the club‘s initials); The Double ‘O’ C.

Colours: red and white

Home ground: Princes Park

Named for a pub that formerly stood on the site of Princes Park, One O Cat enjoy the largest following of any CFL team. Current holders of the Governor’s Cup, the Cats play a traditionally more adventurous style of football than their great rivals Lamb and Flag.

Victoria

Founded: 1905

Nicknames: The Vics; The Blues.

Colours: blue and white

Home ground: Little Honduras

Considered a working-class WASP counterpart to the middle and upper-class WASP Lamb and Flag. Unglamorous and unpretentious - fans are proud of their club’s old-fashioned values and unrefined, rough and ready playing style. The club enjoyed periods of success in the ‘50s and late ‘80s.

[BigRed618]

Awesome series. I've complained about made-up sports before, but this one I'm kinda interested in. Do you plan to make crests to go with these teams?

[hammerdan]

Do you plan to make crests to go with these teams?

Thanks BigRed.

My graphic design skills are limited - I may beg some assistance in creating crests/logos when I’ve finished uploading kit designs.

If anyone wants to volunteer some logo concepts PM me.

[hammerdan]

Island Conference

Left to right...

Brown

Founded: 1899

Nickname: The Grovers (officially – but no one ever calls them that); The Big B.

Colours: orange and maroon

Home ground: The Orange Grove Oval (The ‘O.G.O.’)

Named for the capital district of Free Island, Brown is the dominant force in Free Island football, traditionally renowned for the high sporting standards of its players and the hooliganism of its followers. The Brown side that dominated the game in the early ‘80s is generally regarded the finest in CFL history. Trouble trailed in its wake, however, and on several occasions Brown were forced to play behind closed doors.

Brown’s support is traditionally more uniformly white and Anglo-Saxon than the more cosmopolitan I&Y - a racist element among the fans has declined but is still visible - and the atmosphere at the O.G.O. is still considerably more aggressive than at Swampy Push.

Indigo & Yale

Founded: 1902

Nicknames: (official) The I&Y; (unofficial) The Dough (origins unknown)

Colours: maroon and white

Home ground: The Oval (‘Swampy Push’ – the site’s original name)

Named for two of Free Island’s hill districts, I&Y’s colourful support and cavalier playing-style won the team considerable popularity among neutrals during their late ‘70s glory-years.

The club’s lustre has faded in recent decades – a succession of coaches have failed to overturn Brown’s dominance and last season the club suffered a series of humiliating defeats to Conference also-rans Observatory.

Among fans the I&Y are known as the ‘Dough’; the origins of which nickname remain unexplained.

Observatory

Founded: 1934

Nicknames: Obs (not *The* Obs, just ‘Obs’); The Robins.

Colours: red, white and black

Home ground: The Lock

Partick Thistle to the other two’s Old Firm, Observatory takes its name from a Free Island landmark –an ornate Victorian viewing deck a short walk from their home ground. Fans are proud of their team’s old-fashioned values and underdog status.

Twice in the past decade Obs have progressed to the postseason at their bigger rivals’ expense – thanks chiefly to the no-frills playing-style of coach Mick Fullman.

[Whittier S]

Oh, this is fun--I look forward to seeing more of this. Some time back I came up with my own country, Quattrablegia, which was a group of three islands almost due west of Ireland, right in the middle of the Atlantic. I had come up with American-football uniforms for the country's league, but alas, those files are long lost.

[PacificCoastRL]

Still lovin' all this. I especially enjoy the team profiles and the names you have come up with really evoke the Caribbean. That is to say, while I've never been to the Caribbean, this is how I imagine it. Oh, one more question - will you have a map of the Clementines with all the team locations?

[hammerdan]

Thanks Whittier, and thanks again PacificCoast.

Some time back I came up with my own country, Quattrablegia, which was a group of three islands almost due west of Ireland, right in the middle of the Atlantic. I had come up with American-football uniforms for the country's league, but alas, those files are long lost.

I can relate. The ideas had been sitting, unused, on my computer for months - posting them here seemed preferable to simply deleting them (from my perspective at least).

one more question - will you have a map of the Clementines with all the team locations?

Ask as many questions as you like. I’ve considered producing a map – but again, my design skills aren’t great. Stay tuned etc.

the team profiles and the names you have come up with really evoke the Caribbean.

Pleased to hear the names and descriptions succeed in conjuring up images of the Caribbean… I wanted the league to be a window on the fictional world I’d created – just as the Rangers/Celtic rivalry, for example, is a window on the history and culture of West Scotland.

[hammerdan]

Country Conference West

From left to right...

Elem Station

Founded: 1920

Nicknames: (official) The Burrachooks (the burrachook is an aggressive gamebird native to Tattered Rag’s interior); (unofficial) The Chooks; The Reds; The Big Red; The Bushrangers; The Kings of the Interior.

Colours: all red

Home ground: Broad Park

The Clementine Gold Rush of 1872 brought settlers into Tattered Rag’s unforgiving interior, and a shanty town grew around the Elem mission station established a decade earlier. Elem Station has since grown to become the only large town in Tattered Rag’s interior.

Second only to One O Cat in size of support, the Chooks are a fashionable club in an unfashionable town. Station dominate their Conference - having failed to take the pennant only twice since 1970, and have enjoyed consistent postseason success. Critics argue that has created a culture of arrogance, with fans grumbling when Station are struggling to bulldoze opposition. Broad Park, which can be raucous during quarter and semi-finals, is notorious for its lack of atmosphere during the regular season.

