CS85 Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 note: this is a gimmick I've done w/ another alias on a bears board (ala the UOK thing).Oct. 4th 2007 UOK MagazineAndy Long, Bears insiderSMOKEY RIDGE, WV- I moseyed along the edge of the practice field watching the Bears go through their practice routine. The receivers jogged out their patterns, linemen were on collision courses with a tackling sled, coaches weaving in and out, blowing whistles and talking to players over water. The scene appears to be pretty standard fare, but there's one particular player who stands out among the rest: quarterback Kyle Orton.Orton, 24, hasn't seen much action lately. Not since the 2005 season when he was part of an 11-5 Bears team that won the NFC North. Since then, he's had a year and a half to get acquainted with the bench and has received very little playing time. As I caught up with Kyle, he revealed to me that his career was on it's wane. "I'm retiring after this season," he murmured through his long and whispy beard. "The game is fun, that's not a question. But I'm destined for other things." Things, he says, like the Smokey Pole Mountain in Chutgut, West Virginia. Orton spends every summer there, trapping and spending quality time with his dog Shooter. "I find a lot of peace and solitude on Smokey Pole," says the former Purdue star. "Plus I can poop on the ground and stuff." [Orton and Shooter on a mountain retreat circa summer 2004]Teammates have noticed a change in Orton, especially his ever-growing facial hair. Center Patrick Mannelly isn't surprised. "We've been watching his beard get longer and longer every day. It's sick...it's cool to watch him drop back to pass, because he looks like God from the one painting, all blowing in the wind, pretty sick." Defensive coach Bob Babich pointed out that Orton's beard has saved lives. "There was a baby bird that had fallen out of it's nest. Kyle scooped the little guy up, popped it into his beard, and the damn thing grew up big and strong. Hell, it might still be in there."Kyle doesn't mind the comments or criticism of his beard, now almost Santa-Claus-like in girth. "It provides essential warmth against the cold, not only of a Chicago winter, but of the frost nights spend huddling against a fire on a frozen mountain." There have been internet myths spread around on the web, the most popular being that Orton's beard has eaten a prostitute, others citing the beard as being the burial site of Jimmy Hoffa.I let Orton go back to practice. He casually lopes a spiral down the field, and it caromes off of the stone hands of Bernard Berrian. Orton pulls out an old corncob pipe and plays a song on his famous gutbucket. "...Ol' molasses pappy dun scrum a wildcat, buckshot whiskey my pappy," sings the young gunslinger, as teammates stare in confusion.Kyle Orton certainly is a weird, yet colorful addition to this Bears roster.** Quote "You are nothing more than a small cancer on this message board. You are not entertaining, you are a complete joke." twitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tBBP Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Maybe this cat will be next in line for those Geico caveman commercials... *Disclaimer: I am not an authoritative expert on stuff...I just do a lot of reading and research and keep in close connect with a bunch of people who are authoritative experts on stuff. || dribbble || Behance || Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiddySicks Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Sounds more like a Jake Plummer idea to me........ On 11/19/2012 at 7:23 PM, oldschoolvikings said: She’s still half convinced “Chris Creamer” is a porn site.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
See Red Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Sounds more like a Jake Plummer idea to me........Jake Plummer's beard was great... I think he pulled it off better than Orton. But if we're deciding what Jake Plummer should do with his life now that he's out of football based on his facial hair, this picture says it all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CS85 Posted October 4, 2007 Author Share Posted October 4, 2007 Plummer was rocking a sweet pornstache. Quote "You are nothing more than a small cancer on this message board. You are not entertaining, you are a complete joke." twitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TFoA Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Sounds more like a Jake Plummer idea to me........Jake Plummer's beard was great... I think he pulled it off better than Orton. But if we're deciding what Jake Plummer should do with his life now that he's out of football based on his facial hair, this picture says it all...Jake Plummer is one of my favorite all-time QBs, just because of the fact that you normally associate QBs with cleanliness and good looks. Homeless Jake had neither, and his beard was awesome.The 'stache by itself, however, is on another level. Add the big ass glasses and you have Jake Plummer on Legendary Status.ON TOPIClol @ Kyle Orton. One of the many horrible QBs who once started for the Bears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Boy Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Plummer was rocking a sweet pornstache.Indeed he was. Is tehre any other QBs that went with the straight 'stache?I can think of Jeff Hostetler and young Jeff George. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
udubs03 Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Plummer was rocking a sweet pornstache.Indeed he was. Is tehre any other QBs that went with the straight 'stache?I can think of Jeff Hostetler and young Jeff George.Wow, I forgot about Hostetler's iconic pornstache...Aaron Rodgers rocked this bad boy this preseason: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CS85 Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 Aaron Rodgers had more of a Fu Man Chu going on than a straight stache. In a helmet it looks like a straight stache but its almost a goattee.But the mustache has GOT to make a return, sports has got to repopularize facial hair. It's so much more hilarious that way. Quote "You are nothing more than a small cancer on this message board. You are not entertaining, you are a complete joke." twitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CS85 Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 Aaron Rodgers had more of a Fu Man Chu going on than a straight stache. In a helmet it looks like a straight stache but its almost a goattee.But the mustache has GOT to make a return, sports has got to repopularize facial hair. It's so much more hilarious that way. Quote "You are nothing more than a small cancer on this message board. You are not entertaining, you are a complete joke." twitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
udubs03 Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Aaron Rodgers had more of a Fu Man Chu going on than a straight stache. In a helmet it looks like a straight stache but its almost a goattee.But the mustache has GOT to make a return, sports has got to repopularize facial hair. It's so much more hilarious that way.Actually, he had both. For some awesome reason, he changed up his facial hair every week. He went from beard to Fu Man Chu to straight stache.I think we can all agree that the stache needs to make a comeback...I have personally been sporting one for the last month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
See Red Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Aaron Rodgers had more of a Fu Man Chu going on than a straight stache. In a helmet it looks like a straight stache but its almost a goattee.But the mustache has GOT to make a return, sports has got to repopularize facial hair. It's so much more hilarious that way.How about Sal Fasano (guy on the left) when he was with the Yankees?Usually sported a Fu Man Chu, but the Yankees don't allow facial hair other than mustaches, so he went with a 'stache during his stay in New York. Below is a picture of Sal with the Fu Man Chu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geoff Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Sounds more like a Jake Plummer idea to me........Jake Plummer's beard was great... I think he pulled it off better than Orton. But if we're deciding what Jake Plummer should do with his life now that he's out of football based on his facial hair, this picture says it all...Jake Plummer is one of my favorite all-time QBs, just because of the fact that you normally associate QBs with cleanliness and good looks. Homeless Jake had neither, and his beard was awesome.The 'stache by itself, however, is on another level. Add the big ass glasses and you have Jake Plummer on Legendary Status.ON TOPIClol @ Kyle Orton. One of the many horrible QBs who once started for the Bears.Did someone need a Plummer? Athletic Director: KTU Blue Grassers Football Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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