2024 NFL Offseason

[infrared41]

2 hours ago, McCall said:

The returners can only move once they catch the ball or the gorilla is within 5 yards of them, in which case they must run towards the gorilla, to make the catch. This will be known as a "Kamikaze Kick-Off". If they make the catch AND survive, they get the ball from the 50 yard line. If they only make the catch, the surviving team members get the ball from the 40. If the returner survives, but fails to make the catch, from the 30. If they fail to survive or make the catch, the ball is given to the kicking team, barring a touchback.

 

Works for me.

[McCall]

3 hours ago, BBTV said:

What if he makes the catch but the gorilla rips him in half and carries his upper body (which still has the ball) forward into the end zone? TD for the kicking team? 
 

But remember, gorillas can only be deployed once a game (though I have to re-check the rules on this), so I’m not sure if kickoffs are the best place. 

No. Stopping of forward progress still applies.

[BBTV]

4 hours ago, Red Comet said:

 

The best time to deploy a gorilla would be 4th and short. Can’t do a toosh push with a 500 pound ape who can bench press a Chevy truck in the way. I’m calling it the Kamikaze Kong formation. 

Again, it is, and has always been, one play a game. 

[BBTV]

I think if they’re going to legislate gorillas out of the game, they could be replaced with giant eagles or condors or some bird that could either 1) snatch players up in its talons and carry them to… anywhere it wants to, 2) intercept balls, or 3) block field goals. 
 

it’d be the same one play a game rule, there’s just be a much lower injury risk (except in the case where the bird carries the player away and drops him somewhere from a high height). 
 

I think giant snakes are also a good alternative, but large birds could work too. 

[Red Comet]

Hell, why not have different animals for different stadiums? Thanksgiving afternoons would certainly be spiced up with a lion on the field. 

[FiddySicks]

As long as the Bucs can shoot off real cannon balls from their ship, I’m good with it. 

[BBTV]

39 minutes ago, Red Comet said:

Hell, why not have different animals for different stadiums? Thanksgiving afternoons would certainly be spiced up with a lion on the field. 

 

5 minutes ago, FiddySicks said:

As long as the Bucs can shoot off real cannon balls from their ship, I’m good with it. 

 

Can't start going with team-themed gimmicks.  Don't want this to get gimmicky and silly.

 

Besides - what are the Browns going to do - excavate and bring out Paul Brown's skeleton for a play?  To let the defenders throw his bones at the other QB?

 

I don't see a need to fix the gorilla rule and make things even more complicated for average fans to understand.  The only reason I'd change it to pythons or condors is if the gorillas went on strike.

 

Please stop with these silly and impractical rule changes.

[infrared41]

 

59 minutes ago, Red Comet said:

Hell, why not have different animals for different stadiums? Thanksgiving afternoons would certainly be spiced up with a lion on the field. 

 

Let's make it interesting and allow the road teams to bring their animal too. Tell me Panthers - Lions wouldn't be a straight up banger. Then again, Rams - Jaguars could get pretty ugly. Bears - Bengals would be an epic battle. I guess we'd need a tank for the Dolphins. Turning an eagle and a falcon loose in a domed stadium could be fun. Teams without animal names can opt for using the gorilla.

 

25 minutes ago, FiddySicks said:

As long as the Bucs can shoot off real cannon balls from their ship, I’m good with it. 

 

Only if they have no idea where the cannon balls are going to go. Aiming takes all the fun out if it. Let's keep it equal and random.

 

17 minutes ago, BBTV said:

Besides - what are the Browns going to do - excavate and bring out Paul Brown's skeleton for a play?  To let the defenders throw his bones at the other QB?

 

I don't see the problem with this.

[BBTV]

I’d be more terrified of a Texan than of a lion, eagle, bear, titan, Tank, ram, etc. 

[Cujo]

Football fans are apparently triggered over this image of Caleb Williams.. 

 

[CS85]

24 minutes ago, Cujo said:

Football fans are apparently triggered over this image of Caleb Williams.. 

 

 

Bears twitter has basically already decided he is a homosexual and should be run out of the game.

 

It's really, really depressing, but not unexpected that people behave like that.

[MJWalker45]

13 hours ago, BBTV said:

Besides - what are the Browns going to do - excavate and bring out Paul Brown's skeleton for a play?  To let the defenders throw his bones at the other QB?

Does Cincinnati get his bones, though? I mean his name is literally on the collar of their jerseys. 

[Cosmic]

23 hours ago, Cujo said:

 

Even if they did, no chance in hell they'd use that name.

 

23 hours ago, McCall said:

You don't know.

Blitz

[MJWalker45]

[BBTV]

3 hours ago, MJWalker45 said:

Does Cincinnati get his bones, though? I mean his name is literally on the collar of their jerseys. 

 

There's enough bones in the human body so that each player on Cincinnati and Cleveland could get one, and each team could choose one time during the game to bring out their bones (clip that for the 'no-context posts' thread).

 

I assume the popular bones would be the bigger ones like the femur, but I'd love to see them somehow piece together a hand and throw it so that it bats down a pass, or piece together a foot and throw it such that Deshaun Watson gets kicked in the face by the decayed foot of his own team's founder.

[GDAWG]

 

[Red Comet]

I am really looking forward to how Dave Toub is going to use this guy on kickoff/punt returns. 
 

Maybe they can have him be the upback on punts? 

[GDAWG]

1 minute ago, Red Comet said:

I am really looking forward to how Dave Toub is going to use this guy on kickoff/punt returns. 
 

Maybe they can have him be the upback on punts? 

 

Probably do a better job than Kadarius Toney....at everything.  

[FiddySicks]

On 3/27/2024 at 7:36 PM, infrared41 said:

Only if they have no idea where the cannon balls are going to go. Aiming takes all the fun out if it. Let's keep it equal and random.

Love it. 

[BBTV]

I'm intrigued by the cannonball rule.  I'd love to see the range on those things, and how accurate they can get with their anticipated "drop".  I'm guessing they couldn't fire them straight forward, or they'd kill their own team (if behind the offense), or potentially kill their own WR or RB if behind the D.  They'd have to have an arc that would drop on the opposing offense (preferably accurate enough to fall on the QB/center), and I'm not sure they could do that without hurting themselves too (they could simply sub out all the good players for the play they're going to fire the cannons, but then you've killed (literally) your depth.)

 

My problem with the cannonball rule is it's venturing too close into the baseball rule where every so often one of the balls detonates (or deadly spikes shoot out of it... can't recall) whether it goes into the field of play or into the stands, so you'd have to put your cell phone down if anyone hits a foul ball. 

 

I've been thinking more about that rule, and in the interest of fan/player safety, I think they should limit total casualties to 5/game.  The problem is, not even the umpires know which balls are equipped with the spikes, since they can't be marked without ruining the gimmick.

 

But again, we're not replacing the gorilla.  It ain't broke, doesn't require fixing.  Just needs a new labor deal.  Maybe a certain number of bananas on game day and better health care (I've heard they want these guys present at every game, even though it's the humans - not the gorillas - that tend to get injured... though that could change if someone fires a cannonball that hits a gorilla, which is yet another reason why we need to be more realistic with some of these proposals.)