REALLY Need Some Critique Here

[Chief.]

Here's the deal, I've been asked to design the front cover of our high school's winter sports program. I decided to make it my own by designing my own logo for it and it needs some work, I know. We're the Hays High Indians and you may recognize this as my alternate Chiefs logo.

I'd REALLY appreciate some suggestions and comments because this logo is going to be used on a sports program and it needs some help before I finalize it.

*UPDATE*

[Vertigo]

I like it but the face looks like something going to a masquereade

[gordie_delini]

if i were you i would look at some pictures of anatomy to see the musculature and structure of the human head- right now your guy has no forehead - and i would make the face one continuous line. I would also make the feathers curved rather than angular, to fit the rest of the flow of the face.

[Korkie]

I really want to like this, but the face, especially the frown, looks so much like this guy for me to get past it.

[Chief.]

Updated above with face structure. Thanks a lot guys, keep it coming.

[gordie_delini]

better, much better - but now he's got a flat head - reduce the angle on the forehead and then you'd be getting somewhere - i also think the feathers come too far down across his face. nice start

[VitaminD]

better, much better - but now he's got a flat head - reduce the angle on the forehead and then you'd be getting somewhere - i also think the feathers come too far down across his face. nice start

Bingo. Still virtually no forehead, and underneath the feathers, the top of his head is still not full enough - like it's missing. And why the funky angle at the top of the bridge of the nose? The rest of the face is largely curved lines, but that angle looks severe and draws attention to the lack of forehead and crown of the head.

[Cyclopsis Joe]

I really want to like this, but the face, especially the frown, looks so much like this guy for me to get past it.

Who is funny as plop, by the way.

As for the concept, I actually don't mind it so bad..there's hella worse "indian" logos running around this great country of ours.

[Le Québécois]

The indian looks very very very tired...

[Chief.]

It's supposed to be war paint under his eyes. Am I not getting that across very well?

[dgnmrwrw]

It's supposed to be war paint under his eyes. Am I not getting that across very well? 

It's not working right now. Looks like he needs a good night's sleep.

I would try thicker, alternating bands of color, a la FSU:

[BCBoy]

Just for the heck of it, I put the blackhawk head on your indian and it actually looks ok, you could use this to update your own as well.

[zoneranger]

The head dress is composed of straight angular lines but the head and face (except for the forehead and bridge of the nose are curved lines) Try using straight angular lines to compose the remainder of the head and the war paint as suggested earlier. I think you're gonna have a good one here!

[Chief.]

Another update for you all. Just now saw your comment, zoneranger, I'll consider it. Thanks A LOT for your feedback. This really means a lot to me since this is my first real design project. We're getting closer.

[badgerguy27]

I like that hawks face with it, just changing the war paint on it to red and gold

[RVZ]

To chief103182:Would your high school happen to have played Derby High. We had our worst season in its history, 0-9 If they did what was the score?

[VitaminD]

Proportions are still wrong.

I took your logo and compared to an average man's face.

On a typical adult male face, there is about 10% of head that actually sits above the forehead hairline. (I'm not counting the tuft of hair this guy has from slicking back his hair; I am talking scalp.) The forehead occupies about 3/8 of the height of the head (navy line), and the eyes are about 40% of the way down the face from the top of the head (green line). Only one-third of the face sits below the tip of the nose (purple line).

With your logo, the headband starts below where even the hairline should start, and slopes away at such a drastic angle that it still looks like he's missing the top of his head. As such, the logo's eyes are only one-fourth of the way from the top of the head, and the tip of the nose is squarely at the midpoint of the height of the head. Either he's got a massive jawline, or not enough forehead. But his lower face makes up half the height of his head, when it should be closer to one-third the total height. But it's too far out of proportion to really look correct, even for a graphic representation of a person's head. Needs forehead.

[Chief.]

To chief103182:Would your high school happen to have played Derby High. We had our worst season in its history, 0-9 If they did what was the score?

Nope, I've heard of Derby, but you must be in a different division. We always play Great Bend, Pratt, Salina South, McPherson, Ulysses, and Liberal I think.

VitaminD, I nominate you for best feedback from any member

You're being extremely helpful and I thank you for that. I can see what you mean by the proportions now. Back to work. Thanks again.

[gordie_delini]

you're on your way to having a really good logo - nice switch on the war paint - but i still think the feathers don't fit the style of the face - have the shape of the feather bend and curve - slightly at the top, more severe at the bottom, and go away from the face. round the feathers to look like feathers too, and maybe have a band where the headdress would go on the head- keep at it, it's coming along nicely

[buckeyes1]

I really want to like this, but the face, especially the frown, looks so much like this guy for me to get past it.

Who is that? That character guy looks so famimilar I dont know where he is from though.