Peninsula

Founded: (originally) 1948; reformed 2001 to incorporate Scarborough and Sheshemane

Nicknames: The Pirates (officially); The Baymen (the club’s unofficial nickname, preferred by its supporters)

Colours: red, white and black

Home ground: Case Park

Representing Tattered Rag’s rugged west coast, Peninsula have a small, devoted following.The club was reformed under the New Deal to incorporate its smaller neighbours Scarborough and Sheshamene; a move that caused some controversy and alienated potential supporters who had beforehand followed the two defunct clubs.

The club enjoyed some success in their early history – making the Grand Final twice in the 1950’s, but have since been eclipsed by Elem Station.

Sunshine Coast

Founded: 2001

Nickname: The Tropics

Colours: yellow and blue

Home ground: Sunshine Coast Oval

Representing Tattered Rag’s east coast; popular with tourists, retirees and those escaping the hustle and bustle of Fair Harbour and Free Island; Sunshine Coast were formed when the League forcibly amalgamated Black Diamond Bay, Fort Roberts and Trenchhill. A new stadium, the Sunshine Coast Oval, was constructed overlooking Black Diamond Bay's famous Thirty Mile Beach.

The Tropics finished their first two seasons with the League’s lowest point total. Things are looking up however, support is growing and the Tropics made last year’s postseason on a wild-card.

[nas1787]

These are really fun, great job. I'd love to see some logos and kits for the clubs. Do you still imagine these teams wearing long sleeve tops in 2013?

[hammerdan]

Thanks nas.

I'd love to see some logos and kits for the clubs. Do you still imagine these teams wearing long sleeve tops in 2013?

Honestly, no. FWIW the designs are meant to represent team’s ‘traditional’ colours…(of course it’s unlikely that either Sunshine Coast (formed 2001) or the Capitals (formed 1989) would ever have worn sleeves).

I’d guess today’s teams would wear AFL style guernseys - I may use an Aussie Rules template to create a set of current-season uniforms.

I designed some retro crests a couple of months back… None are especially exciting, but I may produce updated, snazzier versions in the weeks to come…

Left to right…

Elem Station c.1950s – simple crest featuring a ‘burrachook’ (ie a wild rooster) and the date of the club’s foundation.

Lamb and Flag c.1960s – a lamb and a flag.

Grasshoppers c.1980s – a grasshopper...

Again, if anyone wants to volunteer logo concepts, design tips or suggestions, be my guest...

[hammerdan]

Town Combination - Downtown

Something new for this latest instalment. As hinted at by nas, it’d be unlikely that CFL teams would be sporting long-sleeved shirts in the modern era. I’ve made use of an AFL template and produced six modern strips (one colour, one white strip for three teams) comprising ‘guernsey’/vest, shorts and socks. Comments/suggestions, as always, very much appreciated.

Top left

Downtown Athletic Club

Founded: 1907

Nicknames: The ‘Letics; The Greens.

Colours: green, white, gold.

Home ground: The Showgrounds

Formed independently from their Conference mates, the team is one of 37 sporting clubs administered from the Downtown Athletic Club – a Fair Harbour institution. The team competes at the Showgrounds, the Club’s premier sporting arena.

A force to be reckoned with in the game’s early days, DAT have in later years been dubbed ‘The Big Green Losing Machine’ by local press. Despite their lack of recent success the Greens famously took the final ‘Old Deal’ Governor’s Cup, when they overturned runaway favourites Elem Station in the 1999 Grand Final.

The ‘Letics have a knowledgeable, loyal following and a reputation for functional, no-nonsense football. Since 2001 the club has played several games a year in Blueroofs, the state capital of Gillimoney.

Top right

Downtown Imperial Theatre

Founded: (as the Downtown Football Club) 1900; (as Downtown Imperial Theatre) 1929

Nicknames: The Imps (official); The Rebels/The Purists (unofficial; for the circumstances of their founding); The Thespians (unofficial, never used by fans)

Colours: navy blue, light blue, red.

Home ground: The Showgrounds

In 1929 a conflict over the ethics of remuneration split Downtown Football Club into two unequal halves: the larger, pro-payment faction became league powerhouse Downtown Old Club. The smaller, pro-amateurism faction rented an office above the Imperial Theatre in Fair Harbour’s Downtown, and continued to compete independently for twenty-five years, despite being without either a home or a league place.

Retaining Downtown’s original colours, the DIT ceded the club’s home stadium and history of success to the professional faction and competed initially in one-off challenge games and local leagues as Downtown (Imperial Theatre). In 1956 the club finally dropped its brackets and took the CFL place formerly reserved for the National University. Since 1962 the team has shared the Showgrounds with Downtown Athletic Club.

The smallest club in Fair Harbour, the Imps have been engaged in a dogged fight against extinction since their formation. Home attendances seldom rise into five figures and, post-New Deal, the club has played several games a season ‘on tour’, finding a receptive audience in Ouzelles, the state capital of Barmundy.

Bottom

Downtown Old Club

Founded: (as the Downtown Football Club) 1900; (as Downtown Old Club) 1929

Nicknames: The Blues; The Big Blue (both official); The Professionals (unofficial; a reference to the dispute that led to the club's foundation)

Colours: navy blue, light blue, white

Home ground: Brooks Park

For the circumstances of the DOC's foundation, see Downtown Imperial Theatre. The title 'Old Club' was bestowed on the side from its earliest days, though no one quite knows why.

The first of the CFL’s teams to fully professionalise, the Blues dominate their Conference and have enjoyed consistent success since their inception. Simultaneously glamorous and reviled, the DOC have a reputation for being unlikeable – followers of rival teams complain of bias on the part of match officials and arrogance on the part of Blues’ players, staff and fans.

Under coach Jim Kelly the DOC have earned begrudging praise for adopting a cultured, exciting style of play.