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NHL Roshambo!


Roger Clemente

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I thought of something strange to try today.

The game of Roshambo (otherwise known as "Rock-Paper-Scissors") is easy to play. Just pit two people against each other to shake their hands till there is a winner.

Now imagine having 30 people getting together, representing all 30 NHL team's and then re-enacting the entire 1,230 game NHL schedule with Roshambo.

The great thing about the new CBA is that it appears there will be some parity now. And what better way to represent true parity is with a completely random game of chance like Roshambo?

- The winner of the hand gets 2 points for the win and the loser gets none.

- If it takes two hands to determine the outcome, the winner gets 2 points and the loser gets 1 point for the "overtime loss".

- If it takes three or more hands to determine the outcome, the winner gets 2 points and the loser gets 1 point for the "shootout loss".

How this can work as a fantasy league:

First thing we need is 30 people to represent each NHL team. Each team filled will be on a "first come, first serve" basis. We are hoping there are some people out there who will open-minded to representing any other team besides their favorite.

On "Gameday", each of the two combatants will message a third party (to make sure there is no bias or controversy, as well as to keep an objective record of each game for end-of-season tiebreaker situations.) with their pick of either "Rock", "Paper" or "Scissors". After both combatants have messaged their picks to the third party, the third party will post the picks of both combatants. A winner will be declared if so. If there is a tie, the two combatants will message them again and this will repeat until a winner is declared for that contest.

Standings will be kept. Because this has no bearing on the real standings nor requires any real NHL players to be drafted, the season can start whenever we want to.

At the end of the season, all points will be tabulated and, pending necessary tie-breakers, the playoffs will begin. Just like the NHL, the top 8 seeds make the playoffs. Division winners rank 1, 2, 3. First playoff round is best-of-seven, 1 vs 8, 2 vs 7, 3 vs 6, 4 vs 5....you know how it goes. This keeps going to the best-of-seven Stanley Cup Finals.

What do you think?

--Roger "Time?" Clemente.

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Dude, Roshambo is when you take turns kicking each other in the nuts until one person falls down, in which case the faller becomes the loser. It usually results in an emergency room visit, and possibly prosthetics being placed inside the body.

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