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2005 Predictions


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The NHL will fold and reconstitute itself.

Barry Bonds, upon further review of evidence, will be banned from baseball for life, as will Jason Giambi, and Gary Sheffield

The Pittsburgh Steelers will win Super Bowl XXXIX

The Boston Red Sox Championship Rings will be ugly and gawdy.

The New Orleans Saints will move to Los Angeles

Paris will recieve the 2012 Olympic Games. I will still hate France.

The New York Jets will make their White Jersey/Green Pants uniform combo their official road uniform.

The Washington Nationals will not finish last in the NL East.

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Shaq will stub his little toe on his coffee table in mid-February and miss the rest of the season, thereby thwarting the Heat's chances of winning the NBA championship. The Suns will meanwhile stay healthy while averaging 136 points per game en route to the championship.

The Yankees will spend more than NASA and still only win 103 games, before promptly self-destructing due to the immense weight of the players' cumulative egos. The Mariners, as a result, will cruise to a World Series championship.

Tom Brady will be blown off by a beautiful women in a local grocery store and will suffer a broken heart. Kurt Warner will laugh at him while bagging his Frosted Flakes and frozen peas. And the Steelers will ride Big Ben to the Super Bowl, defeating the 8-8 Panthers.

Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow will stand back-to-back, take 10 paces away from each other in opposite directions, and turn and fire at high noon on January 15th. Whoever is shot (and dies) is declared the loser, and the other side will have to take it like the little greedy self-centred beeyotch it is. Nevertheless, there will be no Stanley Cup champion, with the 15th being the day after Bettman announces the 2004-05 season's cancellation. People all over Canada simultaneously weep uncontrollably.

Thank you for peering into my crystal ball with me. Would you please recommend me to all your friends?

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Bill Parcells will retire

The Yankees will get Randy Johnson

The steroids scandal will errupt out of control in baseball

Pedro Martinez will win the NL Cy Young Award with a ERA of less then 2.

the NHL will resume eventually maybe in Spetember and neither Bettman or Goodnow will survive wit their jobs.

THis one is bound to happen one day I say 2005.

A NBA player will be murdered, further bringing the dangerous line the players thread by staying close to their posse, who are basically crooks.

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Miss Cleo says:

The Bengals will play in January. (1/2/05 at Philly.)

The Steelers will beat the Eagles in an all Pennsylvania Super Bowl.

Another MLS team will change its name to ___ City or FC_____

The Nationals will be the new Devil Rays.

The Red Sox will have a new Curse to worry about

Shaq will be in the NBA playoffs and Kobe will not.

The NHL season will be unfortanutly cancelled.( the best 5th anniversary season for the Columbus Blue Jackets and Minnesota Wild.)

Another famous sports hero will unfortanutly die.

The ABA will finally be put to sleep.

I pay $14 bucks a minute for my thoughts to you on a crazy sports filled 2005.

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Okay, some very serious stuff.

  • The NHL owners, realizing that doomsday is ahead, and the players union settle on January 14th, saving what's left of the 2005 season. A 40-game schedule is played, and the playoffs go to the San Jose Sharks over the Toronto Maple Leafs. Puckguy14 and Iron Chef Shark go to a strip club and celebrate. Alas, the IIHF will not allow pros into the 2006 Winter Olympics, however.
  • LSU wins the women's NCAA Basketball Championship, and the men's championship goes to Wake Forest.
  • NBC Universal takes the prime-time NFL package from ESPN/ABC, and Bob Costas becomes the play-by-play man for NBC's Monday Night package starting in the fall of 2006. USA takes over the Sunday night package, and names CBS' Kevin Harlan as play-by-play man. John Madden announces his retirement from broadcasting after the Super Bowl in Detroit. In response to that deal, ABC/ESPN takes over NBC/TNT's NSACAR partial package begining in 2007 for six years, and Fox extends their NASCAR deal starting in 2009 for four more years.
  • The Sacramento Kings finally win an NBA title over the over-matched Indiana Pacers, who shock Shaq and the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals.
  • The New Orleans Saints get their wish, move to Los Angeles, and swap divisions with the St. Louis Rams.
  • The San Francisco 49ers fire head coach Dennis Erickson, replace him with former Eagles and Jets coach Rich Kotite, and nobody in the Bay Area - even Iron Chef Shark - gives a Flying Wallenda. They finish the 2005 season 0-16, even with Heismann Trophy winning top draft pick Matt Leinart at QB for the entire season.
  • Time Warner sells the Atlanta Braves led by a group headed by former team president Stan Katsen. The team misses the playoffs for the first time since the 1990 season, fires Bobby Cox as manager citing the "what have you done for me lately?" defense, and broadcasts end on TBS and Turner South after the season.

Now, for the silly stuff.

  • George Steinbrenner fires Joe Torre as Yankees manager and replaces him with the ghost of Billy Martin. Team responds by winning the AL East, but gets ousted in the divisional series by a group of Little Leaguers led by Danny Almonte.
  • An outraged fan (no, not me) will invade a Houston Rockets (or University of Toledo) game, and proceed to accuse "Team Rocket" of trying to steal Pokemon.
  • In one of the most freakish injuries of 2005, Alex Rodriguez sprains his ankle. During Spring Training. Against the Red Sox.

There you have it.

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The Alouettes will win the East Division again, only this time, they'll beat Ottawa in the East Final, and then reclaim the Grey Cup in Vancouver.

The Colts will win Super Bowl XXXIX over Atlanta.

The NHL cancels the 2004-2005 season, then use replacement players to start the next season.

Tom Brady blows out his knee in the AFC Championship and is out for the 2005 season.

The Miami Heat will win the NBA Championship.

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Steelers win Super Bowl XXXIX over Carolina.

NHL season will be killed and so will the league. The new NHL will remain in most of the markets and relocated the other teams to new cities.

Miami Heat win NBA Championship over the Sacramento Kings.

The Kansas Jayhawks led by Wayne Simien (Big Dub), win the NCAA championship over Illinois.

The Washington Nationals home opener draws a sellout. The next six games draw fewer than 15,000 until the Phillies roll into town.

Red Sox go back-to-back with World Series Championships. They defeat the St. Louis Cardinals once again.

The Kansas City Royals announce plans to build a downtown ballpark in K.C. Roylas owner David Glass is putting up 25% of the cost.

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Just doing the four major sports' Championships, or lack thereof:

The Pittsburgh Steelers defeat the Atlanta Falcons in Superbowl XXXIX.

The NHL season is cancelled - Bettman and Goodnow lose their jobs by the starts of the 05'-06' season.

The Sacramento Spuros win the NBA Championship over the Miami Heat.

The New York Yankees win the World Series over the San Francisco Giants.

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- St Kilda win the AFL Grand Final

- Victoria Bushrangers make the Pura Cup or ING Cup Final and win

- Australia keeps the Ashes, beating England in England

- Melbourne Tigers win the Philips Championship (NBL Basketball)

- Australia beat Ireland in the International Rules

- St Kilda to win the Wizard Cup again

- Darren Bennet to punt the length of the field

- Ben Graham to win a contract with NY Jets

list to be updated when i think of things

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The Anaheim Angels ultimately sick with Anaheim as a name due to a legal action by the city, and newly acquired Steve Finley and Orlando Cabrera, as well as the regained dominance of Bartolo Colon and Jarrod Washburn, lead the team to their second World Series over the surprise Arizona Diamondbacks, led by former Angel Troy Glaus.

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