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The Greatest Headline Ever


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Phillies acquire former sausage-beater from Rangers

PHILADELPHIA -- The Philadelphia Phillies acquired first baseman Randall Simon from the Texas Rangers for cash on Friday.

Simon, suspended for three games in 2003 after hitting one of the Milwaukee Brewers' sausage mascots with his bat, last played in the major leagues Sept. 7, 2004, with Tampa Bay.

"We don't have no hot dog mascots here," Phillies manager Charlie Manuel said, laughing.

Simon started the season in the Mexican League and was playing for Triple-A Oklahoma. He hit .308 with one home run and 10 RBI in a combined 24 games between Oklahoma and the rookie-level Arizona League Rangers. He's a career .283 hitter with 49 home runs and 235 RBI in 514 games.

Copyright 2006 by The Associated Press

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"We don't have no hot dog mascots here,"

Philadelphia no talk good.

The Phillies are missing the playoffs?

But that's unpossible.

Kimpossible, Kimprobable, absolutely Kimdiculous. :D

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The CCSLC's resident Geelong Cats fan.

Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends. Sounds like something from a Rocky & Bullwinkle story arc.

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Wow! I bet it is rewritten by the morning. I do think it is the second best behind..." Protests expected at Enola Homosexual exhibit". This was in a Illinois news paper in the 1990's. It seems the editor was more interested in being politically correct than historically correct.

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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

P. J. O'Rourke

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"We don't have no hot dog mascots here,"

Philadelphia no talk good.

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Well, more like Charlie Manuel no talk so good. The grammar police would have a field day with him if they ever listened to his pre-game interviews on the Phillies radio broadcasts.

48142444846_3aa6afbd89_m.jpgNCAA Baseball Champions | 2014, 2019 

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almost as good as grandpa simpson's article about his bullfighting in which the headline said "old man beats meat"

*cues entrance by quantumfreak*

[Croatia National Team Manager Slavan] Bilic then went on to explain how Croatia's success can partially be put down to his progressive man-management techniques. "Sometimes I lie in the bed with my players. I go to the room of Vedran Corluka and Luka Modric when I see they have a problem and I lie in bed with them and we talk for 10 minutes." Maybe Capello could try getting through to his players this way too? Although how far he'd get with Joe Cole jumping up and down on the mattress and Rooney demanding to be read his favourite page from The Very Hungry Caterpillar is open to question. --The Guardian's Fiver, 08 September 2008

Attention: In order to obtain maximum enjoyment from your stay at the CCSLC, the reader is advised that the above post may contain large amounts of sarcasm, dry humour, or statements which should not be taken in any true sort of seriousness. As a result, the above poster absolves himself of any and all blame in the event that a forum user responds to the aforementioned post without taking the previous notice into account. Thank you for your cooperation, and enjoy your stay at the CCSLC.

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Thats pretty frickin great, but the best headline was still a headline i read a few years ago when the A's won an interleague game vs the Braves, and scored the majority of the runs of pitcher Jung Bong.

A's rip Bong hard, remain high on win streak.

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On 11/19/2012 at 7:23 PM, oldschoolvikings said:
She’s still half convinced “Chris Creamer” is a porn site.)
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Best Pitching Matchup Ever:

2005, Toronto/New York - Bush vs. Wang

You can't have that one anymore, unless Milwaukee plays the Yankees in interleague play (I'm still having difficulty wrapping my mind around that one).

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