Favorite Insult

[bosox]

Go die.

Perfection.

[DEAD!]

I once had a female teacher with short hair. One day I was talking to someone in the back of the room and she told me, "I don't like to see the back of your head." I turned around and said, "I don't like your's either" A couple of classmates really enjoyed that.

I had a conversation with a girl that went like this:

Me: "I thought you were going to give me a fish (for my birthday)"

Girl: "Why? Did you want me to give you a fish?"

Me: "Not unless it's tuna"

[-kj]

Quad, you've reminded me of another one.

"You're smooth... like sandpaper."

[yh]

I've always been partial to "she's uglier than a hatful of dicks."

[Ez Street]

This is a gem I used on this a-hole I played basektball with once. He had yellow teeth......

"Your dunks are about as clean as your teeth"

[Shmee]

There's a bit of a story behind this one. I live smack in the middle of Long Island, as I've stated before. I don't know if this was big news outside of the state, but there's another school about half an hour from us called Mepham High School, and during the summer there was a big scandal during their football camp. Anyway, we played them in a hockey game earlier this season, and my team was up on a powerplay. I was up top and screening the goalie while my teammates worked the puck, and the goalie decided to reach between my legs and hook me in the nuts. I, being the jackass that I am, had to make a comment to the goalie about the football team.

Sigh. I'm a bad man.

[Lee.]

The best part of you ran down your mama's leg.

[the_cynic]

"NICE haircut! I didn't know Supercuts had a drive thru window..."!

This is the best one!

[slapshot]

sometimes I call those who annoy me hemorrhoids...

because they are pains in the ass

[DEAD!]

my all time favorite:

after being told how to do their job by a stupid customer.

"Listen lady, i don't come to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth."

here's some classic snaps, you may be scrolling for a bit:

You're so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook Minute rice.

You're so dumb, you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

Your girlfriend is so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator she cracked her two front teeth.

You're so dumb, if you spoke your mind you'd be speechless.

Your sister is so stupid, she went to the baker for a yeast infection.

You're so dumb, you failed Romper Room.

Your mother is so dumb, she couldn't pass a blood test.

You're so stupid, you asked for a price check at a 99¢ store.

You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you plop Happens.

Your brother is so ugly, when he sits in the sand the cat tries to bury him.

Your girlfriend is so ugly, you gave her a hickey and got a mouthful of fur.

You're so ugly, you couldn't get laid if you were a brick.

Your are so small, you have to tattoo "front" on your chest.

Your mother has one leg longer than the other and they call her Hip-Hop.

Your sister is so skinny, her bra fits better backward.

Your sister is so skinny, she could win the Miss Somalia pageant.

Your mother is so crossed-eyed, she thinks her only child is a twin.

Your girlfriend has so much hair on her chest, her look like coconuts.

Your teeth have more tartar then Red Lobster.

Your sister is so bucktoothed, she can eat corn on the cob through a fence.

You're so skinny, Sally Struthers sends you food.

Your mother is so fat, she broke her arm and gravy poured out.

Your father is so fat that when he rubs his thighs together, I swear I smell bacon.

Your mother is so fat, she's got more chins than Chinatown.

Your mother is so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

Your mother is so fat, when she dances the band skips.

Your breath smells like Cheez Doodles--light on the cheese and heavy on the doo-doo.

Your breath smells so bad, people on the phone hang up.

Your mother is so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Your grandmother is so old, she wrote the foreword to the Bible.

Your mother is so old, she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.

Your mother is so old, her Social Security number is in Roman numerals.

Your mother is so old, her Social Security number is 1.

Your family is so poor, your mother calls TV dinner trays her good china.

Your parents are so poor, they got married for the rice.

Your car is so old, they stole the Club and left the car.

I heard you were getting sex all the time until your wrist got arthritis.

Your father is like cement--it takes him two days to get hard.

Your mother is like a doorknob because everyone takes a turn.

The only difference between your girlfriend and a subway is that everybody hasn't ridden a subway.

When I see a Christmas card that says "ho-ho-ho," I know to address it to your sister.

Your mother has so many crabs she walks sideways.

You're so horny, the last time you felt a breast it came out of a KFC bucket.

Those are all classics!

[MrTitan]

I've always liked :censored: You -or- :censored: Off

[See Red]

"You couldn't get a girl near your d*** if you had a $100 bill hanging from your zipper"

[shiznit1083]

My all time favorite:

You're a load that should have been swallowed.

[winters in buffalo]

Quad, you've reminded me of another one.

"You're smooth... like sandpaper."

I've always said "You're smooth... like a Ken doll".

I had a friend in school who used to tell people that they "smelled like a bag of :censored:s."

[Roger Clemente]

"If I wanted a comeback, I'd scrape it off the roof of your mouth."

"15 Million Sperm and you were the fastest..."

More to come.

--Roger "Time?" Clemente.

[JQK]

Your crotch smells like hot garbage...

Your ass looks like you sat in a gravel driveway for an hour...

AGH!!! I can deal with ugly, but you're circus ugly... (from "Family Guy")

Spandex.. a privledge, not a right... (from "Hackers")

I'm afraid to say some of my other insults.. plus, i don't think i could spell or change the words to something this board wouldn't edit....

[dmr]

For a week at my work, several of my co-workers and I referred to one of the hostesses as the "walking talking blowjob."

Also rather then telling one of the other hostesses to shut up or be quiet, we told her to "shut her man pleaser."

[Shmee]

"15 Million Sperm and you were the fastest..."

--Roger "Time?" Clemente.

Man do I love that one. Someone once said something like that to me, I don't quite remember why though. I wanted to come up with a retaliation, but I was too busy laughing my ass off to say anything back to him.

[Evan]

The jerk store called.....

  ...and they are all out of YOU!

Why? Your there best customer!

[Fusebazell]

Your face is like a million bucks, it's green and wrinkly.

When they were handing out brains, you thought they said grains and said I'd like Oatmeal please.