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[Apologies if this has been posted before]

Anyone catch the highlights of the Heat/Knicks game last night, with Mark Messier chatting up Paris Hilton courtside? (Sorry, can't find a photo of it)

Do you suppose he was explaining to her the details of the NHL's triple-cap hybrid proposal and why the NHLPA rejected it?

MESSIER: So basically, there are four triggers that would revert the collective bargaining agreement from the players' proposal of December 6th to the owners' proposal of February 2nd. The first would be if the league pays out more than 55 per cent of its total revenues in player salaries. The second would be if the average payroll of the three highest-spending teams...

HILTON: That's hot.

MESSIER: Excuse me?

HILTON: Sorry. Go on.

MESSIER: [awkward pause] Right. So if the average payroll of the three highest-spending teams is more than 33 per cent higher than the average payr...

HILTON: That's hot.

MESSIER: Ah, screw it.

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Hey, I'm of a generation that actually remembers when Madonna was hot.

Come to think of it, my generation pretty much still thinks she is - in an over 40, had a couple of kids kinda way.

Madonna was hot?

Um watcha smokin'?

Hey, I think we just found one of the stumbling blocks in the way of a deal!

NHL: She's hot!

NHLPA: She's hideous! (and your cap is, too!)

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BOB GOODENOW: I don't care what you say, Gary. There is NO WAY Paris Hilton is hotter than Nicole Richie.

GARY BETTMAN: What the hell are you talking about?!? Have you seen her movie?

GOODENOW: No, and I don't care. We will never accept a cap unless you admit Paris is hotter than Nicole.

TED SASKIN: That's right. No, wait!

BETTMAN: Kiss my ass. The owners have told me to stick with saying Paris is hotter NO MATTER WHAT offer you come up with.

GOODENOW: Come on!

BETTMAN: Seriously! Nicole just got engaged to some regular bum. Paris is way too hot for that kinda crap!

GOODENOW: You know what? You're an idiot.

BILL DALY: Guys, shouldn't we be talking about our philosophical differences?

BETTMAN: We are. Paris is hot, Nicole.....IS NOT!

SASKIN: No, really. Bill's right. We should talk about the CBA now. That's why we're here!

GOODENOW: What are you talking about, Teddy Bear? That was never the plan. Gary and I only wanted to hold a civilized debate over which one the Simple Life girls is hotter, and then you and Bill go and bring up the CBA. What a buzz-kill.

BETTMAN: Oh, crap! Look at the time. We've been in this building for two straight days. What are we gonna tell the media?!?

GOODENOW: Cost certainty or something?

BETTMAN: It's worked before. Let's go.

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That's why Bob Goodenow and Gary Bettman weren't at those meetings a couple of weeks ago.

Thank you for putting the image of the Bettman-Goodenow-Paris Hilton threesome in my head.

--Roger "Time?" Clemente.

Man, I am SO glad I gouged out my mind's eye a while ago.

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