This just in: A joint spokesman for Nike and Fanatics has released a statement following today's pants incident.
"Our new Nike FixBreak patented pant fabric is so thin and light, it's practically like a sheet of paper. In fact, it may actually be paper. Obviously, we're still working out the kinks, but that's to be expected from any product that's supposedly been rigorously tested for years prior to introduction. But, players now can run on average 0.00002% faster than before, and we save about 1.356 cents per material shipment to the Fanatics factory thanks to our revolutionary and oh-so-economical pant technology!
"...and if they do come off, you get a prime look at those big, meaty ballplayer legs, churning from base to base, pumping and shaking and dripping with sweat...I'm sorry, what were we talking about?"